And so it continues

The year progesses and nothing changes. O'Neil still treats me the same, and not often was he nice. Some days he would leave me completely alone except to demand a kiss before we departed. It didn't take long for me to get used to it. After awhile, I would just close my eyes and pretend he was someone else. Even on the days when he would assault my mouth with his thick and disgusting tongue, I would envision him as someone else. I never would kiss back, but I stood there and took it. It's sad really.. how I tolerated so much of his abuse... how I grew to just accept it.

Summer was coming soon and thoughts of long warm days got me by. My family and I were thinking about taking a vacation to visit my grandparents in Alabama and that excited me as well. I loved visiting my grandparents, they spoiled me wrotten!! I knew I would miss Vanessa, but I felt I just needed to get away for awhile. It had become apparent to me (in retrospect) that I was slipping deeper and deeper into depression. Nothing I did made me happy. Things that I used to enjoy greatly, barely made me smile now. I just wanted to be left alone... or just be with my dog, Pepper. However neurotic she was.. she was still nice to be around. She didn't expect anything from me but water, food and belly rubs.
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May came quickly and finals were wrapping up. Just a few more days until (almost) 3 months of freedom! To say I was just counting down the days is merely an understatement. The closer the days came, the more excited I was. While I didn't show it often on the outside, I was almost busting at the seams on the inside.

The family was packing up to go visit my grandparents for a few days and I decided I wanted to stay longer. I just needed to be away from my own life for awhile. Some place that only 2 people knew me. Some where far away from O'Neil and his abuse. I called my grandparents to make sure it was O.K., and as soon as I got the word, I packed more things. My goal was to stay about a month. I would stay 2 months, but I knew I'd miss my family, my dog and Vanessa too much to be gone any longer. Plus, my grandparents are early risers and breakfast is served promply at 8am. I was willing to give up on some sleep for a while, just to be able to escape my reality.

In the early hours of the morning, we packed up the car and set out for our 7 hr drive. A family friend was staying home with Pepper b/c car rides made her sick and my grandma was deathly afraid of dogs anyway.

We finally arrived at their house not long after breakfast and my brother and I were hyper since we slept most of the way. They have a nice sized pond on their property so we spent most of our days out there on the boat fishing or on the bank catching tadpoles. In the evenings, we would catch lightening bugs in a jar and play hide-n-seek in the woods. At that time, my worries of school, the bus rides and of O'Neil were far from my mind. I was finally acting like a kid again. Light hearted and light spirited. I never wanted that Summer to end.