Ok.. So now I'm just back to being irritated. It's been 13 and counting since my brother said he wanted to get together and clear the air and still no word.
WTF?!?!? Guess it goes to show that he really doesn't care. At least this time it in now way can be our fault. He is making the decision (again, mind you) that he really doesn't want to talk to us and sort this all out. Which really.. it's fine with me. I really didn't want to have to deal with Bitch-in-law again. While, yes, I do miss my brother but really, I'm just glad THAT aggrevation is not around. I hate drama and BS, and every time we're around her, that's all there is.
I was willing to deal with her so that I could see my brother and neices... but.. oh well! Guess I don't have to pick.. the choice was made for me!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Things that make you go 'hmmm'.....
Ok.. so I'm sitting outside on my porch with my laptop and smoking a cigarette. It's cold as shit out, but since I can't smoke inside.. well.. I just have to endure it.
Anyway,... so I'm sitting out here chatting online with my friend ~K~, discussing the new blog we're starting and all I notice that theres some racket coming from the neighbors house behind us. (our backyards touch) I remember they were doing some bathroom remodeling a while ago.. but it's been at least 3 months ago and I'm sure they're finished. Maybe new ppl are moving in since it's a rental property?
While I'm pondering this.. I hear the strangest noise. It's going errrrrrrkkkk. It reminds me of hydrolics. Like a dump truck that has hydrolics for the bed. Ok.. now WTF would my neighbors need a hydrolic truck for? Especially at 10pm???? And why is it in their backyard??
I tried going out and peering over the fence... but I'm short.. it's dark.. and I can't see a damn thing. Hmmmmm... guess it's just another 1 of those life mysteries I'll never know about....
Anyway,... so I'm sitting out here chatting online with my friend ~K~, discussing the new blog we're starting and all I notice that theres some racket coming from the neighbors house behind us. (our backyards touch) I remember they were doing some bathroom remodeling a while ago.. but it's been at least 3 months ago and I'm sure they're finished. Maybe new ppl are moving in since it's a rental property?
While I'm pondering this.. I hear the strangest noise. It's going errrrrrrkkkk. It reminds me of hydrolics. Like a dump truck that has hydrolics for the bed. Ok.. now WTF would my neighbors need a hydrolic truck for? Especially at 10pm???? And why is it in their backyard??
I tried going out and peering over the fence... but I'm short.. it's dark.. and I can't see a damn thing. Hmmmmm... guess it's just another 1 of those life mysteries I'll never know about....
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
5 days and counting..
Well, it's been 5 days since OB texted mom and said he wanted a 'come to Jesus' meeting, yet, he hasn't followed up. I'm begining to think that while HE may want it.. Bitch-in-law doesn't and he's just going along with her again... like always.
I SOOO want to IM him and be like WTF?!?! Are you REALLY that much of a pussy that you'll LET your wife keep you from your family?? Or do we really mean that little to you, that you're willing to just throw your family away for her??
Idk.. but it's starting to really bother me again and I hate it. I hate drama and it seems that ever since she's come into the picture thats all there is. Before her, if there was some misunderstanding or any issues, either we would call him or he would call us that day. It wouldn't take days.. weeks.. or like in this case.. 9 months and counting. It would be over before it really even started.
I have come to realize that if I want to see him or my neices, I have to deal with her, and I'm willing to do that.... to some extent. I will still be polite to her, however, if she gets in my face or my mom's again.. well.. she's free game. I'm tired of me and my family being treated like 2nd class citizens by her. Always being blamed for EVERY... SINGLE... SITUATION!
I miss the days when life was so fun and carefree and when I actually had a real brother.
I've been trying to blog more often.. but really, not much happens around here except for this stupid family crap. Maybe I'll start a fictional blog.. maybe that would be more interesting hahahahaah
Anyway.. TTFN :)
I SOOO want to IM him and be like WTF?!?! Are you REALLY that much of a pussy that you'll LET your wife keep you from your family?? Or do we really mean that little to you, that you're willing to just throw your family away for her??
Idk.. but it's starting to really bother me again and I hate it. I hate drama and it seems that ever since she's come into the picture thats all there is. Before her, if there was some misunderstanding or any issues, either we would call him or he would call us that day. It wouldn't take days.. weeks.. or like in this case.. 9 months and counting. It would be over before it really even started.
I have come to realize that if I want to see him or my neices, I have to deal with her, and I'm willing to do that.... to some extent. I will still be polite to her, however, if she gets in my face or my mom's again.. well.. she's free game. I'm tired of me and my family being treated like 2nd class citizens by her. Always being blamed for EVERY... SINGLE... SITUATION!
