I woke as the sun was shining through the window from someone shaking me awake. My Grandma was standing over me with a plate of bacon and eggs with big fluffy biscuts. If I keep eating like this, I'm gonna be as big as a barn by the time I leave... I thought to myself, as I grabbed a hot biscut and picked it apart.
It was just after 6am and the hotel was starting to bustle with people. The day shift kitchen workers were busy cooking breakfast, the bellboys were unloading luggage, and business men were on their way out for the day. As I ate my breakfast, I sat and watched the people pass. Wondering where they were from, wondering where they were going, wondering what drew them here. When I finished my breakfast and walked my plate into the kitchen. Just as I swung the door open, I heard 'oowwww' from the other side. I froze in my step, wondering what just happened. Slowly, the door opened and there stood a short light-skinned black man, who looked very irritated.
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!!! Please forgive me! Are you O.K.?" I begged
Rubbing his nose, he growled at me, "What are you doing coming in here? This isn't for guests! It's employees only! GET OUT!"
I took a step back and looked over my shoulder hoping my Grandma was within hearing distance to help me because I didn't know what to say. I saw her rushing over with a unhappy expression on her face. Not far behind her was Slim.
"Ruben! Don't you dare talk to her like that!" my Grandma sputtered. She looked like flames were going to shoot out her ears.
"Ruben! Calm down! It was only an accident!" Said Slim only inches behind me. Slim had now moved me behind him so that I had to peer around him to see what was going on. I held onto my plate like it was my lifeline.
"She shouldn't be tryin' to come in here! It's workers only! She could have broken my nose!" Ruben yelled.
My Grandma stepped 1 step closer to him, leaned in and with her thick Southern draw, "Don't you DARE talk to my Grandbaby like that! And even IF she wasn't my Grandbaby, you shouldn't even talk to a guest like that!" then she leaned in even further, only inches from his not even red nose and continued, "and if you even THINK about doing it again, you're FIRED!"
At that point, Ruben WAS red but not just his nose. His whole face went bright fire red and sweat began to roll off his forehead. His clenched his fists and his body began to shake. I ducked back behind Slim, I knew what was coming. Ruben was about to blow his lid. My Grandma took two steps back, I guess she realized it too. Quickly, I decided I really should be behind my Grandma incase Slim needed to handle the situation, it would definately be safer for me. I took a few steps to the side to get behind my Grandma just in time, as Ruben decided to swing his hand back. I didn't know who he was aiming for, my Grandma or Slim, but before he was able to make contact, Slim grabbed him and twisted his arm back behind his back. Ruben let out another 'oowwww!' but this time, I think he really meant it instead of just being obnoxious.
For the first time, I realized how agile Slim was for his age. Up until then, I couldn't figure out why such a big hotel would hire such an older man. I didn't know Slims age, but he was definately not a young man.
Slim instructed my Grandma to call the General Manager and ask him what he wanted to do with Ruben; just fire him or press charges for attempted assult. Before my Grandma even made contact with the General Manager, Ruban had decided he was quitting. But Slim still wouldn't let go of him until they heard from the GM. The GM said it was up to my Grandmother on what to do, since she was assumed to be the target. She decided it would be best for all involved if he just collected his belongings and left, without the Police interferring. Slim let go of Ruben and followed him into the employee's dressing area to get his personal affects, then escorted him out into the parking lot giving him a warning to never return to the hotel or he WOULD be arrested.
After all the excitement was over, I asked my Grandma about Slim's age.
"Grandma, how old is Slim?"
"Now baby, it isn't polite to ask people their ages"
"I know, but Grandma, I'm just surprised that he's doing this at his age and wondered how old he was"
"He's 66. But don't go telling him I told you"
I was shocked. 66!! Not only shocked, but impressed. I saw how he handled Ruben in just an instant, before Ruben even had time to finish winding his arm back. I had a new respect for Slim, I knew that I would be save with him anywhere in the hotel, but I also knew that I never wanted to be on the receiving end of his power.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Hotel Paradise
Slim took me around the main part of the hotel first. We first started towards the doors opposite the reception area that I had no idea where they led, yet. The first door led to the kitchen area which was just like any huge hotel kitchen. The appliances so shiny silver I could see my reflection in them. Through the back of the kitchen led to the employees entrance to the dinning area. Back out in the reception area, the door closest to the kitchen door led to the bar, and we just took a peek. Since I was very underage, I really wasn't supposed to be in there anyway. Further down was doors to the men's and women's bathrooms, where I would be changing later.
We continued our tour around the premises, stopping occasionally for Slim to tell me something historical about a landmark we passed. We finally made it to the pool and it was even larger standing next to it, than it looked from the window inside. Though I was really enjoying the tour, I couldn't wait for it to be done so that I could go swimming. I loved swimming, though I wasn't a strong swimmer, and only if it was with people I knew. I had had a few mishaps in water before so I was leery about swimming around people I didn't know. Lucky for me, it was so late that no one else was out.
We finished the tour right where we had started, back at the reception desk.
"Grandma! Can I go swimming now?" I asked excitedly
"Sure, baby. Here's your stuff, go change in the bathroom"
I grabbed my bag, ran into the bathroom and changed as fast as I could. When I emerged, Slim and my Grandmother were still talking while sipping coffee.
"Baby, Slim's gonna stay outside with you while you swim, if that's O.K.? But I will still be able to see you from in here." she asked me
"Sure, Grandma, that's fine!" and I turned to Slim, "Can we go now?"
He could feel the excitement in my voice and laughed, "Sure, whatever you want Princess."
That was the first time I remembered someone calling me that, and since then, it kind of stuck with me from him.
I grabbed my towel and ran out the door. Since I wasn't a strong swimmer I didn't just dive into the deep end, but rather stepped in slowly from the steps. The cool sparkling water was a relief from the hot humid Alabama heat. I did laps, I splashed, I even tried splashing Slim a few times. Even though he looked mad when I did it, I could tell he was suppressing a laugh.
An hour later, I emerged wrinkled like an old woman and starting to get chilled. Slim grabbed my towel and handed it to me while we made our way back to the main part of the hotel. Once inside my Grandmother had me change back into dry clothes immediately, she didn't want me to get sick from the cold air inside. After I changed I noticed I was starving. Her and I had already eaten on the way there, but after swimming, I always get hungry. When I whispered to her that I was starving, she had me order something from the resturant there. Even at this late, you could still order small items, since the bar was still open. I grabbed the menu and ordered some fries and chicken strips.
While I waited for my food to arrive, my Grandma asked me if I wanted to learn how to do front-desk check in's. Of course I said yes, everything was so new and exciting. Even though I was young and inexperienced, I caught on quick and only had to ask a question occasionally. To my dismay, there weren't very many people needing a room that late at night. While I ate my late night dinner, she also taught me how to answer the front desk phone, answer their questions, transfer calls, and set wake-up calls. To me, the night couldn't have gotten any better.
By 1am, the place was dead. No calls coming in, no patrons asking for a room, and the bar was empty. I was growing bored quickly, and she noticed. When Slim entered shortly after, he walked over to the desk for some late night chat.
"So, how do you like it here, Princess?" He asked me, while leaning on the counter.
"I LOVE IT! I wish I could come back every night!" I exclaimed and he laughed.
"Well, baby, if you want to, you can come back every night I work" my Grandma piped in.
"Oh Grandma! Can I really? That would be so great!"
"We'll see how the rest of the night goes, and if you still love it come tomorrow, then yes. You can come any time you want"
I gave my Grandma a big hug while Slim held his hand up for a high-five.
A short while later, I was sitting on 1 of the couches in the waiting area while Slim tried to teach me how to play Poker. Though working the front desk came easy to me, figuring out how to play Poker was more difficult. I couldn't remember what was high, low, good or bad. By 3am, I had drifted off to sleep on the couch. I woke for only a minute when I felt a blanket being placed on me, then was fast asleep again.
We continued our tour around the premises, stopping occasionally for Slim to tell me something historical about a landmark we passed. We finally made it to the pool and it was even larger standing next to it, than it looked from the window inside. Though I was really enjoying the tour, I couldn't wait for it to be done so that I could go swimming. I loved swimming, though I wasn't a strong swimmer, and only if it was with people I knew. I had had a few mishaps in water before so I was leery about swimming around people I didn't know. Lucky for me, it was so late that no one else was out.
We finished the tour right where we had started, back at the reception desk.
"Grandma! Can I go swimming now?" I asked excitedly
"Sure, baby. Here's your stuff, go change in the bathroom"
I grabbed my bag, ran into the bathroom and changed as fast as I could. When I emerged, Slim and my Grandmother were still talking while sipping coffee.
"Baby, Slim's gonna stay outside with you while you swim, if that's O.K.? But I will still be able to see you from in here." she asked me
"Sure, Grandma, that's fine!" and I turned to Slim, "Can we go now?"
He could feel the excitement in my voice and laughed, "Sure, whatever you want Princess."
That was the first time I remembered someone calling me that, and since then, it kind of stuck with me from him.
I grabbed my towel and ran out the door. Since I wasn't a strong swimmer I didn't just dive into the deep end, but rather stepped in slowly from the steps. The cool sparkling water was a relief from the hot humid Alabama heat. I did laps, I splashed, I even tried splashing Slim a few times. Even though he looked mad when I did it, I could tell he was suppressing a laugh.
An hour later, I emerged wrinkled like an old woman and starting to get chilled. Slim grabbed my towel and handed it to me while we made our way back to the main part of the hotel. Once inside my Grandmother had me change back into dry clothes immediately, she didn't want me to get sick from the cold air inside. After I changed I noticed I was starving. Her and I had already eaten on the way there, but after swimming, I always get hungry. When I whispered to her that I was starving, she had me order something from the resturant there. Even at this late, you could still order small items, since the bar was still open. I grabbed the menu and ordered some fries and chicken strips.
While I waited for my food to arrive, my Grandma asked me if I wanted to learn how to do front-desk check in's. Of course I said yes, everything was so new and exciting. Even though I was young and inexperienced, I caught on quick and only had to ask a question occasionally. To my dismay, there weren't very many people needing a room that late at night. While I ate my late night dinner, she also taught me how to answer the front desk phone, answer their questions, transfer calls, and set wake-up calls. To me, the night couldn't have gotten any better.
By 1am, the place was dead. No calls coming in, no patrons asking for a room, and the bar was empty. I was growing bored quickly, and she noticed. When Slim entered shortly after, he walked over to the desk for some late night chat.
"So, how do you like it here, Princess?" He asked me, while leaning on the counter.
"I LOVE IT! I wish I could come back every night!" I exclaimed and he laughed.
"Well, baby, if you want to, you can come back every night I work" my Grandma piped in.
"Oh Grandma! Can I really? That would be so great!"
"We'll see how the rest of the night goes, and if you still love it come tomorrow, then yes. You can come any time you want"
I gave my Grandma a big hug while Slim held his hand up for a high-five.
A short while later, I was sitting on 1 of the couches in the waiting area while Slim tried to teach me how to play Poker. Though working the front desk came easy to me, figuring out how to play Poker was more difficult. I couldn't remember what was high, low, good or bad. By 3am, I had drifted off to sleep on the couch. I woke for only a minute when I felt a blanket being placed on me, then was fast asleep again.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Grandma's think of everything
***** Ok.. I don't know what I do that every time I have written something to post at a later time, it never does post, and somehow gets erased!! Grrr!! I have to figure this out.. it's irritating! So, anyway.. sorry there was no posts since earlier last week. I have to rewrite the ones I'm missing and hopefully they'll be up with in a day or 2*****
The week progressed and it was time for my parents and brother to return home. I was staying an additional few weeks, possibly a month if I could. Saturday morning came and we all sat down for breakfast. Conversation veered toward my extended stay and my grandparents told me of all the things they had planned for us to do together. At that time, both of my grandparents both worked, but opposite shifts. My Grandfather worked from 5am until 2pm and my Grandmother worked overnights as a Manager at a local hotel near the beach.
My Grandmother asked me if I would be interested in joining her at work a few nights, and if I liked it, I could go as often as I wanted. I excitedly accepted and we made plans for me to go with her that evening. I knew I had to take somewhat of a nap during the day, otherwise I'd fall asleep by midnight. By 6pm I was fast asleep and at 10pm by Grandma came in to wake me. We both got dressed and left for work. On the way we stopped at a Checkers (burger joint) on the way so that we could get something to eat. That was a treat for me because my Grandparents didn't usually eat out anywhere, they preferred home cooked meals.
20 minutes later we arrived at the hotel and it was huge!! It has recently been remodeled so everything was super shiny and new. As we're getting out of the car she tells me that she packed a bag for me just in case I needed anything and to retrieve it out of the trunk. I get the bag and follow her into the lobby.
As the sliding doors open and I step inside, the first thing that caught my eye was the huge staircase directly in front. There was at least 30 steps then they split off at the top, 1 going to the left the other going towards the right and even more steps on each side. In the center of those to stairways was a giant picture of an old man. He actually reminded me a little of Colonel Sanders (The KFC guy). The reception area was directly to the left and the counter tops were made of big heavy shiny wood. The entry reminded me of old Victorian houses you see in the movies. Every spec of metal was glossy. There were ceiling to floor windows on every wall, all showing parts of the rest of the hotel with thick dark curtains. Directly behind the reception area, there was a window overlooking the spacious pool and deck. I had no idea there was even a pool there and kicked myself for not asking so I could bring my swim suit. To the right of the staircase were 2 sets of swinging doors. Beside those two door was another heavy door. I had no idea where any of those led to and turned to ask my Grandma. Apparently I was so engrossed in my surroundings that I didn't even notice her walk off. I took a few more steps forward and saw there was a sitting room underneath the staircase. It had 2 big couches with end tables and a coffee table in between the couches and 2 chairs directly in front of a fireplace. This place was gorgeous!! I loved it!
I heard a voice coming from behind me.. "Good evening, Miss. Is there something I can help you with?"
As I turned I saw a tall thin older black man standing there. The security uniform he wore clashed with his graying hair.
"Oh.. umm.. well yea.. I've seemed to have lost my Grandma" I answered
"Well, do you know which room she is staying in?" he asked
"No.. no.. she isn't staying here. She works here."
