Sometimes you hurt the ones you love

The next morning came quicker than I wanted. Before I knew it, my alarm was going off and I was fighting with my brother to hurry up in the bathroom so I could take my shower too. Luckily, he left way before I did, so I didn't have to wait very long. During the night, I had decided what I had to do. Since it was obvious the VP of the school didn't believe me, and was OBVIOUSLY not going to help me any... I had to just deal with it on my own.

I quickly showered, dressed and ran out the door to get to Vanessa's house. I wanted to talk to her before the bus arrived and convince her of my plan. As we walked from her house to the bus, I finally decided to bust right out with it.

"Hey, Vanessa.. Don't sit with me anymore on the bus.. O.K.?" I said as I looked down at my feet

"What? Why? If I don't, you know O'Neil is going to sit there and do God knows what to you!!"

"Come ON Vanessa! He does it to me anyway!! No matter WHERE you sit! It's just better if you didn't sit with me. At least 1 of us won't get hurt" I argued back.

She stopped and grabbed my arm to turn me to her "No J, I won't just give in to him!"

"YOU'RE not giving in to ANYTHING! This has nothing to do with you!" I screamed at her and started to march away. I was mad. I knew she was only fighting me because she thought she could protect me... but she couldn't! Why couldn't she see that! I stopped and turned back to her...
"Look Vanessa, He's only going to hurt you because of me. If I can't stop him from hurting me, then at least I can stop him from hurting YOU! Don't fight me on this! I've made up my mind!" and I turned back around and continued to walk to the bus stop, with her walking 4 ft. behind me. I knew I had hurt her feelings, and I felt bad about it, but it seemed like the only way. Sometimes the only way to get thru to Vanessa was to yell at her... now I kind of understoond why her Dad yelled all the time.

She finally caught up with me at the bus stop, but kept her distance and I was glad. I was still fuming but I knew that if she talked to me right then, I'd break down. I'd cry because I had hurt my friend and I'd cry because I was afraid. I just kept my back towards her, avoiding all eye contact. I didn't want to cry anymore. My face still hurt and I didn't want it to sting my face again.

Within 15 minutes the bus arrived and I climbed in. I went and sat at my normal seat, but instead of sitting by the window, I threw my bag there and sat nearest the isle that way she would have no space to sit down if she tried to.

There were 3 other bus stops on the way to his and at each 1 I creened my neck to see if Henry was getting on. The closer we got to O'Neils stop, the more nervous I got. Where WAS Henry?? How come he hasn't gotten on? I didn't realize until then that I never even asked him what stop was his. Then we arrived at O'Neils stop and I was doing everything I could to not hyperventilate. I stayed staring out the window, not wanting to acknowledge the beast that was boarding the bus. Unfortunately, he found me anyway.

A cocky stroll, a baritone voice and he was standing next to me.

"Move" he snarled

I got up to move to another seat completely thinking I'd be slick and outsmart him, but he grabbed me by the back of my shirt as I tried to walk away.

"You know what I meant, Bitch" I could hear the laughter from his friends behind me

I quickly sat back down and moved over towards the window.

"No one to protect you now, is there" he laughed

I didn't know if it was the lack of food on my stomach or him that was making my head spin and the uneasiness to build in my stomach.. I figured it was him.

The bus continued to chug forward and made another stop. Why are we stopping? We aren't at school yet!

I looked out the window and realized the bus was stopped infront of another subdivision. We had never stopped there before and I couldn't find out why we were stopping now.

"We have a new stop on our route, everyone be nice to the new people" The bus driver said answering my own thoughts.

And there.. as I was looking out my window I saw him. The same tall, thin spanish boy standing at the curb. Though I didn't find him attractive in a romantic way, I almost cried at the sight of him. I was elated that he was finally there. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, he was my saving grace. Henry boarded the bus and searched for a seat. Unfortunately, by the time we got to his stop, the bus was completely full and the only seat available was right up front and directly behind the driver. To me... it felt like worlds away. He looked over at me, gave me a wink and sat down. But he didn't face front, he had turned sideways in his seat so that we could still look at eachother.

"Fucking spic!" I heard O'Neil say under his breath while his friends around us snickered.

I just sat back against the seat with my eyes closed and sighed. O'Neil kept his back towards me the whole way and chatted with his friends. This was the most peaceful ride to school since the 1st day when my mom dropped me off. I knew that since the day was starting to improve, the rest of the day should too. Once we arrived at school, I waited for Vanessa because I really wanted to talk to her and clear the air.

"Hey" I said, as she climbed down the stairs of the bus

"Hi"

"I just want to say.. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but honestly, I can't put you in that position anymore. It isn't fair."

"You ever think that maybe I WANT to help you, J? You ever think that I feel like I'm not being a good friend if I just stepped back and LET him do things to you?" she looked at me with a wild look in her eye. I knew she meant it, I knew how she felt. She felt the same way I was feeling, I just wanted to protect her... as she just wanted to try to protect me too.

"Vanessa.. I really do appreciate that. I honestly do.. but I just can't. I can't sit there and let him hurt you, knowing it's MY fault!"

"J! Are you even LISTENING TO ME!!? I CAN'T SIT THERE AND WATCH HIM HURT YOU EITHER!"

I nodded and we began walking to homeroom. Neither of us saying a word. We started to part at the hallway.. we didn't have homeroom together.

"Vanessa, I understand. But PLEASE! I'm begging you.. just.. just.. I don't know.. just keep your distance from me on the bus, please. At least for right now. I mean.. look how O'Neil acted once Henry got on the bus. He doesn't give a damn what you or I say to him. He only seems to react to Henry. As long as Henry's on the bus, I think I'll be fine"

She nodded and walked away. I knew what the nod meant. Without her saying it, I knew. We had been friends for far too long. The nod she gave me simply meant, "Fine.. for now. I'm only nodding yes so you'll shut up"

I sighed heavily as I watched her walk away. I knew this wasn't going to be the end of the conversation, but I wasn't going to bring it up again any time soon.