I miss the days when life was so fun and carefree and when I actually had a real brother.
I've been trying to blog more often.. but really, not much happens around here except for this stupid family crap. Maybe I'll start a fictional blog.. maybe that would be more interesting hahahahaah
Anyway.. TTFN :)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Come to Jesus moments???
Well... things seem to be looking up for me and my family. YAY!! :)
My mom loves her job, well.. the job itself, but hates her boss (she's a total backstabbing bitch, who messes up then blames my mom to the higher ups when the shit hits the fan.. anyway..). So things have been going down hill fast on that front. My dad and I keep urging her to look for something else b/c she has so much experience, especially as a manager. Well... she.. like everyone else right now, is comfortable and was afraid to find something else in case it didn't work out and she became jobless. However.. I found the perfect solution! The main company she works for has other branches in the same field and I found 1 that needs to fill a position that she's totally qualified for! Since it's with the same company and they seem stable right now, stable enough to be opening up brand new locations, I figured she should go for it.
She was still reluctant even though she wants SOOOO BADLY to be out of the situation she's in now. SO! Being the most awesome daughter of all time.. I found the job posting, re-did her resume, wrote an outstanding cover letter and applied for the position, unknown to her. (hahah) Within 24 hrs, they called her for her 1st interview.
Of course, they called the house while my mom was at work, so I recieved the call. I immediately called her on her cell, told her to go in her office and shut the door and sit down. She thought I had had an accident or something cus she starts freaking out like "omg! Are you OK? Is the car OK? What happened??" (See.. I never call and tell her to close her office door hahahaha). After I FINALLY got her to close the door and have a seat.. I explained everything.. from the job posting, to the resume, to applying for the job. Then I finally told her that they just called and want to interview her ASAP. She screamed like someone lit her on fire. I laughed my ass off. It's been a LOOONNNGGG time since she was that happy. I gave her the info and told her to call them, then call me right back. A few minutes later, we're back on the phone. The lady wants to interview the next day. (sounds promising, right?!? I thought so, too!) :)
The following morning, we had a viewing, funeral and burial to go to so after that she was gonna scoot to the interview while I went to the burial. We didn't even make it as far as the funeral. We got to the viewing and just couldn't stop crying so after we spoke to the family members, we sat for a few and decided to leave. We weren't going to be able to sit through that, then the actual funeral and then finally the burial as well. Plus, the burial was scheduled for 2pm and her interview was at 2:30, so she wouldn't be able to go anyway. We decided to try to collect ourselves over lunch and then we'd go out separate ways. I off to the burial and her off to her interview. While we're eating, she realizes that we used to work for my brother a few years ago, and they might call him for a reference. You know.. the same brother that refuses to speak to any of us since last June. She thinks she should call him.. I say its a bad idea. I instead think a text would be much better.
After that debate was finished.. the texting won, and she had me do it since I text faster. I simply said:
"hey.. I have a favor. I'm applying for a new job with (insert her current company here), and they might call you for a job reference. I know you're not speaking to me, but please give me a good reference, I'd really appreciate it, thanks, mom".
We sat there a few minutes waiting to see if he'd text back.. but he didn't so we left. The burial was only about 5 minutes down the road, so it didn't take me long at all to get there. Her interview was about 20 minutes away and sometime during that time he finally texted back:
OB: "sure, np! I think we all need to have a 'come to Jesus' moment.. everyone"
Mom.. poor mom.. had no idea what that meant. Hell.. when she called me.. and relayed the message.. I wasn't sure what that meant either. So I told her to text back and ask what he was talking about. Basically, he was saying he wanted a family meeting and clear the air with all of us and the 2 of them (him and bitch-in-law).
She texted back "sure.. just tell me when and where".
That was Thursday.. this is Saturday.. still no word. Ohhhhhhh weellllllllllll... (but it's still nice that he's finally trying to make an effort since we've been trying for the last 8 months with no response.)