"Ohhh you must be Dot's grandbaby." I nodded my head yes "Here, I'll show you were she is. My name's Slim, by the way. What's yours?"
"I'm J" I said as I shook his hand.
He walked me over to the reception desk and leaned over, calling out for my Grandma. She appeared a few seconds later from what I assumed was an office with a arm load of papers and books. "So I see you met my grandbaby, Slim?"
"Yes ma'am, I did."
"Would you mind showing her around here the next time you go on your rounds?"
"I'd loved to!" he replied to her then turned towards me "Would you like to go now? I'm not due to do my rounds again for another 30 minutes, but we can go now if you'd like"
I agreed and and asked where I could leave my bag. I still had no idea what was in the bag and decided to ask my Grandma when we returned. She took the bag from me and placed it behind the counter. "I'll be right here when you get back. And when ya'll are done, if you want to go swimming, I packed your suit, a towell for you and a change of clothes"
Ahh.. leave it to my Grandma to think of everything :)
The week progressed and it was time for my parents and brother to return home. I was staying an additional few weeks, possibly a month if I could. Saturday morning came and we all sat down for breakfast. Conversation veered toward my extended stay and my grandparents told me of all the things they had planned for us to do together. At that time, both of my grandparents both worked, but opposite shifts. My Grandfather worked from 5am until 2pm and my Grandmother worked overnights as a Manager at a local hotel near the beach.
My Grandmother asked me if I would be interested in joining her at work a few nights, and if I liked it, I could go as often as I wanted. I excitedly accepted and we made plans for me to go with her that evening. I knew I had to take somewhat of a nap during the day, otherwise I'd fall asleep by midnight. By 6pm I was fast asleep and at 10pm by Grandma came in to wake me. We both got dressed and left for work. On the way we stopped at a Checkers (burger joint) on the way so that we could get something to eat. That was a treat for me because my Grandparents didn't usually eat out anywhere, they preferred home cooked meals.
20 minutes later we arrived at the hotel and it was huge!! It has recently been remodeled so everything was super shiny and new. As we're getting out of the car she tells me that she packed a bag for me just in case I needed anything and to retrieve it out of the trunk. I get the bag and follow her into the lobby.
As the sliding doors open and I step inside, the first thing that caught my eye was the huge staircase directly in front. There was at least 30 steps then they split off at the top, 1 going to the left the other going towards the right and even more steps on each side. In the center of those to stairways was a giant picture of an old man. He actually reminded me a little of Colonel Sanders (The KFC guy). The reception area was directly to the left and the counter tops were made of big heavy shiny wood. The entry reminded me of old Victorian houses you see in the movies. Every spec of metal was glossy. There were ceiling to floor windows on every wall, all showing parts of the rest of the hotel with thick dark curtains. Directly behind the reception area, there was a window overlooking the spacious pool and deck. I had no idea there was even a pool there and kicked myself for not asking so I could bring my swim suit. To the right of the staircase were 2 sets of swinging doors. Beside those two door was another heavy door. I had no idea where any of those led to and turned to ask my Grandma. Apparently I was so engrossed in my surroundings that I didn't even notice her walk off. I took a few more steps forward and saw there was a sitting room underneath the staircase. It had 2 big couches with end tables and a coffee table in between the couches and 2 chairs directly in front of a fireplace. This place was gorgeous!! I loved it!
I heard a voice coming from behind me.. "Good evening, Miss. Is there something I can help you with?"
As I turned I saw a tall thin older black man standing there. The security uniform he wore clashed with his graying hair.
"Oh.. umm.. well yea.. I've seemed to have lost my Grandma" I answered
"Well, do you know which room she is staying in?" he asked
"No.. no.. she isn't staying here. She works here."
"Ohhh you must be Dot's grandbaby." I nodded my head yes "Here, I'll show you were she is. My name's Slim, by the way. What's yours?"
"I'm J" I said as I shook his hand.
He walked me over to the reception desk and leaned over, calling out for my Grandma. She appeared a few seconds later from what I assumed was an office with a arm load of papers and books. "So I see you met my grandbaby, Slim?"
"Yes ma'am, I did."
"Would you mind showing her around here the next time you go on your rounds?"
"I'd loved to!" he replied to her then turned towards me "Would you like to go now? I'm not due to do my rounds again for another 30 minutes, but we can go now if you'd like"
I agreed and and asked where I could leave my bag. I still had no idea what was in the bag and decided to ask my Grandma when we returned. She took the bag from me and placed it behind the counter. "I'll be right here when you get back. And when ya'll are done, if you want to go swimming, I packed your suit, a towell for you and a change of clothes"
Ahh.. leave it to my Grandma to think of everything :)
Monday, May 17, 2010
And so it continues
The year progesses and nothing changes. O'Neil still treats me the same, and not often was he nice. Some days he would leave me completely alone except to demand a kiss before we departed. It didn't take long for me to get used to it. After awhile, I would just close my eyes and pretend he was someone else. Even on the days when he would assault my mouth with his thick and disgusting tongue, I would envision him as someone else. I never would kiss back, but I stood there and took it. It's sad really.. how I tolerated so much of his abuse... how I grew to just accept it.
Summer was coming soon and thoughts of long warm days got me by. My family and I were thinking about taking a vacation to visit my grandparents in Alabama and that excited me as well. I loved visiting my grandparents, they spoiled me wrotten!! I knew I would miss Vanessa, but I felt I just needed to get away for awhile. It had become apparent to me (in retrospect) that I was slipping deeper and deeper into depression. Nothing I did made me happy. Things that I used to enjoy greatly, barely made me smile now. I just wanted to be left alone... or just be with my dog, Pepper. However neurotic she was.. she was still nice to be around. She didn't expect anything from me but water, food and belly rubs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May came quickly and finals were wrapping up. Just a few more days until (almost) 3 months of freedom! To say I was just counting down the days is merely an understatement. The closer the days came, the more excited I was. While I didn't show it often on the outside, I was almost busting at the seams on the inside.
The family was packing up to go visit my grandparents for a few days and I decided I wanted to stay longer. I just needed to be away from my own life for awhile. Some place that only 2 people knew me. Some where far away from O'Neil and his abuse. I called my grandparents to make sure it was O.K., and as soon as I got the word, I packed more things. My goal was to stay about a month. I would stay 2 months, but I knew I'd miss my family, my dog and Vanessa too much to be gone any longer. Plus, my grandparents are early risers and breakfast is served promply at 8am. I was willing to give up on some sleep for a while, just to be able to escape my reality.
In the early hours of the morning, we packed up the car and set out for our 7 hr drive. A family friend was staying home with Pepper b/c car rides made her sick and my grandma was deathly afraid of dogs anyway.
We finally arrived at their house not long after breakfast and my brother and I were hyper since we slept most of the way. They have a nice sized pond on their property so we spent most of our days out there on the boat fishing or on the bank catching tadpoles. In the evenings, we would catch lightening bugs in a jar and play hide-n-seek in the woods. At that time, my worries of school, the bus rides and of O'Neil were far from my mind. I was finally acting like a kid again. Light hearted and light spirited. I never wanted that Summer to end.
Summer was coming soon and thoughts of long warm days got me by. My family and I were thinking about taking a vacation to visit my grandparents in Alabama and that excited me as well. I loved visiting my grandparents, they spoiled me wrotten!! I knew I would miss Vanessa, but I felt I just needed to get away for awhile. It had become apparent to me (in retrospect) that I was slipping deeper and deeper into depression. Nothing I did made me happy. Things that I used to enjoy greatly, barely made me smile now. I just wanted to be left alone... or just be with my dog, Pepper. However neurotic she was.. she was still nice to be around. She didn't expect anything from me but water, food and belly rubs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May came quickly and finals were wrapping up. Just a few more days until (almost) 3 months of freedom! To say I was just counting down the days is merely an understatement. The closer the days came, the more excited I was. While I didn't show it often on the outside, I was almost busting at the seams on the inside.
The family was packing up to go visit my grandparents for a few days and I decided I wanted to stay longer. I just needed to be away from my own life for awhile. Some place that only 2 people knew me. Some where far away from O'Neil and his abuse. I called my grandparents to make sure it was O.K., and as soon as I got the word, I packed more things. My goal was to stay about a month. I would stay 2 months, but I knew I'd miss my family, my dog and Vanessa too much to be gone any longer. Plus, my grandparents are early risers and breakfast is served promply at 8am. I was willing to give up on some sleep for a while, just to be able to escape my reality.
In the early hours of the morning, we packed up the car and set out for our 7 hr drive. A family friend was staying home with Pepper b/c car rides made her sick and my grandma was deathly afraid of dogs anyway.
We finally arrived at their house not long after breakfast and my brother and I were hyper since we slept most of the way. They have a nice sized pond on their property so we spent most of our days out there on the boat fishing or on the bank catching tadpoles. In the evenings, we would catch lightening bugs in a jar and play hide-n-seek in the woods. At that time, my worries of school, the bus rides and of O'Neil were far from my mind. I was finally acting like a kid again. Light hearted and light spirited. I never wanted that Summer to end.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Changes
We were notified that school was canceled for an additional 3 days, however, after that, we would be bused to another middle school in another town. They decided that the middle school we were going to would do their classes from 8am-12, and then our school would show up for classes at 1pm and go until 5pm, until either our school got rebuilt or we were out for the summer.. which ever came first. Though in the begining it sounded great.. I could always sleep in but on the other hand, I didn't get home til sometimes after 6pm at night because the school was further away and we'd have to travel through rush hour traffic.
It didn't dawn on me at first that that meant more time riding the bus. We returned to school on a Thursday and the 1st few days were really hectic. No one knew were anything was at the new school so finding your classes took much longer. Lucky for me, the topic of the school burning was all the talk so my bus rides were pretty uneventful for during that time. O'Neil would still sit in my seat but normally he'd turn his back to me and talk to his friends and family. Not to say that there was NEVER a snide remark from him, or the occational slap on my butt here and there, but some how I tolerated it. I was just glad he wasn't trying anything like he had before.
I started to think that maybe that was the end of it. I could deal with his crap as long as he didn't touch me like that again. It's sad really, that you rationalize things that way when faced with a choice. What's the lesser of 2 evils? Definately him just smaking me every so often than the alternative. I still never knew when he'd blow up and become angry at me for reasons I never understood, or try to put his hand up my skirt again.
The uneventful bus rides only lasted about a week and he reverted back to how he treated me before. This time though, he took advantage of the long ride for his own benefit. One afternoon on the way to school, he boarded the bus and, like always, sat next to me. As he sat down he turned to me, "So.. you wanna go out with me, or what?"
(nervous giggle) "What??" I asked
"Don't make me repeat myself, bitch"
"OH.. umm.. no thanks. Sorry.. I'm not allowed to date yet"
"You're kidding me right?"
"No.. I'm not kidding. My parents said I can't date anyone til I'm older. So, no.. I won't go out with you"
SLAP! "Don't fucking tell me no, Bitch! It wasn't a choice, really!"
My face hurt. He somehow was able to get enough momentum to slap me across the face, leaving a red handprint. The few people around me that heard or saw, just turned away. They didn't want to get involved. His friends laughed, egging him on, telling him to try to make me cry. Or better yet, maybe I'd 'fall down' again. They seemed to feed off of my humiliation.
I just stared at him in shock as I rubbed my cheek. I didin't know what to say, so I said nothing at all.
"Good.. then it's settled. You're my bitch" He said as his friends laughed
I turned and just stared out the window, reverting inwards.
How did I get to THIS point? Now what am I going to do? It's obvious I can't break up with him.. look at what he just did when I said I wasn't allowed to date!!
For the remainder of the bus ride I kept my back towards him wishing we'd arrive at school any minute. We finally arrived 15 minutes later and as I tried to exit the bus, he came up behind me and grabbed my ass again. Automatically, I whorled around ready to yell, but when I saw his face I said nothing. I turned on my heels and attempted to continue walking. Just as I was about an arms length away, he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me back.
"Don't forget to give me a kiss goodbye" He said
What?? Oh my god.. oh my god.. oh my god! I don't want to kiss him! He's so gross! I WANT to knee him in the nuts, spit in his face, then kick him again when he's down.
Instead, I just froze. He pulls me closer to him, his chest pressed against my back but still doesnt' let go of my hair. I wouldn't move voluntarily so he turns me around to face him and leans in to kiss me. I don't kiss back, I WON'T kiss him back. I am frozen like a statue and my body goes rigid at his touch. I can feel the bile rising in my throat but I know better than to throw up on him. He would surely kick my ass if I did.
During this time, I look around to see who's watching and to see where the bus driver went. He's still sitting at the drivers seat, but looking at us by way of the large mirror mounted above his head. O'Neil finally lets me go and I walk quickly down the isle as O'Neil follows me. In passing, I can hear the bus driver say to O'Neil: "OH! Good for you! You finally got her!" and gives O'Neil a high-5.
I was beyond mortified. I wanted the world to open up and swallow me whole. I can hear the whispers and murmers of my fellow riders talking about me kissing him, all wondering what I was thinking and how gross that was. HA! Please! You have NO idea what's gross until you can feel his thick disgusting tonge trying to pry your lips open to slip it inside your mouth as he still has you by the hair. I thought to myself as I quickly ran down the stairs. I made a beeline for homeroom, but I could hear Vanessa calling my name behind me. I didn't stop or turn around. I wanted to be gone. I didn't want to hear what Vanessa had to say.
It didn't dawn on me at first that that meant more time riding the bus. We returned to school on a Thursday and the 1st few days were really hectic. No one knew were anything was at the new school so finding your classes took much longer. Lucky for me, the topic of the school burning was all the talk so my bus rides were pretty uneventful for during that time. O'Neil would still sit in my seat but normally he'd turn his back to me and talk to his friends and family. Not to say that there was NEVER a snide remark from him, or the occational slap on my butt here and there, but some how I tolerated it. I was just glad he wasn't trying anything like he had before.
I started to think that maybe that was the end of it. I could deal with his crap as long as he didn't touch me like that again. It's sad really, that you rationalize things that way when faced with a choice. What's the lesser of 2 evils? Definately him just smaking me every so often than the alternative. I still never knew when he'd blow up and become angry at me for reasons I never understood, or try to put his hand up my skirt again.
The uneventful bus rides only lasted about a week and he reverted back to how he treated me before. This time though, he took advantage of the long ride for his own benefit. One afternoon on the way to school, he boarded the bus and, like always, sat next to me. As he sat down he turned to me, "So.. you wanna go out with me, or what?"
(nervous giggle) "What??" I asked
"Don't make me repeat myself, bitch"
"OH.. umm.. no thanks. Sorry.. I'm not allowed to date yet"
"You're kidding me right?"
"No.. I'm not kidding. My parents said I can't date anyone til I'm older. So, no.. I won't go out with you"
SLAP! "Don't fucking tell me no, Bitch! It wasn't a choice, really!"
My face hurt. He somehow was able to get enough momentum to slap me across the face, leaving a red handprint. The few people around me that heard or saw, just turned away. They didn't want to get involved. His friends laughed, egging him on, telling him to try to make me cry. Or better yet, maybe I'd 'fall down' again. They seemed to feed off of my humiliation.
I just stared at him in shock as I rubbed my cheek. I didin't know what to say, so I said nothing at all.
"Good.. then it's settled. You're my bitch" He said as his friends laughed
I turned and just stared out the window, reverting inwards.
How did I get to THIS point? Now what am I going to do? It's obvious I can't break up with him.. look at what he just did when I said I wasn't allowed to date!!
For the remainder of the bus ride I kept my back towards him wishing we'd arrive at school any minute. We finally arrived 15 minutes later and as I tried to exit the bus, he came up behind me and grabbed my ass again. Automatically, I whorled around ready to yell, but when I saw his face I said nothing. I turned on my heels and attempted to continue walking. Just as I was about an arms length away, he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me back.
"Don't forget to give me a kiss goodbye" He said
What?? Oh my god.. oh my god.. oh my god! I don't want to kiss him! He's so gross! I WANT to knee him in the nuts, spit in his face, then kick him again when he's down.
Instead, I just froze. He pulls me closer to him, his chest pressed against my back but still doesnt' let go of my hair. I wouldn't move voluntarily so he turns me around to face him and leans in to kiss me. I don't kiss back, I WON'T kiss him back. I am frozen like a statue and my body goes rigid at his touch. I can feel the bile rising in my throat but I know better than to throw up on him. He would surely kick my ass if I did.
During this time, I look around to see who's watching and to see where the bus driver went. He's still sitting at the drivers seat, but looking at us by way of the large mirror mounted above his head. O'Neil finally lets me go and I walk quickly down the isle as O'Neil follows me. In passing, I can hear the bus driver say to O'Neil: "OH! Good for you! You finally got her!" and gives O'Neil a high-5.
I was beyond mortified. I wanted the world to open up and swallow me whole. I can hear the whispers and murmers of my fellow riders talking about me kissing him, all wondering what I was thinking and how gross that was. HA! Please! You have NO idea what's gross until you can feel his thick disgusting tonge trying to pry your lips open to slip it inside your mouth as he still has you by the hair. I thought to myself as I quickly ran down the stairs. I made a beeline for homeroom, but I could hear Vanessa calling my name behind me. I didn't stop or turn around. I wanted to be gone. I didn't want to hear what Vanessa had to say.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
The best presents ever!
Christmas came faster than any of us expected and on that morning my mom woke me up before it was even daylight.
"Moooomm.. ughh.. it's not even light out yet!" I whinned
"I know! But it's CHRISTMAS!! You can go back to sleep later... now get up!" She exclaimed all cherry.
I love Christmas, but I hate that my parents wake up before the chickens and think that my brother and I are still kids and LIKE to get up before the crack of dawn. She stood in my doorway with her morning cup of coffee and it was obvious she wasn't leaving until she saw me stir. I groaned once more and finally got up.
"Let me atleast pee first.. geeeezz" I mumbled as I walked past her. I am NOT a morning person, and it doesn't matter if it WAS Christmas.. I still wanted to sleep in.
After throwing water on my face, I emerged feeling a little more awake. I opened the bathroom door to see my father standing there urging me to hurry up. I swear, at Christmad time, it's like my parents switch places with me and my brother and THEY'RE the kids that morning.. just begging to open gifts.
Hours later, we were all finished opening gifts and decided to make breakfast. My brother was busy playing with some new gadget he had gotten so I helped my mom in the kitchen. The rest of the day was spent taking naps, snacking on Christmas sweets and admiring the new things we all got.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two days later I crawled out of bed around noon and wondered into the living room. On the TV stand was a note from my parents (since they both went back to work already).
"J~ Was going to wake you up to say Happy Birthday, but we know you love to sleep in. Don't bother trying to sneak a peak at your bday gifts.. we took them with us to work. Give 1 of us a call whenever you get up and tell us what you want to do today, we're both leaving early so we should be home around lunch time. Love, Mom and Dad"
I chuckled as I put down the note and continued to the couch. Did they really think I was going to try to sneak a peek at my presents? That just ruins the surprise. I checked the clock again and realized they both would probably be home soon so instead of bothering to make something for breakfast I decided to shower and be ready when they got there. About 45 minutes later they were home and I still had no idea what I wanted to do. I always wanted a dog, so I suggested going to one of those dog rescue places we'd seen around town and get one. After much pleading and begging (with my brother's help of course) they finally gave in and we all piled in the car. We decided to eat lunch first, since all of us were already hungry, then head over to a local pet rescue facility about 15 minutes away.
After a great lunch at Olive Garden (hhmmm.. love their alfredo!!) we arrived at the facility and as soon as I stepped out of the car I saw the dog I wanted immediately. She was a black lab mix puppy (not sure mixed with what, since she looked 100% black lab to me and to everyone else) with just a small white patch on her chin. I decided to call her Pepper and after filling out all the paperwork, we were on our way home. My dad dropped my brother and mom off with the dog so he and I could go out and get a crate, dog food and toys for Pepper to play with. The lady told us Black Labs are known to chew A LOT so to make sure there were plenty of toys for her to play with and until she's much older, don't leave her alone in the house uncrated. Otherwise, we'd come home to the whole house chewed up.
Pepper quickly became a part of the family and was (overall) a joy to have around. We fould out very soon what the lady meant by 'they chew a lot'. In just a matter of a few weeks, she had eaten 5 pairs of shoes, a pair of pantyhose, a 24 pack of big red gum, a $5 bill and a gold bracelet. Luckily, we were able to get the pantyhose out before she had swallowed them completely and none of the rest of the stuff required a trip to the vet. What goes in.. eventually comes out.. and all in 1 piece too!
Before I knew it, the break was over. The night before returning I realized that I never did figure out what to do about O'Neil. I was surprised that I was able to not think about him throughout the whole break, but now, I was starting to get anxious about my return to school. I laid in bed that night praying something would happen that I wouldn't have to ride the bus. I prayed that my mom or dad would offer to take me to school, though I knew that wouldn't happen. They had to be at work way before I had to be at school. I became so angry that I prayed that a house would fall on his and he wouldn't be able to come to school. That maybe HE had to get a ride other than the bus. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was praying a miracle would happen.
I was awoken the next morning by my mom telling me to get up. That I HAD to watch the news. My first thought was,, Geezz Mom.. it's 6:00 in the morning! I dont' have to be up so early! And what do I care whats on the news right now?!! But she persisted so I turned on my T.V. I couldn't figure out what was so damn important that I had to wake up to see, but I soon found out.
"Breaking News! The local middle school was set on fire sometime early this morning and is still blazing. The Fire Department responded to a call around 3am and they are currently still trying to get it contained. It is evident that students will not be permitted inside the building today and we're still waiting to hear how bad the damage actually is..." I turned off the T.V. as the news reporter trailed on and sat there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn't believe it! My prayers were answered! At least I'd have another few days to think of something! That was the best Christmas/Birthday present I could ever ask for.
"Moooomm.. ughh.. it's not even light out yet!" I whinned
"I know! But it's CHRISTMAS!! You can go back to sleep later... now get up!" She exclaimed all cherry.
I love Christmas, but I hate that my parents wake up before the chickens and think that my brother and I are still kids and LIKE to get up before the crack of dawn. She stood in my doorway with her morning cup of coffee and it was obvious she wasn't leaving until she saw me stir. I groaned once more and finally got up.
"Let me atleast pee first.. geeeezz" I mumbled as I walked past her. I am NOT a morning person, and it doesn't matter if it WAS Christmas.. I still wanted to sleep in.
After throwing water on my face, I emerged feeling a little more awake. I opened the bathroom door to see my father standing there urging me to hurry up. I swear, at Christmad time, it's like my parents switch places with me and my brother and THEY'RE the kids that morning.. just begging to open gifts.
Hours later, we were all finished opening gifts and decided to make breakfast. My brother was busy playing with some new gadget he had gotten so I helped my mom in the kitchen. The rest of the day was spent taking naps, snacking on Christmas sweets and admiring the new things we all got.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two days later I crawled out of bed around noon and wondered into the living room. On the TV stand was a note from my parents (since they both went back to work already).
"J~ Was going to wake you up to say Happy Birthday, but we know you love to sleep in. Don't bother trying to sneak a peak at your bday gifts.. we took them with us to work. Give 1 of us a call whenever you get up and tell us what you want to do today, we're both leaving early so we should be home around lunch time. Love, Mom and Dad"
I chuckled as I put down the note and continued to the couch. Did they really think I was going to try to sneak a peek at my presents? That just ruins the surprise. I checked the clock again and realized they both would probably be home soon so instead of bothering to make something for breakfast I decided to shower and be ready when they got there. About 45 minutes later they were home and I still had no idea what I wanted to do. I always wanted a dog, so I suggested going to one of those dog rescue places we'd seen around town and get one. After much pleading and begging (with my brother's help of course) they finally gave in and we all piled in the car. We decided to eat lunch first, since all of us were already hungry, then head over to a local pet rescue facility about 15 minutes away.
After a great lunch at Olive Garden (hhmmm.. love their alfredo!!) we arrived at the facility and as soon as I stepped out of the car I saw the dog I wanted immediately. She was a black lab mix puppy (not sure mixed with what, since she looked 100% black lab to me and to everyone else) with just a small white patch on her chin. I decided to call her Pepper and after filling out all the paperwork, we were on our way home. My dad dropped my brother and mom off with the dog so he and I could go out and get a crate, dog food and toys for Pepper to play with. The lady told us Black Labs are known to chew A LOT so to make sure there were plenty of toys for her to play with and until she's much older, don't leave her alone in the house uncrated. Otherwise, we'd come home to the whole house chewed up.
Pepper quickly became a part of the family and was (overall) a joy to have around. We fould out very soon what the lady meant by 'they chew a lot'. In just a matter of a few weeks, she had eaten 5 pairs of shoes, a pair of pantyhose, a 24 pack of big red gum, a $5 bill and a gold bracelet. Luckily, we were able to get the pantyhose out before she had swallowed them completely and none of the rest of the stuff required a trip to the vet. What goes in.. eventually comes out.. and all in 1 piece too!
Before I knew it, the break was over. The night before returning I realized that I never did figure out what to do about O'Neil. I was surprised that I was able to not think about him throughout the whole break, but now, I was starting to get anxious about my return to school. I laid in bed that night praying something would happen that I wouldn't have to ride the bus. I prayed that my mom or dad would offer to take me to school, though I knew that wouldn't happen. They had to be at work way before I had to be at school. I became so angry that I prayed that a house would fall on his and he wouldn't be able to come to school. That maybe HE had to get a ride other than the bus. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was praying a miracle would happen.
I was awoken the next morning by my mom telling me to get up. That I HAD to watch the news. My first thought was,, Geezz Mom.. it's 6:00 in the morning! I dont' have to be up so early! And what do I care whats on the news right now?!! But she persisted so I turned on my T.V. I couldn't figure out what was so damn important that I had to wake up to see, but I soon found out.
"Breaking News! The local middle school was set on fire sometime early this morning and is still blazing. The Fire Department responded to a call around 3am and they are currently still trying to get it contained. It is evident that students will not be permitted inside the building today and we're still waiting to hear how bad the damage actually is..." I turned off the T.V. as the news reporter trailed on and sat there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn't believe it! My prayers were answered! At least I'd have another few days to think of something! That was the best Christmas/Birthday present I could ever ask for.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Vacation here I come!
The rest of the day seemed to go slower and slower as we got closer to the end. When the final bell rang, I ran to my locker, put everything inside and flew out to the bus. I couldn't wait to get out of there and be home. I couldn't wait to stay up late and sleep in come the morning and I REALLY couldn't wait that as of today, was the last time I had to see or deal with O'Neil for awhile.
I boarded the bus with thoughts of Christmas. Presents under the tree for my family, and some for me. Then right after that would be my birthday. I was still trying to think of something I wanted to do for my birthday. Tradition in my family is, that on your birthday you get to plan the whole day. You can go anywhere you want (within reason), do whatever you want, and have dinner where ever you wanted. I still hadn't decided what I wanted to do and decided to ask Vanessa if she had any ideas.
To my surprise Vanessa was already on so I sat at my regular seat, her 2 down from me, and I asked her. We spent the next few minutes trying to plan ideas for my day until I heard O'Neil coming towards the bus. Sad that I could HEAR him before I saw him. He had a big booming voice and was always loud whenever he talked to anyone. We quickly ended our conversation about my plans and decided to talk about something else. I purposely kept my back towards him so that I wouldn't see him coming. Of course, he sat with me anyway. I had another idea... Why don't I try to start a conversation with him before he even had a chance to be a jerk to me.
"Hi! So any big plans for the break?" I asked, in a strange and chipper way. He turned and stared at me like I had 3 heads.
"Umm.. no.. not really.. why? You want to go out?" He said with a smurk
"Oh!! (nervous laughing) No.. I was just curious. Christmas is my family's favorite time of year and was just asking if your family had anything special planned"
"No, we don't really do anything special. A few gifts, then its over" He said. He actually looked a little sad, and for an instant, I almost felt sorry for him.