Ok... back to mom's interview. The lady originally said that she would call mom the following Friday and let her know either way if they were interested. By the end of the interview, she changed it and said she'd call Monday. Mom's really bad about checking her vmails on her cell... so today I see on her cell that little symbol telling her she had a new msg. I finally get her to check it.. and it's the lady.. she called around noon on Friday asking if mom was available for a 2nd interview on Tuesday. Guess she was pretty impressed with mom. :) :) :) :)
Mom's been doing the happy dance around the house since then. I swear.. she's acting like a teenage girl getting ready to go on her first date! hahah.. it's all.. "what am I going to wear!??" "What's she going to ask me that she hasn't already asked??" It's pretty funny really. She's cracking me up. My mom has probably had 3 jobs in the last 24 years. Once she gets a job.. she stays thru the good, bad and ugly. She's really loyal, which in most cases is a great thing.. but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes, b/c she is THAT loyal.. she gets shit on alot. Anyway.. topic for another day......
So mom is soooo excited and I'm soooo happy for her! I think I'm just as excited as she is, tho I'm not doing any happy dances. :) I would probably be doing 1 if I had some good news about a job for me. :)
The burial:
The burial was supposed to start about 2pm. or shortly after pending on how long it took to drive there from the funeral. However..... since so many people wanted to say something at the funeral.. it didn't get started until 3:30pm! But it was totally worth the wait.
Let me say.. I have been to a few burials, but none have been like this. For lack of a better word.. it was soooooo freakin' AWESOME!! I know that's probably a bad thing to say about a burial.. but OMG! It completely floored me!
See.. it was for my best friend's dad (since we were.. hmm.. well.. lets just say 1986). The whole thing was surprising to say the least. I mean.. his dad was the most fit person I know! He was in the military for years, then went into the reserves and still was at the time he died. He worked for the gov't in many different ways. He worked in the local JAG office doing.. umm.. not sure what really, worked for the state doing accounting.. all kinds of things involving the military. Being so, he had to stay fit in order to pass his PT. 2 years ago, he had just finished another tour in Iraq.. 18 months long. Just a month ago, he had taken his most recent PT test. Perfect score is 300... he scored a 289. That's saying something since he was 54 yrs old. And his tests all came back fine.
Then he had a massive heart attack and died. Completely unexpected.
He had full military honors at his viewing and burial. (not sure about the actual funeral since I didn't go.. I wanted to.. I just couldn't. I couldn't stand it.. I couldn't collect myself.) It was so breath taking! They had all the armed forces there; Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force, all in their best dress uniforms. In case none of you have ever witnessed a military burial.. well... you just have to see it to fully grasp it. The Army men retrieved his casket from the hearse. They marched to it, stood at attention, saluted it, then brought it out. That started the waterworks for me all over again. The amount of respect they show, just brings tears to your eyes. They marched it to the actual burial site. A preacher said some words, then the military guys (and 1 girl) did their thing. There was probably about 30 military ppl there.. at least! They all stood at attention, all saluted the casket. Then the bugler started. Every time I hear "Taps" I tear up anyway, but I've never heard it played this slow before, or in person. I know it's played for lights out and such while in the service, and really I've only heard it in the movies and TV at a fast pace. However, this time.. it was sooooooooo slloooowwwwwww. It is a very sad song. Then off in the distance, at a rise in the funeral park, there was another bugle echoing the song. OMG! I lost it.. sobbing like a fool. I'm not sure what the significance is to having the echo bugle going, but God.. it was powerful.
Then the rifle party started. 5 men stood at attention, saluted the casket, the did the 3-volley salute. If you don't know what that is.. well.. they fire 3 shots from their rifles. Of course, they are blanks, but that doesn't make it any less loud. I felt like an idiot, I was crying-crying. Not just a few tears running down my face.. but a good ol' cry.
After that was the presenting of the flags for the next-of-kin. Since he had 4 sons and a wife, they decided to present each son with a flag and also to his wife. The folding of the flag that was on the casket was ceremonial as well. Thankfully the other 4 flags were already folded and ready to present.
It had rained for 2 days straight leading up to the funeral so the ground was soggy. My heels kept sinking in, but I didn't care. I was mesmerized. I couldn't take my eyes away from the events. After the last flag was presented, it was over and I (barely) made my way back to my car. I still didn't care about my shoes, but my feet were killing me and I was having a hell of a time walking in the soggy dirt and grass. I finally got back to my car, only to find that I was blocked in. Majorly blocked in. You couldn't even slip a piece of paper in between either of my bumpers and the cars on either side. So, I just got in my car, rolled down the window and smoked a cigarette. Good thing too, since I had been crying so much, I had mascara and all that crap in my eyes and could hardly see well anyway.
I finally was able to get out about 30 minutes later, thankfully. As I made the drive home, I couldn't help but think about him. I had known him for so long. Where did he go when he died? Heaven or Hell? I wouldn't say that he was like a father to me, because frankly.. he wasn't that great of a dad. But he was a good guy, I guess. Every time I ever saw him, he always had a smile on his face and was joking around. He reminded me of a mixture of George Jefferson and Richard Prior. Total goofball and always had jokes to make you laugh.