I kept the bus ride full of useless conversation just to keep him preoccupied so he didn't do anything rude. I looked at my windo and was shocked to see that we were already at my stop. I grabbed my things and waited for him to move to let me by... but he won't move!! He just sat there.
"Excuse me.. I need to get off"
(him laughing as he looks up to me) "haha.. yea.. I need to 'GET OFF' too!!" he and his friends snicker. At first I didn't get the 'joke', but as he stared at me, I realized what he meant. He must have known when I finally understood his hidden joke because I know my face showed all of my emotions. 1st quizative, 2nd realization, 3rd.. appauled. Before I even had a chance to say or do anything, he already had his hand up my skirt and was making his way with his fingers under my panties. I jerked back so fast I almost fell over the seat infront of us. The look on my face was pure shock, and disgust. With all my might I tried to push his hand away. Though his hand wasn't completely out from under my skirt, it was no longer IN my underware. His other hand was fidgeting with something and when I turned to look, I realized he had unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and had already begun to pull out his dick. Again, I was shocked and digusted. It didn't register right away what his intentions were, but I just knew I had to get away and fast.
Luckily there were people that sat behind us that needed to get off to and his friends were blocking the isle. Some pushing in the isle persued and I was able to get free with my clothes intact and other than feeling gross, he hadn't been able to get as far as he wanted. In no way did he actually make contact with any of my part, but just the same, I felt gross.
I ran off the bus, down the stairs and continued down the road. I didn't even look back to see were Vanessa was. I didn't even want to go to her house, I just wanted to be alone. She caught up with me about 1/2 way and wanted to know what was wrong.
"why are you running like that? Jesus!"
"OH MY GOD VANESSA! He TOUCHED me!"
"Yea.. I know he does. It sucks...." she trailed off
"NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I shouted "I mean like.. he TOUCHED ME! He had his hands UP my skirt and was trying to get UNDER my underware!!"
The look on her face made me assume thats what I looked like when he did it to me. Shock and disgust
"oh my god, J! No way! I'm so sorry!! Are you O.K.? What are you going to do??"
"What CAN I do, Vanessa? The school obviously doesn't believe me, and now.. I'm REALLY too embarressed to tell my folks. They would FLIP!!! And possibly make me leave this school... this school and you! I don't want to leave" I whinned
She put her arm around my shoulders and we continued to walk back to her house, though I still wanted to be left alone. She promised me that we would think of something and we'd get through this together. She also reminded me that today was the last time I was going to have to see him for awhile. For the rest of the day I never regained my happy attitude, but I was atleast feeling better that today was over.
I boarded the bus with thoughts of Christmas. Presents under the tree for my family, and some for me. Then right after that would be my birthday. I was still trying to think of something I wanted to do for my birthday. Tradition in my family is, that on your birthday you get to plan the whole day. You can go anywhere you want (within reason), do whatever you want, and have dinner where ever you wanted. I still hadn't decided what I wanted to do and decided to ask Vanessa if she had any ideas.
To my surprise Vanessa was already on so I sat at my regular seat, her 2 down from me, and I asked her. We spent the next few minutes trying to plan ideas for my day until I heard O'Neil coming towards the bus. Sad that I could HEAR him before I saw him. He had a big booming voice and was always loud whenever he talked to anyone. We quickly ended our conversation about my plans and decided to talk about something else. I purposely kept my back towards him so that I wouldn't see him coming. Of course, he sat with me anyway. I had another idea... Why don't I try to start a conversation with him before he even had a chance to be a jerk to me.
"Hi! So any big plans for the break?" I asked, in a strange and chipper way. He turned and stared at me like I had 3 heads.
"Umm.. no.. not really.. why? You want to go out?" He said with a smurk
"Oh!! (nervous laughing) No.. I was just curious. Christmas is my family's favorite time of year and was just asking if your family had anything special planned"
"No, we don't really do anything special. A few gifts, then its over" He said. He actually looked a little sad, and for an instant, I almost felt sorry for him.
I kept the bus ride full of useless conversation just to keep him preoccupied so he didn't do anything rude. I looked at my windo and was shocked to see that we were already at my stop. I grabbed my things and waited for him to move to let me by... but he won't move!! He just sat there.
"Excuse me.. I need to get off"
(him laughing as he looks up to me) "haha.. yea.. I need to 'GET OFF' too!!" he and his friends snicker. At first I didn't get the 'joke', but as he stared at me, I realized what he meant. He must have known when I finally understood his hidden joke because I know my face showed all of my emotions. 1st quizative, 2nd realization, 3rd.. appauled. Before I even had a chance to say or do anything, he already had his hand up my skirt and was making his way with his fingers under my panties. I jerked back so fast I almost fell over the seat infront of us. The look on my face was pure shock, and disgust. With all my might I tried to push his hand away. Though his hand wasn't completely out from under my skirt, it was no longer IN my underware. His other hand was fidgeting with something and when I turned to look, I realized he had unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and had already begun to pull out his dick. Again, I was shocked and digusted. It didn't register right away what his intentions were, but I just knew I had to get away and fast.
Luckily there were people that sat behind us that needed to get off to and his friends were blocking the isle. Some pushing in the isle persued and I was able to get free with my clothes intact and other than feeling gross, he hadn't been able to get as far as he wanted. In no way did he actually make contact with any of my part, but just the same, I felt gross.
I ran off the bus, down the stairs and continued down the road. I didn't even look back to see were Vanessa was. I didn't even want to go to her house, I just wanted to be alone. She caught up with me about 1/2 way and wanted to know what was wrong.
"why are you running like that? Jesus!"
"OH MY GOD VANESSA! He TOUCHED me!"
"Yea.. I know he does. It sucks...." she trailed off
"NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I shouted "I mean like.. he TOUCHED ME! He had his hands UP my skirt and was trying to get UNDER my underware!!"
The look on her face made me assume thats what I looked like when he did it to me. Shock and disgust
"oh my god, J! No way! I'm so sorry!! Are you O.K.? What are you going to do??"
"What CAN I do, Vanessa? The school obviously doesn't believe me, and now.. I'm REALLY too embarressed to tell my folks. They would FLIP!!! And possibly make me leave this school... this school and you! I don't want to leave" I whinned
She put her arm around my shoulders and we continued to walk back to her house, though I still wanted to be left alone. She promised me that we would think of something and we'd get through this together. She also reminded me that today was the last time I was going to have to see him for awhile. For the rest of the day I never regained my happy attitude, but I was atleast feeling better that today was over.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
It's Break Time!!
** Just a side note, I think I caught up with my posts for the week I was out of town, so from here, I'll more than likely stick to the regular posting schedule. (Tuesday's, Thursday's and Sunday's) Some nights I may get bored and write something extra, who knows?? :)**
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The next morning I woke with great anticipation. I couldn't wait for the day to end and to finally begin my Christmas break. Quickly, I showered, dressed and headed to Vanessa's. I wasn't going to let anything ruin my day today, even IF (IF! haha I know there wasn't an 'if', I knew it was more than likely) O'Neil bothered me that day.
Dragging Vanessa out the door while she was still trying to eat her toast, I asked again to confirm she was still going to be around for my birthday. My birthday is probably one of the most crappiest days to have it on. Just 2 days after Christmas, meaning, I either got shafted with 2-in-1 gifts (here's your Christmas present, and it's also your bday present, we didn't have enough money to get you both) or everyone was out of town and doing the family thing for the holiday. Vanessa assured me she was going to be around and that she'd definately come over. (**Thankfully, my parents never did the 2-in-1 gift thing, but my brother tried to do it 1 year.. until my mom told him no!! haha)
I was in such a good mood that day and finally feeling like I was back to my joyous, bubbly self. I was cracking jokes and goofing off while Vanessa just stared at me in amazement. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out WHY I was so happy.
"What's up with you this morning? You're never this chipper?" She asked skeptically.
"Oh nothing really. I'm just super glad today is the last day for a few weeks. Nothing's gonna get me down today! Not even that jerk-off!" I said and we both laughed.
The bus pulled up a few minutes later and we were on our way. I had also decided that I was going to try a new strategy with O'Neil. When we were getting near his stop, I was going to pull out a book and do my homework. (or at least he was going to THINK I was doing it, even though I had already done it the night before.) I figured I pull out my math book, since I was not doing too well in that class anyway and could use this time to refresh my memory for the test we had that day.
A short time later, we were at his stop and as he boarded, I had my book in my lap, papers and pencil out and problems already written, acting as if I still had to complete it. I didn't even pick my head up when the bus stopped, I acted like I didn't even notice him walking down the isle, even though I could feel him near. I had my bag on the seat as well, making yet another obsticle for him to bother me. Of course it didn't matter to him, he moved it and sat down anyway and tried talking to me.
"Miss your loveboy yet?"
Silence... I didn't even pick up my head
"I SAID!! Are you missing your loverboy, yet?
Again, silence, nose still stuck in the book
"Don't ignore me bitch!" he yelled
"LOOK! I gotta get this done.. like NOW! I don't have time for your crap today! Just go away!" I finally looked up and yelled at him and as soon as I did I had an oh shit! feeling. I surely thought I was going to feel the back of his hand on my face again. Surprisingly, he only stared at me so I quickly put my head back down and continued on my 'fake' homework. He didn't say any more to me for the rest of the ride and I was greatful. I knew my plan wouldn't work every time, but at least I won this round with him. I only had to get through the bus ride home and I'd be free of him for awhile. Over the break I knew I had to think of something else, and hoped that by then Henry might be back.
I felt like I was rushing the clock all day, willing it to go faster so I could go home. By the time lunch rolled around, my day was over 1/2 finished and I was getting more anxious by the minute. I found Vanessa inside the lunchroom and we walked to get in line. While waiting there for our food, as her and I were chatting about what we wanted for Christmas, I over heard a group of girls talking about Henry. I tried to listen in without being obvious about it...
"YES! It's true! I heard it from Lisa!" The preppy little blonde said
hmm.. ok.. who the hell was Lisa.. and what did she know about Henry?
"Yea but.. why would Lisa know? How do you know it's the truth?" The other girl asked
"What are you retarded? You're seriously asking why would Lisa know?! Hellooooo!! She's the one he ATTCKED!"
Ohh my God! What did they know?? I missed it!! I don't want to ask her what she's talking about.. but Oh God! I gotta know!!
"Well.. then.. I guess she would know. Did they actually TELL her they expelled him? Or just that he wasn't going to bother her anymore?"
"Expelled! As in never coming back."
Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! Damn it all to hell! Now I REALLY need to think of something
My attention was drawn back to the conversation I was having with Vanessa when she poked me in the arm asking why I wasn't answering. I had no idea she even asked me a question so I turned around and asked her to repeat it. She was bothered, but repeated what she asked and we paid for our food to find a seat. Once we sat down, I leaned over to tell her what I heard and explain why I wasn't paying attention. Thankfully, she understood and was no longer miffed at me.
"So.. what are you going to do now?" She asked while stuffing fries into her mouth
"I don't know.. that homework thing I did this morning isn't going to work all the time. You're gonna have to help me think of something over break"
She agreed and we finished our lunch talking about regular things; Christmas, shopping, classes and of course boys. I was finally back to my carefree attitude I had woken up with that day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning I woke with great anticipation. I couldn't wait for the day to end and to finally begin my Christmas break. Quickly, I showered, dressed and headed to Vanessa's. I wasn't going to let anything ruin my day today, even IF (IF! haha I know there wasn't an 'if', I knew it was more than likely) O'Neil bothered me that day.
Dragging Vanessa out the door while she was still trying to eat her toast, I asked again to confirm she was still going to be around for my birthday. My birthday is probably one of the most crappiest days to have it on. Just 2 days after Christmas, meaning, I either got shafted with 2-in-1 gifts (here's your Christmas present, and it's also your bday present, we didn't have enough money to get you both) or everyone was out of town and doing the family thing for the holiday. Vanessa assured me she was going to be around and that she'd definately come over. (**Thankfully, my parents never did the 2-in-1 gift thing, but my brother tried to do it 1 year.. until my mom told him no!! haha)
I was in such a good mood that day and finally feeling like I was back to my joyous, bubbly self. I was cracking jokes and goofing off while Vanessa just stared at me in amazement. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out WHY I was so happy.
"What's up with you this morning? You're never this chipper?" She asked skeptically.
"Oh nothing really. I'm just super glad today is the last day for a few weeks. Nothing's gonna get me down today! Not even that jerk-off!" I said and we both laughed.
The bus pulled up a few minutes later and we were on our way. I had also decided that I was going to try a new strategy with O'Neil. When we were getting near his stop, I was going to pull out a book and do my homework. (or at least he was going to THINK I was doing it, even though I had already done it the night before.) I figured I pull out my math book, since I was not doing too well in that class anyway and could use this time to refresh my memory for the test we had that day.
A short time later, we were at his stop and as he boarded, I had my book in my lap, papers and pencil out and problems already written, acting as if I still had to complete it. I didn't even pick my head up when the bus stopped, I acted like I didn't even notice him walking down the isle, even though I could feel him near. I had my bag on the seat as well, making yet another obsticle for him to bother me. Of course it didn't matter to him, he moved it and sat down anyway and tried talking to me.
"Miss your loveboy yet?"
Silence... I didn't even pick up my head
"I SAID!! Are you missing your loverboy, yet?
Again, silence, nose still stuck in the book
"Don't ignore me bitch!" he yelled
"LOOK! I gotta get this done.. like NOW! I don't have time for your crap today! Just go away!" I finally looked up and yelled at him and as soon as I did I had an oh shit! feeling. I surely thought I was going to feel the back of his hand on my face again. Surprisingly, he only stared at me so I quickly put my head back down and continued on my 'fake' homework. He didn't say any more to me for the rest of the ride and I was greatful. I knew my plan wouldn't work every time, but at least I won this round with him. I only had to get through the bus ride home and I'd be free of him for awhile. Over the break I knew I had to think of something else, and hoped that by then Henry might be back.