I'm really sorry that he's gone, but I can't help but think maybe my best friend's mom will be better off now. I know that's probably a horrible thing to say, but he wasn't a very good husband or father. At times, he was physically abusive to both his wife and kids. He also cheated on her many times, even giving her an STD once. He was so cheap in some ways, too. For instance.. we live in Florida. It's HOT in the summer. I mean.. some times, if you're wearing cheap-0 flip-flops, it can melt them right on your feet if you're not careful. But he said A/C was too expensive so he purposely disconnected it and refused to let anyone use it. I've been in that house during those months, and OMG! I don't know how they could stand it! It was about 93 degrees IN the house! UGH!! No way! Not me!
Then, they had a house with a pool, but it was completely green and it was being used as a breeding ground for frogs. He said using the pool pump to keep it clean was too expensive and so.. there it stayed. Green and gross. Why bother buying a house with a pool if you're just gonna keep it as a 'cement pond'?? ewww...
My best friend never really liked his father, for various and understanding reasons. At the viewing, my best friend's brother and mom were all dressed up. The men wore suits, his mom wearing a nice black and brown dress. However.. my best friend?? He and his wife wore jeans and t-shirts and sneakers. I honestly think it was his last 'fuck you' to his dad. I had talked to my best friend off and on all week, and every time I talked to him, I'd ask him how he was. Never did he seem all that upset, never once shed a tear. At the viewing, he was joking around and laughing. I don't know if it just hasn't hit yet.. or if he really isn't THAT sad that his dad is gone. Like I said.. he didn't get along with his dad and frankly.. I really don't think he liked his dad at all. Yes, he loved him BECAUSE it was his dad.. but that doesn't mean he had to like them, right?
So.. those were my 'come to Jesus' moments for the week, tho 1 hasn't actually happened yet.
My mom loves her job, well.. the job itself, but hates her boss (she's a total backstabbing bitch, who messes up then blames my mom to the higher ups when the shit hits the fan.. anyway..). So things have been going down hill fast on that front. My dad and I keep urging her to look for something else b/c she has so much experience, especially as a manager. Well... she.. like everyone else right now, is comfortable and was afraid to find something else in case it didn't work out and she became jobless. However.. I found the perfect solution! The main company she works for has other branches in the same field and I found 1 that needs to fill a position that she's totally qualified for! Since it's with the same company and they seem stable right now, stable enough to be opening up brand new locations, I figured she should go for it.
She was still reluctant even though she wants SOOOO BADLY to be out of the situation she's in now. SO! Being the most awesome daughter of all time.. I found the job posting, re-did her resume, wrote an outstanding cover letter and applied for the position, unknown to her. (hahah) Within 24 hrs, they called her for her 1st interview.
Of course, they called the house while my mom was at work, so I recieved the call. I immediately called her on her cell, told her to go in her office and shut the door and sit down. She thought I had had an accident or something cus she starts freaking out like "omg! Are you OK? Is the car OK? What happened??" (See.. I never call and tell her to close her office door hahahaha). After I FINALLY got her to close the door and have a seat.. I explained everything.. from the job posting, to the resume, to applying for the job. Then I finally told her that they just called and want to interview her ASAP. She screamed like someone lit her on fire. I laughed my ass off. It's been a LOOONNNGGG time since she was that happy. I gave her the info and told her to call them, then call me right back. A few minutes later, we're back on the phone. The lady wants to interview the next day. (sounds promising, right?!? I thought so, too!) :)
The following morning, we had a viewing, funeral and burial to go to so after that she was gonna scoot to the interview while I went to the burial. We didn't even make it as far as the funeral. We got to the viewing and just couldn't stop crying so after we spoke to the family members, we sat for a few and decided to leave. We weren't going to be able to sit through that, then the actual funeral and then finally the burial as well. Plus, the burial was scheduled for 2pm and her interview was at 2:30, so she wouldn't be able to go anyway. We decided to try to collect ourselves over lunch and then we'd go out separate ways. I off to the burial and her off to her interview. While we're eating, she realizes that we used to work for my brother a few years ago, and they might call him for a reference. You know.. the same brother that refuses to speak to any of us since last June. She thinks she should call him.. I say its a bad idea. I instead think a text would be much better.
After that debate was finished.. the texting won, and she had me do it since I text faster. I simply said:
"hey.. I have a favor. I'm applying for a new job with (insert her current company here), and they might call you for a job reference. I know you're not speaking to me, but please give me a good reference, I'd really appreciate it, thanks, mom".
We sat there a few minutes waiting to see if he'd text back.. but he didn't so we left. The burial was only about 5 minutes down the road, so it didn't take me long at all to get there. Her interview was about 20 minutes away and sometime during that time he finally texted back:
OB: "sure, np! I think we all need to have a 'come to Jesus' moment.. everyone"
Mom.. poor mom.. had no idea what that meant. Hell.. when she called me.. and relayed the message.. I wasn't sure what that meant either. So I told her to text back and ask what he was talking about. Basically, he was saying he wanted a family meeting and clear the air with all of us and the 2 of them (him and bitch-in-law).
She texted back "sure.. just tell me when and where".
That was Thursday.. this is Saturday.. still no word. Ohhhhhhh weellllllllllll... (but it's still nice that he's finally trying to make an effort since we've been trying for the last 8 months with no response.)
Ok... back to mom's interview. The lady originally said that she would call mom the following Friday and let her know either way if they were interested. By the end of the interview, she changed it and said she'd call Monday. Mom's really bad about checking her vmails on her cell... so today I see on her cell that little symbol telling her she had a new msg. I finally get her to check it.. and it's the lady.. she called around noon on Friday asking if mom was available for a 2nd interview on Tuesday. Guess she was pretty impressed with mom. :) :) :) :)
Mom's been doing the happy dance around the house since then. I swear.. she's acting like a teenage girl getting ready to go on her first date! hahah.. it's all.. "what am I going to wear!??" "What's she going to ask me that she hasn't already asked??" It's pretty funny really. She's cracking me up. My mom has probably had 3 jobs in the last 24 years. Once she gets a job.. she stays thru the good, bad and ugly. She's really loyal, which in most cases is a great thing.. but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes, b/c she is THAT loyal.. she gets shit on alot. Anyway.. topic for another day......
So mom is soooo excited and I'm soooo happy for her! I think I'm just as excited as she is, tho I'm not doing any happy dances. :) I would probably be doing 1 if I had some good news about a job for me. :)
The burial:
The burial was supposed to start about 2pm. or shortly after pending on how long it took to drive there from the funeral. However..... since so many people wanted to say something at the funeral.. it didn't get started until 3:30pm! But it was totally worth the wait.
Let me say.. I have been to a few burials, but none have been like this. For lack of a better word.. it was soooooo freakin' AWESOME!! I know that's probably a bad thing to say about a burial.. but OMG! It completely floored me!
See.. it was for my best friend's dad (since we were.. hmm.. well.. lets just say 1986). The whole thing was surprising to say the least. I mean.. his dad was the most fit person I know! He was in the military for years, then went into the reserves and still was at the time he died. He worked for the gov't in many different ways. He worked in the local JAG office doing.. umm.. not sure what really, worked for the state doing accounting.. all kinds of things involving the military. Being so, he had to stay fit in order to pass his PT. 2 years ago, he had just finished another tour in Iraq.. 18 months long. Just a month ago, he had taken his most recent PT test. Perfect score is 300... he scored a 289. That's saying something since he was 54 yrs old. And his tests all came back fine.
Then he had a massive heart attack and died. Completely unexpected.
He had full military honors at his viewing and burial. (not sure about the actual funeral since I didn't go.. I wanted to.. I just couldn't. I couldn't stand it.. I couldn't collect myself.) It was so breath taking! They had all the armed forces there; Army, Navy, Marines and Air Force, all in their best dress uniforms. In case none of you have ever witnessed a military burial.. well... you just have to see it to fully grasp it. The Army men retrieved his casket from the hearse. They marched to it, stood at attention, saluted it, then brought it out. That started the waterworks for me all over again. The amount of respect they show, just brings tears to your eyes. They marched it to the actual burial site. A preacher said some words, then the military guys (and 1 girl) did their thing. There was probably about 30 military ppl there.. at least! They all stood at attention, all saluted the casket. Then the bugler started. Every time I hear "Taps" I tear up anyway, but I've never heard it played this slow before, or in person. I know it's played for lights out and such while in the service, and really I've only heard it in the movies and TV at a fast pace. However, this time.. it was sooooooooo slloooowwwwwww. It is a very sad song. Then off in the distance, at a rise in the funeral park, there was another bugle echoing the song. OMG! I lost it.. sobbing like a fool. I'm not sure what the significance is to having the echo bugle going, but God.. it was powerful.