I felt like I was rushing the clock all day, willing it to go faster so I could go home. By the time lunch rolled around, my day was over 1/2 finished and I was getting more anxious by the minute. I found Vanessa inside the lunchroom and we walked to get in line. While waiting there for our food, as her and I were chatting about what we wanted for Christmas, I over heard a group of girls talking about Henry. I tried to listen in without being obvious about it...
"YES! It's true! I heard it from Lisa!" The preppy little blonde said
hmm.. ok.. who the hell was Lisa.. and what did she know about Henry?
"Yea but.. why would Lisa know? How do you know it's the truth?" The other girl asked
"What are you retarded? You're seriously asking why would Lisa know?! Hellooooo!! She's the one he ATTCKED!"
Ohh my God! What did they know?? I missed it!! I don't want to ask her what she's talking about.. but Oh God! I gotta know!!
"Well.. then.. I guess she would know. Did they actually TELL her they expelled him? Or just that he wasn't going to bother her anymore?"
"Expelled! As in never coming back."
Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! Damn it all to hell! Now I REALLY need to think of something
My attention was drawn back to the conversation I was having with Vanessa when she poked me in the arm asking why I wasn't answering. I had no idea she even asked me a question so I turned around and asked her to repeat it. She was bothered, but repeated what she asked and we paid for our food to find a seat. Once we sat down, I leaned over to tell her what I heard and explain why I wasn't paying attention. Thankfully, she understood and was no longer miffed at me.
"So.. what are you going to do now?" She asked while stuffing fries into her mouth
"I don't know.. that homework thing I did this morning isn't going to work all the time. You're gonna have to help me think of something over break"
She agreed and we finished our lunch talking about regular things; Christmas, shopping, classes and of course boys. I was finally back to my carefree attitude I had woken up with that day.
Friday, May 7, 2010
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first group of my classes for the day continued on uneventful. Lunch time was next and I was looking forward to seeing Vanessa and I had finally convinced myself that it was time to talk to Carl the next time I saw him. I never really saw him before at lunchtime, but I knew he'd be there.
I threw my books into my locker and made my way to the lunchroom. As I got closer, I heard hollering and yelling and whistles going. (The Admin's and security all wore whistles to get ppl's attention if a fight was breaking out). Just like the rest of the group, I was curious to see what was going on. I pushed my way into the lunchroom to get a better view and when I did, my mouth just hung open. I couldn't believe it!! One of the security guards had Henry by the back of his shirt and was yelling at him. There was a girl standing just a few feet away in tears while 1 of the admins were trying to calm her down. Quickly the security guard was leading Henry out of the back exit and the admin and the girl were following behind. Gossip was running like crazy but I couldn't figure out what anyone was saying. Frusterated, I walked to found Vanessa to see if she knew.
"OMG! What's going on! Why are they taking Henry away??" I said running up to Vanessa
"I don't know.. I just walked in. But from what I heard.. he put his hand down a girls pants!"
"WHAT?! NO WAY! I don't believe it! Henry wouldn't DO that! He just wouldn't!!" I said frantically. Ok.. so maybe I didn't know Henry all that much. Hell, really.. I had just met him the day before, but I couldn't imagine him doing something like that!
By the time we made it thru the lunch line, the story was being told a thousand times over. After filtering out most of the add-on's of other people, we found out that some girl (the girl crying) had grabbed Henry's wallet as he was walking into the lunch line and refused to give it back. She thought it was funny, I'm guessing trying to flirt with him, but he didn't find it humerous at all. After he pretty much begged her for it, she still wouldn't give it back and proceeded to shove it down the front of her pants telling Henry "You want it so bad.. come and get it", so he did. As soon as he put his hand on the waistband of her jeans, she screamed that he was trying to rip her clothes off. Immediately, the school officals responded, pulling him away from her, and that's when I came into the room.
After hearing that, I was in no mood to talk to Carl. I wanted to be left alone. I had no idea what they were going to do to Henry, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Henry was in trouble and I was afraid for him.
The bell rang ending lunch and it was time to go to another class. As I was walking back towards the main building, I looked over and saw Carl sitting on the picnic benches outside of the lunchroom. Part of me wanted to talk to him, to tell HIM what was going on, but the other part of me just couldn't talk about it. When I saw that he noticed me looking at him, he gave me a weak smile, but I just turned my head and kept walking. I felt bad about not even smiling back, but I wasn't in a smiling mood.
I continued my walk back to my locker to get the books for the remainder of my classes that day, wondering what was going to happen to Henry. Since he was in 8th grade, we didn't have any of the same classes and I wouldn't see him again until the bus ride home to find out anything.
The rest of the day was a blur and I couldn't wait to just get out of there and get home. I wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep the rest of 6th grade away. I wasn't doing good in many of my classes, and just wanted it all to be done and over with.
The final bell rang to dismiss us for the day and I made a beeline to my locker, grabbing the items I would need for homework, then sped to the bus. Vanessa was already on so I sat 2 seats infront of her so that we could still talk until more students got on. Of course, just like every other day, O'Neil boarded and sat next to me.
"Ohh.. saving my seat for me, are you?" He laughed
I just rolled my eyes and turned to the window, still waiting for my saving grace to board. I sat there for almost 20 minutes searching for him and before I knew it, the bus was begining to pull away and Henry was no where to be found.
I slumped back into my seat and closed my eyes, praying O'Neil would just ignore me, but my prayers were not answered.
"Missing your 'loverboy'?" O'Neil asked, but I ignored him. "Well.. you'll be missing him for awhile, he got expelled today"
I turned to O'Neil, praying that his eyes would tell me he was lying, but I saw nothing.
"What!!? He got expelled really? How do you know that for sure?"
"My cousin Cory is in his class, and he told me.. isn't that right Cory?" He asked his cousin, then turned back to me "Now you have no one again" he laughed.
I thought I was going to be sick. I so badly wanted to puke on him. All over him. To see him covered in massive mounds of puke would at least make me smile, but I knew that if I did that, he'd surely hit me. Not that I could blame him for that one. I mean.. I would probably hit someone who purposely puked on me, too. So instead, I retreated back into myself. I closed my eyes once again and sat against the seat.
I was glad I only had 1 more day until we would be on Christmas break and I wouldn't have to deal with him for almost 3 whole weeks. Plus, Christmas was just around the corner, which is my favorite Holiday, then right after that was my birthday. I promised myself that I wasn't going to let this shithead ruin my Christmas OR my Birthday. I vowed to myself that after I stepped off the bus come tomorrow afternoon, I wouldn't think about him or what he does to me for the rest of the break.
I threw my books into my locker and made my way to the lunchroom. As I got closer, I heard hollering and yelling and whistles going. (The Admin's and security all wore whistles to get ppl's attention if a fight was breaking out). Just like the rest of the group, I was curious to see what was going on. I pushed my way into the lunchroom to get a better view and when I did, my mouth just hung open. I couldn't believe it!! One of the security guards had Henry by the back of his shirt and was yelling at him. There was a girl standing just a few feet away in tears while 1 of the admins were trying to calm her down. Quickly the security guard was leading Henry out of the back exit and the admin and the girl were following behind. Gossip was running like crazy but I couldn't figure out what anyone was saying. Frusterated, I walked to found Vanessa to see if she knew.
"OMG! What's going on! Why are they taking Henry away??" I said running up to Vanessa
"I don't know.. I just walked in. But from what I heard.. he put his hand down a girls pants!"
"WHAT?! NO WAY! I don't believe it! Henry wouldn't DO that! He just wouldn't!!" I said frantically. Ok.. so maybe I didn't know Henry all that much. Hell, really.. I had just met him the day before, but I couldn't imagine him doing something like that!
By the time we made it thru the lunch line, the story was being told a thousand times over. After filtering out most of the add-on's of other people, we found out that some girl (the girl crying) had grabbed Henry's wallet as he was walking into the lunch line and refused to give it back. She thought it was funny, I'm guessing trying to flirt with him, but he didn't find it humerous at all. After he pretty much begged her for it, she still wouldn't give it back and proceeded to shove it down the front of her pants telling Henry "You want it so bad.. come and get it", so he did. As soon as he put his hand on the waistband of her jeans, she screamed that he was trying to rip her clothes off. Immediately, the school officals responded, pulling him away from her, and that's when I came into the room.
After hearing that, I was in no mood to talk to Carl. I wanted to be left alone. I had no idea what they were going to do to Henry, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Henry was in trouble and I was afraid for him.
The bell rang ending lunch and it was time to go to another class. As I was walking back towards the main building, I looked over and saw Carl sitting on the picnic benches outside of the lunchroom. Part of me wanted to talk to him, to tell HIM what was going on, but the other part of me just couldn't talk about it. When I saw that he noticed me looking at him, he gave me a weak smile, but I just turned my head and kept walking. I felt bad about not even smiling back, but I wasn't in a smiling mood.
I continued my walk back to my locker to get the books for the remainder of my classes that day, wondering what was going to happen to Henry. Since he was in 8th grade, we didn't have any of the same classes and I wouldn't see him again until the bus ride home to find out anything.
The rest of the day was a blur and I couldn't wait to just get out of there and get home. I wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep the rest of 6th grade away. I wasn't doing good in many of my classes, and just wanted it all to be done and over with.
The final bell rang to dismiss us for the day and I made a beeline to my locker, grabbing the items I would need for homework, then sped to the bus. Vanessa was already on so I sat 2 seats infront of her so that we could still talk until more students got on. Of course, just like every other day, O'Neil boarded and sat next to me.
"Ohh.. saving my seat for me, are you?" He laughed
I just rolled my eyes and turned to the window, still waiting for my saving grace to board. I sat there for almost 20 minutes searching for him and before I knew it, the bus was begining to pull away and Henry was no where to be found.
I slumped back into my seat and closed my eyes, praying O'Neil would just ignore me, but my prayers were not answered.
"Missing your 'loverboy'?" O'Neil asked, but I ignored him. "Well.. you'll be missing him for awhile, he got expelled today"
I turned to O'Neil, praying that his eyes would tell me he was lying, but I saw nothing.
"What!!? He got expelled really? How do you know that for sure?"
"My cousin Cory is in his class, and he told me.. isn't that right Cory?" He asked his cousin, then turned back to me "Now you have no one again" he laughed.
I thought I was going to be sick. I so badly wanted to puke on him. All over him. To see him covered in massive mounds of puke would at least make me smile, but I knew that if I did that, he'd surely hit me. Not that I could blame him for that one. I mean.. I would probably hit someone who purposely puked on me, too. So instead, I retreated back into myself. I closed my eyes once again and sat against the seat.
I was glad I only had 1 more day until we would be on Christmas break and I wouldn't have to deal with him for almost 3 whole weeks. Plus, Christmas was just around the corner, which is my favorite Holiday, then right after that was my birthday. I promised myself that I wasn't going to let this shithead ruin my Christmas OR my Birthday. I vowed to myself that after I stepped off the bus come tomorrow afternoon, I wouldn't think about him or what he does to me for the rest of the break.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Sometimes you hurt the ones you love
The next morning came quicker than I wanted. Before I knew it, my alarm was going off and I was fighting with my brother to hurry up in the bathroom so I could take my shower too. Luckily, he left way before I did, so I didn't have to wait very long. During the night, I had decided what I had to do. Since it was obvious the VP of the school didn't believe me, and was OBVIOUSLY not going to help me any... I had to just deal with it on my own.
I quickly showered, dressed and ran out the door to get to Vanessa's house. I wanted to talk to her before the bus arrived and convince her of my plan. As we walked from her house to the bus, I finally decided to bust right out with it.
"Hey, Vanessa.. Don't sit with me anymore on the bus.. O.K.?" I said as I looked down at my feet
"What? Why? If I don't, you know O'Neil is going to sit there and do God knows what to you!!"
"Come ON Vanessa! He does it to me anyway!! No matter WHERE you sit! It's just better if you didn't sit with me. At least 1 of us won't get hurt" I argued back.
She stopped and grabbed my arm to turn me to her "No J, I won't just give in to him!"
"YOU'RE not giving in to ANYTHING! This has nothing to do with you!" I screamed at her and started to march away. I was mad. I knew she was only fighting me because she thought she could protect me... but she couldn't! Why couldn't she see that! I stopped and turned back to her...
"Look Vanessa, He's only going to hurt you because of me. If I can't stop him from hurting me, then at least I can stop him from hurting YOU! Don't fight me on this! I've made up my mind!" and I turned back around and continued to walk to the bus stop, with her walking 4 ft. behind me. I knew I had hurt her feelings, and I felt bad about it, but it seemed like the only way. Sometimes the only way to get thru to Vanessa was to yell at her... now I kind of understoond why her Dad yelled all the time.
She finally caught up with me at the bus stop, but kept her distance and I was glad. I was still fuming but I knew that if she talked to me right then, I'd break down. I'd cry because I had hurt my friend and I'd cry because I was afraid. I just kept my back towards her, avoiding all eye contact. I didn't want to cry anymore. My face still hurt and I didn't want it to sting my face again.
Within 15 minutes the bus arrived and I climbed in. I went and sat at my normal seat, but instead of sitting by the window, I threw my bag there and sat nearest the isle that way she would have no space to sit down if she tried to.
There were 3 other bus stops on the way to his and at each 1 I creened my neck to see if Henry was getting on. The closer we got to O'Neils stop, the more nervous I got. Where WAS Henry?? How come he hasn't gotten on? I didn't realize until then that I never even asked him what stop was his. Then we arrived at O'Neils stop and I was doing everything I could to not hyperventilate. I stayed staring out the window, not wanting to acknowledge the beast that was boarding the bus. Unfortunately, he found me anyway.
A cocky stroll, a baritone voice and he was standing next to me.
"Move" he snarled
I got up to move to another seat completely thinking I'd be slick and outsmart him, but he grabbed me by the back of my shirt as I tried to walk away.
"You know what I meant, Bitch" I could hear the laughter from his friends behind me
I quickly sat back down and moved over towards the window.
"No one to protect you now, is there" he laughed
I didn't know if it was the lack of food on my stomach or him that was making my head spin and the uneasiness to build in my stomach.. I figured it was him.
The bus continued to chug forward and made another stop. Why are we stopping? We aren't at school yet!
I looked out the window and realized the bus was stopped infront of another subdivision. We had never stopped there before and I couldn't find out why we were stopping now.
"We have a new stop on our route, everyone be nice to the new people" The bus driver said answering my own thoughts.
And there.. as I was looking out my window I saw him. The same tall, thin spanish boy standing at the curb. Though I didn't find him attractive in a romantic way, I almost cried at the sight of him. I was elated that he was finally there. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, he was my saving grace. Henry boarded the bus and searched for a seat. Unfortunately, by the time we got to his stop, the bus was completely full and the only seat available was right up front and directly behind the driver. To me... it felt like worlds away. He looked over at me, gave me a wink and sat down. But he didn't face front, he had turned sideways in his seat so that we could still look at eachother.
"Fucking spic!" I heard O'Neil say under his breath while his friends around us snickered.
I just sat back against the seat with my eyes closed and sighed. O'Neil kept his back towards me the whole way and chatted with his friends. This was the most peaceful ride to school since the 1st day when my mom dropped me off. I knew that since the day was starting to improve, the rest of the day should too. Once we arrived at school, I waited for Vanessa because I really wanted to talk to her and clear the air.
"Hey" I said, as she climbed down the stairs of the bus
"Hi"
"I just want to say.. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but honestly, I can't put you in that position anymore. It isn't fair."
"You ever think that maybe I WANT to help you, J? You ever think that I feel like I'm not being a good friend if I just stepped back and LET him do things to you?" she looked at me with a wild look in her eye. I knew she meant it, I knew how she felt. She felt the same way I was feeling, I just wanted to protect her... as she just wanted to try to protect me too.
"Vanessa.. I really do appreciate that. I honestly do.. but I just can't. I can't sit there and let him hurt you, knowing it's MY fault!"
"J! Are you even LISTENING TO ME!!? I CAN'T SIT THERE AND WATCH HIM HURT YOU EITHER!"
I nodded and we began walking to homeroom. Neither of us saying a word. We started to part at the hallway.. we didn't have homeroom together.
"Vanessa, I understand. But PLEASE! I'm begging you.. just.. just.. I don't know.. just keep your distance from me on the bus, please. At least for right now. I mean.. look how O'Neil acted once Henry got on the bus. He doesn't give a damn what you or I say to him. He only seems to react to Henry. As long as Henry's on the bus, I think I'll be fine"
She nodded and walked away. I knew what the nod meant. Without her saying it, I knew. We had been friends for far too long. The nod she gave me simply meant, "Fine.. for now. I'm only nodding yes so you'll shut up"
I sighed heavily as I watched her walk away. I knew this wasn't going to be the end of the conversation, but I wasn't going to bring it up again any time soon.
I quickly showered, dressed and ran out the door to get to Vanessa's house. I wanted to talk to her before the bus arrived and convince her of my plan. As we walked from her house to the bus, I finally decided to bust right out with it.
"Hey, Vanessa.. Don't sit with me anymore on the bus.. O.K.?" I said as I looked down at my feet
"What? Why? If I don't, you know O'Neil is going to sit there and do God knows what to you!!"
"Come ON Vanessa! He does it to me anyway!! No matter WHERE you sit! It's just better if you didn't sit with me. At least 1 of us won't get hurt" I argued back.
She stopped and grabbed my arm to turn me to her "No J, I won't just give in to him!"
"YOU'RE not giving in to ANYTHING! This has nothing to do with you!" I screamed at her and started to march away. I was mad. I knew she was only fighting me because she thought she could protect me... but she couldn't! Why couldn't she see that! I stopped and turned back to her...
"Look Vanessa, He's only going to hurt you because of me. If I can't stop him from hurting me, then at least I can stop him from hurting YOU! Don't fight me on this! I've made up my mind!" and I turned back around and continued to walk to the bus stop, with her walking 4 ft. behind me. I knew I had hurt her feelings, and I felt bad about it, but it seemed like the only way. Sometimes the only way to get thru to Vanessa was to yell at her... now I kind of understoond why her Dad yelled all the time.
She finally caught up with me at the bus stop, but kept her distance and I was glad. I was still fuming but I knew that if she talked to me right then, I'd break down. I'd cry because I had hurt my friend and I'd cry because I was afraid. I just kept my back towards her, avoiding all eye contact. I didn't want to cry anymore. My face still hurt and I didn't want it to sting my face again.
Within 15 minutes the bus arrived and I climbed in. I went and sat at my normal seat, but instead of sitting by the window, I threw my bag there and sat nearest the isle that way she would have no space to sit down if she tried to.
There were 3 other bus stops on the way to his and at each 1 I creened my neck to see if Henry was getting on. The closer we got to O'Neils stop, the more nervous I got. Where WAS Henry?? How come he hasn't gotten on? I didn't realize until then that I never even asked him what stop was his. Then we arrived at O'Neils stop and I was doing everything I could to not hyperventilate. I stayed staring out the window, not wanting to acknowledge the beast that was boarding the bus. Unfortunately, he found me anyway.
A cocky stroll, a baritone voice and he was standing next to me.
"Move" he snarled
I got up to move to another seat completely thinking I'd be slick and outsmart him, but he grabbed me by the back of my shirt as I tried to walk away.
"You know what I meant, Bitch" I could hear the laughter from his friends behind me
I quickly sat back down and moved over towards the window.
"No one to protect you now, is there" he laughed
I didn't know if it was the lack of food on my stomach or him that was making my head spin and the uneasiness to build in my stomach.. I figured it was him.
The bus continued to chug forward and made another stop. Why are we stopping? We aren't at school yet!
I looked out the window and realized the bus was stopped infront of another subdivision. We had never stopped there before and I couldn't find out why we were stopping now.
"We have a new stop on our route, everyone be nice to the new people" The bus driver said answering my own thoughts.
And there.. as I was looking out my window I saw him. The same tall, thin spanish boy standing at the curb. Though I didn't find him attractive in a romantic way, I almost cried at the sight of him. I was elated that he was finally there. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, he was my saving grace. Henry boarded the bus and searched for a seat. Unfortunately, by the time we got to his stop, the bus was completely full and the only seat available was right up front and directly behind the driver. To me... it felt like worlds away. He looked over at me, gave me a wink and sat down. But he didn't face front, he had turned sideways in his seat so that we could still look at eachother.
"Fucking spic!" I heard O'Neil say under his breath while his friends around us snickered.
I just sat back against the seat with my eyes closed and sighed. O'Neil kept his back towards me the whole way and chatted with his friends. This was the most peaceful ride to school since the 1st day when my mom dropped me off. I knew that since the day was starting to improve, the rest of the day should too. Once we arrived at school, I waited for Vanessa because I really wanted to talk to her and clear the air.
"Hey" I said, as she climbed down the stairs of the bus
"Hi"
"I just want to say.. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but honestly, I can't put you in that position anymore. It isn't fair."
"You ever think that maybe I WANT to help you, J? You ever think that I feel like I'm not being a good friend if I just stepped back and LET him do things to you?" she looked at me with a wild look in her eye. I knew she meant it, I knew how she felt. She felt the same way I was feeling, I just wanted to protect her... as she just wanted to try to protect me too.
"Vanessa.. I really do appreciate that. I honestly do.. but I just can't. I can't sit there and let him hurt you, knowing it's MY fault!"
"J! Are you even LISTENING TO ME!!? I CAN'T SIT THERE AND WATCH HIM HURT YOU EITHER!"
I nodded and we began walking to homeroom. Neither of us saying a word. We started to part at the hallway.. we didn't have homeroom together.
"Vanessa, I understand. But PLEASE! I'm begging you.. just.. just.. I don't know.. just keep your distance from me on the bus, please. At least for right now. I mean.. look how O'Neil acted once Henry got on the bus. He doesn't give a damn what you or I say to him. He only seems to react to Henry. As long as Henry's on the bus, I think I'll be fine"
She nodded and walked away. I knew what the nod meant. Without her saying it, I knew. We had been friends for far too long. The nod she gave me simply meant, "Fine.. for now. I'm only nodding yes so you'll shut up"
I sighed heavily as I watched her walk away. I knew this wasn't going to be the end of the conversation, but I wasn't going to bring it up again any time soon.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The First Time Is Always the Hardest
Just like any other given day, I walked to the waiting bus with Vanessa to start our trip home. Something in the pit of my stomach kept telling me it was going to be bad, but I didn't listen. I pushed it aside as we climbed the steps to get on and found my seat. Vanessa sat next to me, both of us hoping that she would stay there the entire trip home and maybe we both would be O.K.
A few minutes later we heard him coming. He was loud and obnoxious making his way through the crowd and it sounded like he wasn't angry for us telling on him. Again, we were very wrong. The closer he got to the bus, the more terrified Vanessa and I became. I saw the top of his head as he climbed into the bus and grabbed onto Vanessa's hand as tight as I could. We looked at each other, then closed our eyes. We didn't want to look at him.
"MOVE BITCH!" His voice rang out infront of us. He was yelling at Vanessa, only inches away from her face. Both of our eyes flew open and we froze, not knowing what to do.
"I SAID MOVE BITCH! OR I'LL THROW YOU OUT!" he demanded.
Vanessa gave me a quick glance, I nodded and with my eyes told her it was O.K. I didn't want her to get hurt. Better only 1 of us do, than both of us. Plus, I felt like it was my fault. If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be in the situation anyway. Vanessa quickly moved from the seat and O'Neil sat down in her spot. He turned to me, giving me a look that scared me to death. I knew he'd be mad when the VP talked to him, but I didn't think he'd be in any real trouble since it was obvious she didn't believe me or at least didn't think I was an unwilling participant. Plus, he was on the bus, so he obviously didn't get in any trouble.
He didn't say anything to me until the bus was moving to start the route home.
"So you wanna tell the VP that I'm harrassing you, huh? Did you really think that would make me stop? I told her you started it! She doesn't believe you for shit now!" He says, laughing at the end.
I didn't say anything, I just kept my head down. I didn't want to make him any more upset b/c I didn't know what to expect now and even if he DID do something.. who was I going to tell now?
His friends were sitting around us, asking him "why you gonna take that shit from her?", "she's just a stupid white bitch, set her straight".
Other things were being said, but I just closed my eyes and tried to block them out. All I could think of was getting home until something interupted my thoughts.
"I SAID DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU'D GET AWAY WITH IT?? DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME, BITCH!"
I cringed at the sound of his voice but before I even had a chance to say anything back, my face was stinging. He hit me! He actually HIT ME! He slapped me across the face while screaming at me "ANSWER ME BITCH!"
I stammered over my words, I didn't know what to say. I knew that no matter WHAT I said it wasn't going to be the right thing. I didn't want to give him any more ammo so I just shook my head no and hung my head. My shoulders were slumped over, head down and eyes squeezed shut. I just wanted to disappear. Maybe I should have kept my eyes open that way I could have seen what was coming next, but I didn't.
He was shaking me now. Hard. So hard my teeth were rattling. He had turned me around to face him so that him and his friends could see the fear in my face as he shook me.
"Hit her again! I think she might cry!" A voice rang out
"Damn man.. she's just flat out ignoring you. Makin' you look like a punk" Said another
SLAP! SLAP! Was what I felt next. Both sides of my face were in fire and the hot tears running down my face seemed to make it burn even more. I was being shaken like a rag doll and slapped around. I looked up towards the front of the bus to see if the bus driver was looking, but he wasn't. He eyes were glued to the road but the other kids on the bus had now all turned to watch me. There was some laughing (a lot from his friends) some what sounded like a nervous laugh as if to say "damn.. I'm glad that isn't me", while others just watched.
Then a voice I didn't recognize said "leave her alone". It was a quiet voice, not yelling, but speaking low. I don't know how I heard it over the roar of the others, but I heard it. I didn't know from what direction it came from so I searched the crowd as best as I could.
"I said leave her alone!" The voice came again. This time, a tall thin spanish guy stood up from the back of the bus and started walking towards us. I think O'Neil was in shock that someone actually stood up to him b/c he stopped shaking me, but didn't let me go.
I looked up and saw this small framed spanish boy standing in front of me with sad eyes. I didn't know if they were sad b/c of what he was seeing, or if they always looked like that since I had never noticed him before. He put his hand on O'Neil's forearm and said "Let her go". Suprisingly, O'Neil did. By this time, the bus driver was yelling at us to sit down. The spanish boy grabbed my hand and brought me back to his seat with him.
"What's your name?" He asked as we sat
"J" I whispered barely loud enough for anyone to hear.
"Hey, J. I'm Henry"
I still had my head down, I didn't want to look at anyone. My face was still on fire and I knew it was blood red. How am I going to get off this bus now?
I closed my eyes and started to massage my cheeks wishing the stinging would go away. I could still feel the tears running down my face and with each line it caused it felt like someone was pouring acid on my skin. The pain made me cry even more. I let out a big sigh and leaned back in the seat. Henry nudded me and when I opened my eyes to see why, he was holding a napkin for me to use. I gave a weak smile as a thank you and took it gratefully. We sat in silence for the rest of the ride and as we approached my stop, I got butterflies in my stomach again. I was dreading the long walk down the bus isle to get off. I had no idea what was going to happen.
The bus pulled up at my stop a few minutes later and after a big sigh, I grabbed my bag and stood up. Henry got out of the seat to let me pass but before I did, he put his hand on my shoulder and said "I'll see you in the morning." Just that little phrase make me think I could endure whatever was to come. I now had a protector.
Keeping my head down I walked the length of the isle. I saw the entry to the bus and was relieved that I was about to make it out of there without any incident.
The next thing I knew, I was falling face first down the bus steps and landing on the cement. The bus emitted with laughter as I rolled into a sitting position and looked up. There was O'Neil, sitting at the very front seat smiling down at me. His friends were hooting and hollering, acting as if it was the funniest thing they ever saw. The bus driver whipped around towards them wanting to know what happened.
"Oh man! She just tripped down the stairs" O'Neil said to him. The bus driver looked at me as I was trying to stand up though he didn't ask if I was O.K. I guess he assumed that since I was able to stand up on my own, I must be fine. He slammed the doors shut and road away. Vanessa was trying to help me with my bag and I turned to look at the bus again to see O'Neil sticking his head out the window laughing.
How is it that the system has failed me? Why doesn't the bus driver give a damn? Why didn't he even ask if I was O.K.? I thought to myself.
Vanessa and I walked to her house in silence. As soon as we made it to her front door I quickly ran to the bathroom to see what I looked like. I had a scrape down the right cheek from where I slid on the cement and my left cheek was still blood red from the slaps. Vanessa came in shortly afterwards and tried to help me clean my face up. As we worked, we both thought of things to say to each of our parents of why I looked the way I did.
We decided to just tell them the 1/2 truth. I tripped walking off the bus and fell. That's how I got the scrapes. I knew my parents would believe it b/c I was fortunate enough to get my Mother's coordination. She was always tripping over things and when she was younger, she always had bruises and scrapes from being clumsy. Though I had everything rehearsed in my head of what I was going to tell them, I was still scared they wouldn't believe me.
I stayed at Vanessa's house as long as I could that day. Surprisingly, her Dad pretty much left us alone except to ask how long I was staying for or if I was going to be there for dinner.
6:00 came and I knew I had to get home. Slowly, I grabbed my things and walked out of her house. I kept rehearsing over and over in my head what I was going to say. I reached my front door within a few minutes and walked inside.
"OH MY GOD! What happened to you, J??" My mother exclaimed
"I tripped getting off the bus and landed face first on the ground" I wouldn't make eye contact with her as I said this. She could always tell when I was lying.
"We need to clean it up"
"I already did at Vanessa's house. I think it will be O.K., it just stings bad"
"No.. no.. come in my bathroom and we'll put some ointment on it"
I followerd her into her bathroom and sat on the toilet. She rummaged through her cabinets for what seemed like an hour and pulled out a tube of triple anti-biotic cream. I winced in pain as she applied and when she was through, she told me dinner was ready to get washed up.
"I'm not hungry Mom. I ate something late at Vanessa's. I think I'm just gonna go in my room and lay down"
She didn't fight me on it but I could feel her watching me as I walked away.
I plopped on my bed, turned on my T.V. and started dreading the next day's bus ride. Even though I knew Henry was going to be there, I still was afraid of what might and could happen.
I didn't know then that the 1st time I was ever hit was going to be the hardest. Strange how you seem to get used to something (even bad things) and when they continue, it doesn't seem to hurt as much as the first.
A few minutes later we heard him coming. He was loud and obnoxious making his way through the crowd and it sounded like he wasn't angry for us telling on him. Again, we were very wrong. The closer he got to the bus, the more terrified Vanessa and I became. I saw the top of his head as he climbed into the bus and grabbed onto Vanessa's hand as tight as I could. We looked at each other, then closed our eyes. We didn't want to look at him.
"MOVE BITCH!" His voice rang out infront of us. He was yelling at Vanessa, only inches away from her face. Both of our eyes flew open and we froze, not knowing what to do.
"I SAID MOVE BITCH! OR I'LL THROW YOU OUT!" he demanded.
Vanessa gave me a quick glance, I nodded and with my eyes told her it was O.K. I didn't want her to get hurt. Better only 1 of us do, than both of us. Plus, I felt like it was my fault. If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be in the situation anyway. Vanessa quickly moved from the seat and O'Neil sat down in her spot. He turned to me, giving me a look that scared me to death. I knew he'd be mad when the VP talked to him, but I didn't think he'd be in any real trouble since it was obvious she didn't believe me or at least didn't think I was an unwilling participant. Plus, he was on the bus, so he obviously didn't get in any trouble.
He didn't say anything to me until the bus was moving to start the route home.
"So you wanna tell the VP that I'm harrassing you, huh? Did you really think that would make me stop? I told her you started it! She doesn't believe you for shit now!" He says, laughing at the end.
I didn't say anything, I just kept my head down. I didn't want to make him any more upset b/c I didn't know what to expect now and even if he DID do something.. who was I going to tell now?
His friends were sitting around us, asking him "why you gonna take that shit from her?", "she's just a stupid white bitch, set her straight".
Other things were being said, but I just closed my eyes and tried to block them out. All I could think of was getting home until something interupted my thoughts.
"I SAID DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU'D GET AWAY WITH IT?? DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME, BITCH!"
I cringed at the sound of his voice but before I even had a chance to say anything back, my face was stinging. He hit me! He actually HIT ME! He slapped me across the face while screaming at me "ANSWER ME BITCH!"
I stammered over my words, I didn't know what to say. I knew that no matter WHAT I said it wasn't going to be the right thing. I didn't want to give him any more ammo so I just shook my head no and hung my head. My shoulders were slumped over, head down and eyes squeezed shut. I just wanted to disappear. Maybe I should have kept my eyes open that way I could have seen what was coming next, but I didn't.
He was shaking me now. Hard. So hard my teeth were rattling. He had turned me around to face him so that him and his friends could see the fear in my face as he shook me.
"Hit her again! I think she might cry!" A voice rang out
"Damn man.. she's just flat out ignoring you. Makin' you look like a punk" Said another
SLAP! SLAP! Was what I felt next. Both sides of my face were in fire and the hot tears running down my face seemed to make it burn even more. I was being shaken like a rag doll and slapped around. I looked up towards the front of the bus to see if the bus driver was looking, but he wasn't. He eyes were glued to the road but the other kids on the bus had now all turned to watch me. There was some laughing (a lot from his friends) some what sounded like a nervous laugh as if to say "damn.. I'm glad that isn't me", while others just watched.
Then a voice I didn't recognize said "leave her alone". It was a quiet voice, not yelling, but speaking low. I don't know how I heard it over the roar of the others, but I heard it. I didn't know from what direction it came from so I searched the crowd as best as I could.
"I said leave her alone!" The voice came again. This time, a tall thin spanish guy stood up from the back of the bus and started walking towards us. I think O'Neil was in shock that someone actually stood up to him b/c he stopped shaking me, but didn't let me go.
I looked up and saw this small framed spanish boy standing in front of me with sad eyes. I didn't know if they were sad b/c of what he was seeing, or if they always looked like that since I had never noticed him before. He put his hand on O'Neil's forearm and said "Let her go". Suprisingly, O'Neil did. By this time, the bus driver was yelling at us to sit down. The spanish boy grabbed my hand and brought me back to his seat with him.
"What's your name?" He asked as we sat
"J" I whispered barely loud enough for anyone to hear.
"Hey, J. I'm Henry"
I still had my head down, I didn't want to look at anyone. My face was still on fire and I knew it was blood red. How am I going to get off this bus now?
I closed my eyes and started to massage my cheeks wishing the stinging would go away. I could still feel the tears running down my face and with each line it caused it felt like someone was pouring acid on my skin. The pain made me cry even more. I let out a big sigh and leaned back in the seat. Henry nudded me and when I opened my eyes to see why, he was holding a napkin for me to use. I gave a weak smile as a thank you and took it gratefully. We sat in silence for the rest of the ride and as we approached my stop, I got butterflies in my stomach again. I was dreading the long walk down the bus isle to get off. I had no idea what was going to happen.
The bus pulled up at my stop a few minutes later and after a big sigh, I grabbed my bag and stood up. Henry got out of the seat to let me pass but before I did, he put his hand on my shoulder and said "I'll see you in the morning." Just that little phrase make me think I could endure whatever was to come. I now had a protector.
Keeping my head down I walked the length of the isle. I saw the entry to the bus and was relieved that I was about to make it out of there without any incident.
The next thing I knew, I was falling face first down the bus steps and landing on the cement. The bus emitted with laughter as I rolled into a sitting position and looked up. There was O'Neil, sitting at the very front seat smiling down at me. His friends were hooting and hollering, acting as if it was the funniest thing they ever saw. The bus driver whipped around towards them wanting to know what happened.
"Oh man! She just tripped down the stairs" O'Neil said to him. The bus driver looked at me as I was trying to stand up though he didn't ask if I was O.K. I guess he assumed that since I was able to stand up on my own, I must be fine. He slammed the doors shut and road away. Vanessa was trying to help me with my bag and I turned to look at the bus again to see O'Neil sticking his head out the window laughing.
How is it that the system has failed me? Why doesn't the bus driver give a damn? Why didn't he even ask if I was O.K.? I thought to myself.
Vanessa and I walked to her house in silence. As soon as we made it to her front door I quickly ran to the bathroom to see what I looked like. I had a scrape down the right cheek from where I slid on the cement and my left cheek was still blood red from the slaps. Vanessa came in shortly afterwards and tried to help me clean my face up. As we worked, we both thought of things to say to each of our parents of why I looked the way I did.
We decided to just tell them the 1/2 truth. I tripped walking off the bus and fell. That's how I got the scrapes. I knew my parents would believe it b/c I was fortunate enough to get my Mother's coordination. She was always tripping over things and when she was younger, she always had bruises and scrapes from being clumsy. Though I had everything rehearsed in my head of what I was going to tell them, I was still scared they wouldn't believe me.
I stayed at Vanessa's house as long as I could that day. Surprisingly, her Dad pretty much left us alone except to ask how long I was staying for or if I was going to be there for dinner.
6:00 came and I knew I had to get home. Slowly, I grabbed my things and walked out of her house. I kept rehearsing over and over in my head what I was going to say. I reached my front door within a few minutes and walked inside.
"OH MY GOD! What happened to you, J??" My mother exclaimed
"I tripped getting off the bus and landed face first on the ground" I wouldn't make eye contact with her as I said this. She could always tell when I was lying.
"We need to clean it up"
"I already did at Vanessa's house. I think it will be O.K., it just stings bad"
"No.. no.. come in my bathroom and we'll put some ointment on it"
I followerd her into her bathroom and sat on the toilet. She rummaged through her cabinets for what seemed like an hour and pulled out a tube of triple anti-biotic cream. I winced in pain as she applied and when she was through, she told me dinner was ready to get washed up.
"I'm not hungry Mom. I ate something late at Vanessa's. I think I'm just gonna go in my room and lay down"
She didn't fight me on it but I could feel her watching me as I walked away.
I plopped on my bed, turned on my T.V. and started dreading the next day's bus ride. Even though I knew Henry was going to be there, I still was afraid of what might and could happen.
I didn't know then that the 1st time I was ever hit was going to be the hardest. Strange how you seem to get used to something (even bad things) and when they continue, it doesn't seem to hurt as much as the first.
A horrible ride
Not so slowly did O'Neil's affection for me grow. Instead of boarding the bus and sitting somewhere near me, he had decided that he wanted to sit WITH me. In the same seat! Problem there was that Vanessa was already my seat mate, but that didn't seem to phase him any. He would approach us with a mencing stare and proceed to eject Vanessa from her seat. I always sat at the window, so she was closest to the isle. I'd feel bad for her, she was tossed around like a feather. But my sympathy for her didn't last long. It was me I was begining to feel sorry for.
Here I was, only 11 years old and being strong-armed by a young man who was triple my size in every way. He terrified me. He would try to show his affection by smacking me on the ass when I'd walk off the bus. He would grab my chest at his leisure since I was only an arms length away on the seat. I soon began standing with my back against the window and my book bag hung in front of me trying to block his wondering hands. Even though my young 11 year old brain tried to think of everything imaginable to guard my body, it never worked. He was progessing, and not at a slow pace.
Christmas break couldn't come fast enough. Having almost 3 whole weeks away from my horrible bus ride to and from school was all I could think of. 3 days before the break I hit what I thought was my breaking point. I could no longer deal with the fear of the bus ride. Wondering what he was going to do to me that day. I finally conjured enough courage to tell someone.
As soon as the bus dropped us off at school that morning, I grabbed Vanessa and begged her to come with me to tell the Vice Principle. I wanted someone to back up my story, but also, I needed the emotional support greatly.
We walked into the front office side by side. It took all I had not to break down in tears as I told the receptionist that I needed to talk Mrs. Lungstun. She instructed us to take a seat and that the VP would be with us shortly. About 10 minutes later Mrs. Lungstun walked in and asked us to follow her to her office and take a seat.
"What can I do for you ladys this morning?" She asked
"I...uh.. umm.. I have a problem.." I stammered
"O.K., I'll try to help. What's the problem?"
I figited with the straps of my bag, unable to meet her eye. I was embarressed and sad. I couldn't even speak the words.
"There's this boy.. umm.. on the bus.. he.. umm.. well...he's bothering me"
"Hmm.. O.K. Bothering you how exactly?" She asks as she folds her hands on the desk.
"Well..umm.. well.. when he gets on the bus.. he.. well.. he pushes Vanessa off the seat so he can sit with me. I don't ask him to, and I don't want him to but he won't stop"
"So.. Vanessa.. is this true? Does he push you?"
Vanessa can't meet Mrs. Lungstun's eyes either. She looks down, then at me, then back down again. "Yes, ma'am. He does push me"
"O.K., well tell me this boy's name and I'll have a talk with him" She says almost dismissively.
Vanessa and I stay seated, there's more we want to say but don't know how to say it. I take a deep breath and hold it. I look up and she's staring at us, waiting for our answer.
"Umm.. there's more. He.. well.. he also touches me" I stammer
"What do you mean he touches you? How does he touch you?"
"Well, he'll smack my butt when I walk down the isle to get off the bus. And umm.. he'll also grab my.. he'll touch.. umm.. he grabs me here!" I say as I point to my chest.
She leans back in her chair and takes in what I've just said. "Vanessa, have you seen this boy do that to her?"
"Yes, ma'am, I have"
"And what is happening when he does this?"
Vanessa sits and thinks for a moment "What do you mean what is happening when he does this?"
"I mean.. what did she do to make him do this? Did she ask him to do it? Was she touching him 1st? And what does she do after he does these things?"
My mouth flung open. What did she just say to Vanessa?
Did she seriously just ask her if I ASKED to be fondled? OH MY GOD!! Why would she even ask that? Why would I be sitting here complaining about it if I asked for it???
I just sat there in astonishment. I couldn't believe what she was insinuating.
"Vanessa? Please answer me" she asked, as she leaned back over her desk towards us.
"No, she doesn't ask him to touch her. He just does it. He does it after he pushes me out of the seat. She doesn't do anything. She turns her back on him to try to ignore him, I guess."
Mrs. Lungstun turns towards me "So you turn your back on him? You show him your backside, even though that is what you know he's going to grab? Don't you think that is like offering him to do it? Giving him the green light to go ahead?"
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!! Is she really asking me that?
I had thought I recovered from the 1st crack she made at me while sitting there, but this just blew me away! How could she even think I would ask for this? Why isn't she believing me when I say I didn't do anything to make him do this?
I couldn't answer her. I just stared down at my hands. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe this was going so horribly wrong.
"Answer my question, J. If you didn't want him touching your backside, why would you turn and put it right out there for him?"
"I thought that if I wasn't looking at him, if I was acting like I was ignoring him, he'd leave me alone"
"So you never actually TOLD him to stop, then?"
"No, ma'am. I guess I never did"
"Well, I guess your lesson today is, he doesn't know you don't like it, if you haven't told him so. I will be speaking to this boy as soon as you leave my office to get his side of the story. My advice to you is, tell him no, don't making touching you so easily, and maybe stop wearing those short skirts all the girls like you like to wear to school. Maybe it's the way you're dressing that makes him think you are willing"
I couldn't believe my ears. This woman was actually telling me it was MY fault???
"Thank you Mrs. Lungstun. We have to get to class" I mumbled as I grabbed Vanessa by the sleeve and bolted from the office. I cried all the way to homeroom. I was heartbroken. I couldn't believe the Vice Principle was honestly acting like any of this was my fault. I didn't think my day could get any worse.
I realized I was mistaken when I boarded the bus that afternoon.
Here I was, only 11 years old and being strong-armed by a young man who was triple my size in every way. He terrified me. He would try to show his affection by smacking me on the ass when I'd walk off the bus. He would grab my chest at his leisure since I was only an arms length away on the seat. I soon began standing with my back against the window and my book bag hung in front of me trying to block his wondering hands. Even though my young 11 year old brain tried to think of everything imaginable to guard my body, it never worked. He was progessing, and not at a slow pace.
Christmas break couldn't come fast enough. Having almost 3 whole weeks away from my horrible bus ride to and from school was all I could think of. 3 days before the break I hit what I thought was my breaking point. I could no longer deal with the fear of the bus ride. Wondering what he was going to do to me that day. I finally conjured enough courage to tell someone.
As soon as the bus dropped us off at school that morning, I grabbed Vanessa and begged her to come with me to tell the Vice Principle. I wanted someone to back up my story, but also, I needed the emotional support greatly.
We walked into the front office side by side. It took all I had not to break down in tears as I told the receptionist that I needed to talk Mrs. Lungstun. She instructed us to take a seat and that the VP would be with us shortly. About 10 minutes later Mrs. Lungstun walked in and asked us to follow her to her office and take a seat.
"What can I do for you ladys this morning?" She asked
"I...uh.. umm.. I have a problem.." I stammered
"O.K., I'll try to help. What's the problem?"
I figited with the straps of my bag, unable to meet her eye. I was embarressed and sad. I couldn't even speak the words.
"There's this boy.. umm.. on the bus.. he.. umm.. well...he's bothering me"
"Hmm.. O.K. Bothering you how exactly?" She asks as she folds her hands on the desk.
"Well..umm.. well.. when he gets on the bus.. he.. well.. he pushes Vanessa off the seat so he can sit with me. I don't ask him to, and I don't want him to but he won't stop"
"So.. Vanessa.. is this true? Does he push you?"
Vanessa can't meet Mrs. Lungstun's eyes either. She looks down, then at me, then back down again. "Yes, ma'am. He does push me"
"O.K., well tell me this boy's name and I'll have a talk with him" She says almost dismissively.
Vanessa and I stay seated, there's more we want to say but don't know how to say it. I take a deep breath and hold it. I look up and she's staring at us, waiting for our answer.
"Umm.. there's more. He.. well.. he also touches me" I stammer
"What do you mean he touches you? How does he touch you?"
"Well, he'll smack my butt when I walk down the isle to get off the bus. And umm.. he'll also grab my.. he'll touch.. umm.. he grabs me here!" I say as I point to my chest.
She leans back in her chair and takes in what I've just said. "Vanessa, have you seen this boy do that to her?"
"Yes, ma'am, I have"
"And what is happening when he does this?"
Vanessa sits and thinks for a moment "What do you mean what is happening when he does this?"
"I mean.. what did she do to make him do this? Did she ask him to do it? Was she touching him 1st? And what does she do after he does these things?"
My mouth flung open. What did she just say to Vanessa?
Did she seriously just ask her if I ASKED to be fondled? OH MY GOD!! Why would she even ask that? Why would I be sitting here complaining about it if I asked for it???
I just sat there in astonishment. I couldn't believe what she was insinuating.
"Vanessa? Please answer me" she asked, as she leaned back over her desk towards us.
"No, she doesn't ask him to touch her. He just does it. He does it after he pushes me out of the seat. She doesn't do anything. She turns her back on him to try to ignore him, I guess."
Mrs. Lungstun turns towards me "So you turn your back on him? You show him your backside, even though that is what you know he's going to grab? Don't you think that is like offering him to do it? Giving him the green light to go ahead?"
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!! Is she really asking me that?
I had thought I recovered from the 1st crack she made at me while sitting there, but this just blew me away! How could she even think I would ask for this? Why isn't she believing me when I say I didn't do anything to make him do this?
I couldn't answer her. I just stared down at my hands. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe this was going so horribly wrong.
"Answer my question, J. If you didn't want him touching your backside, why would you turn and put it right out there for him?"
"I thought that if I wasn't looking at him, if I was acting like I was ignoring him, he'd leave me alone"
"So you never actually TOLD him to stop, then?"
"No, ma'am. I guess I never did"
"Well, I guess your lesson today is, he doesn't know you don't like it, if you haven't told him so. I will be speaking to this boy as soon as you leave my office to get his side of the story. My advice to you is, tell him no, don't making touching you so easily, and maybe stop wearing those short skirts all the girls like you like to wear to school. Maybe it's the way you're dressing that makes him think you are willing"
I couldn't believe my ears. This woman was actually telling me it was MY fault???
"Thank you Mrs. Lungstun. We have to get to class" I mumbled as I grabbed Vanessa by the sleeve and bolted from the office. I cried all the way to homeroom. I was heartbroken. I couldn't believe the Vice Principle was honestly acting like any of this was my fault. I didn't think my day could get any worse.
I realized I was mistaken when I boarded the bus that afternoon.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Trip and a few words
Ok, so.. I'm back from my little trip out of town. We got back last night (Sunday), and I'm so happy to be back. I missed my own bed.
We left Florida Wednesday morning about 3am to drive to Alabama. Sadly, it's much faster than flying and it still took us about 8 hrs to get there. To fly from Orlando to get to where my Grandprents live in Alabama, you have to 1st fly to Texas (WAAAYYY out of the way) then back over to Alabama. The flights total about 12 hrs. It's nonsense that there isn't a direct flight there. Anyway, so we drove. Rather... I drove while my parents slept most of the way. Waking up only to get gas, food, use the bathroom and that was it until we arrived at our destination. The drive was long and painful. (Painful for my butt for sitting in the same position for almost 8 hrs straight)
The visit itself was nice for the most part. My dad had to work some, so while he was busy doing that, me, my Aunt and my mom went to the gun range to shoot some. I always have fun doing that. The weather for the 1st few days was beautiful. In the 70's with a nice breeze, how ever, by Saturday, it was hot and HUMID!! I hated that part.
While we were there, my Grandfather also had a follow-up Dr's appointment. About 2 yrs ago he had to get a pacemaker put in for his heart. Last fall, he had to get it replaced b/c 1 of the lead wires came loose. At this follow up appointment last week, he was told that the pacemaker is now working 100% to keep his heart beating. Not good news. We just hope it stays working, unlike the last one. The trip home was uneventful overall.
Last night, I get on here to start typing up the posts that I missed while I was away. As I'm typing.. I feel something stuck to my finger. I look down.. and it's a KEY FROM MY KEYBOARD! My freakin key fell off!! On a desktop, it's easy to pop them back on, but not so much for a laptop. After some swearing and a few heavy puffs.. I gave up and went to bed. I couldn't type without the letter 'A'.
This morning, I call around and find a place to fix it. $40.00 later.. I get my laptop back. Now as I sit here and write THIS the fucking key falls off AGAIN!! I'm pissed.. SOOO I can't promise when I'll be able to write more posts. I'm going to try to work on some tonight as long as this stupid keyboard works. If for whatever reason I can't. Whenever I get it back up and running properly (AKA have a new keyboard installed) I will write daily just to get the posts back on schedule.
I hope it's soon!! I can't stand not having a computer!!!!
We left Florida Wednesday morning about 3am to drive to Alabama. Sadly, it's much faster than flying and it still took us about 8 hrs to get there. To fly from Orlando to get to where my Grandprents live in Alabama, you have to 1st fly to Texas (WAAAYYY out of the way) then back over to Alabama. The flights total about 12 hrs. It's nonsense that there isn't a direct flight there. Anyway, so we drove. Rather... I drove while my parents slept most of the way. Waking up only to get gas, food, use the bathroom and that was it until we arrived at our destination. The drive was long and painful. (Painful for my butt for sitting in the same position for almost 8 hrs straight)
The visit itself was nice for the most part. My dad had to work some, so while he was busy doing that, me, my Aunt and my mom went to the gun range to shoot some. I always have fun doing that. The weather for the 1st few days was beautiful. In the 70's with a nice breeze, how ever, by Saturday, it was hot and HUMID!! I hated that part.
While we were there, my Grandfather also had a follow-up Dr's appointment. About 2 yrs ago he had to get a pacemaker put in for his heart. Last fall, he had to get it replaced b/c 1 of the lead wires came loose. At this follow up appointment last week, he was told that the pacemaker is now working 100% to keep his heart beating. Not good news. We just hope it stays working, unlike the last one. The trip home was uneventful overall.
Last night, I get on here to start typing up the posts that I missed while I was away. As I'm typing.. I feel something stuck to my finger. I look down.. and it's a KEY FROM MY KEYBOARD! My freakin key fell off!! On a desktop, it's easy to pop them back on, but not so much for a laptop. After some swearing and a few heavy puffs.. I gave up and went to bed. I couldn't type without the letter 'A'.
This morning, I call around and find a place to fix it. $40.00 later.. I get my laptop back. Now as I sit here and write THIS the fucking key falls off AGAIN!! I'm pissed.. SOOO I can't promise when I'll be able to write more posts. I'm going to try to work on some tonight as long as this stupid keyboard works. If for whatever reason I can't. Whenever I get it back up and running properly (AKA have a new keyboard installed) I will write daily just to get the posts back on schedule.
I hope it's soon!! I can't stand not having a computer!!!!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
New friends
The first week continued on just like the first day. I saw Carl more and more, our lockers were in the same hall, we only had 1 class together, and still never said more than 1 or 2 words total. After the first day, I rode the bus to and from school daily. I'd walk over to Vanessa's house in the morning, and we'd walk together to the bus stop. There were others there that we obviously knew from grade school, but never got along with them so we just kept to ourselves.
Our stop was the 2nd stop of the ride and after picking us up, we had to travel (what seemed like) across town to pick up the others. There was a bus stop in a not so good part of town. The whole community there was populated with 100% black families. While I grew up not noticing the color of people's skin, (Vanessa was spanish, and Carl was mixed. His mom was white and his dad was black.) something about that community made me uneasy. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I dreaded that stop every morning.
That stop picked up about 15 students, from 3 different grades. (Jr. high/Middle school was grades 6, 7 and 8) Some of the kids were O.K. (I wouldn't go as far as saying they were nice, b/c frankly, they weren't) There was one young man that got on from that stop that stood out the most. He was huge! He wasn't tall, but rather in size, he was quiet large. Large and intimidating. His name was O'Neil. He had already failed so many grades that he was now 14 and still in the 6th grade. (When he should have been off starting his Freshman year in High School) He took a liking to me from the very first day. I tried to be nice to him, I didn't want any enemies just starting a new year. Every morning after the bus would pick him and the rest of the kids up at his stop, he would immediately come sit as close to me as possible. Usually Vanessa and I shared a seat, so in the begining, he would just find a seat to one side of us or another. Most of the time, he'd sit behind us and bother me the whole ride. Pulling my hair, pinching me.. all those stupid things boys did back then when they wanted your attention.
For awhile I was able to ignore him for the most part. He never would really talk to me, just annoy and pick at me. I chalked it up to him just being stupid and immature, until things started to progress.
Our stop was the 2nd stop of the ride and after picking us up, we had to travel (what seemed like) across town to pick up the others. There was a bus stop in a not so good part of town. The whole community there was populated with 100% black families. While I grew up not noticing the color of people's skin, (Vanessa was spanish, and Carl was mixed. His mom was white and his dad was black.) something about that community made me uneasy. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I dreaded that stop every morning.
That stop picked up about 15 students, from 3 different grades. (Jr. high/Middle school was grades 6, 7 and 8) Some of the kids were O.K. (I wouldn't go as far as saying they were nice, b/c frankly, they weren't) There was one young man that got on from that stop that stood out the most. He was huge! He wasn't tall, but rather in size, he was quiet large. Large and intimidating. His name was O'Neil. He had already failed so many grades that he was now 14 and still in the 6th grade. (When he should have been off starting his Freshman year in High School) He took a liking to me from the very first day. I tried to be nice to him, I didn't want any enemies just starting a new year. Every morning after the bus would pick him and the rest of the kids up at his stop, he would immediately come sit as close to me as possible. Usually Vanessa and I shared a seat, so in the begining, he would just find a seat to one side of us or another. Most of the time, he'd sit behind us and bother me the whole ride. Pulling my hair, pinching me.. all those stupid things boys did back then when they wanted your attention.
For awhile I was able to ignore him for the most part. He never would really talk to me, just annoy and pick at me. I chalked it up to him just being stupid and immature, until things started to progress.
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