Then the rifle party started. 5 men stood at attention, saluted the casket, the did the 3-volley salute. If you don't know what that is.. well.. they fire 3 shots from their rifles. Of course, they are blanks, but that doesn't make it any less loud. I felt like an idiot, I was crying-crying. Not just a few tears running down my face.. but a good ol' cry.
After that was the presenting of the flags for the next-of-kin. Since he had 4 sons and a wife, they decided to present each son with a flag and also to his wife. The folding of the flag that was on the casket was ceremonial as well. Thankfully the other 4 flags were already folded and ready to present.
It had rained for 2 days straight leading up to the funeral so the ground was soggy. My heels kept sinking in, but I didn't care. I was mesmerized. I couldn't take my eyes away from the events. After the last flag was presented, it was over and I (barely) made my way back to my car. I still didn't care about my shoes, but my feet were killing me and I was having a hell of a time walking in the soggy dirt and grass. I finally got back to my car, only to find that I was blocked in. Majorly blocked in. You couldn't even slip a piece of paper in between either of my bumpers and the cars on either side. So, I just got in my car, rolled down the window and smoked a cigarette. Good thing too, since I had been crying so much, I had mascara and all that crap in my eyes and could hardly see well anyway.
I finally was able to get out about 30 minutes later, thankfully. As I made the drive home, I couldn't help but think about him. I had known him for so long. Where did he go when he died? Heaven or Hell? I wouldn't say that he was like a father to me, because frankly.. he wasn't that great of a dad. But he was a good guy, I guess. Every time I ever saw him, he always had a smile on his face and was joking around. He reminded me of a mixture of George Jefferson and Richard Prior. Total goofball and always had jokes to make you laugh.
I'm really sorry that he's gone, but I can't help but think maybe my best friend's mom will be better off now. I know that's probably a horrible thing to say, but he wasn't a very good husband or father. At times, he was physically abusive to both his wife and kids. He also cheated on her many times, even giving her an STD once. He was so cheap in some ways, too. For instance.. we live in Florida. It's HOT in the summer. I mean.. some times, if you're wearing cheap-0 flip-flops, it can melt them right on your feet if you're not careful. But he said A/C was too expensive so he purposely disconnected it and refused to let anyone use it. I've been in that house during those months, and OMG! I don't know how they could stand it! It was about 93 degrees IN the house! UGH!! No way! Not me!
Then, they had a house with a pool, but it was completely green and it was being used as a breeding ground for frogs. He said using the pool pump to keep it clean was too expensive and so.. there it stayed. Green and gross. Why bother buying a house with a pool if you're just gonna keep it as a 'cement pond'?? ewww...
My best friend never really liked his father, for various and understanding reasons. At the viewing, my best friend's brother and mom were all dressed up. The men wore suits, his mom wearing a nice black and brown dress. However.. my best friend?? He and his wife wore jeans and t-shirts and sneakers. I honestly think it was his last 'fuck you' to his dad. I had talked to my best friend off and on all week, and every time I talked to him, I'd ask him how he was. Never did he seem all that upset, never once shed a tear. At the viewing, he was joking around and laughing. I don't know if it just hasn't hit yet.. or if he really isn't THAT sad that his dad is gone. Like I said.. he didn't get along with his dad and frankly.. I really don't think he liked his dad at all. Yes, he loved him BECAUSE it was his dad.. but that doesn't mean he had to like them, right?
So.. those were my 'come to Jesus' moments for the week, tho 1 hasn't actually happened yet.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Life is so unexpected...especially death
It's so strange how life ends so abruptly. The ones you never think will succumb to an untimely demise, are the ones that are so ravagely jerked away. It's never a shock when the sick pass on. It isn't surprising when the old slip into another paradox. It isn't shocking when you hear about a death on the news.. you just think.. wow.. another death. But, when it happens to someone you know.. someone close to you.. you begin to really think about how life can pass in an instant. How 1 minute they can be there.. and the next gone for ever.
After someone is gone.. you think about all the things you've wanted to say to them. All the memories you had with them. You think of the funny times, the fun times.. the moments you've shared and realize.. you won't ever have the chance to have any more. You can no longer make memories with this person. The last memory you will have.. is seeing them laid out in their coffin. What a horrible last memory! Why do people do that!? Why have a viewing? It's really a horrible thing to do to the living. They should just skip the viewing and have a memorial service for the friends and family that don't want to see their friend/loved one like that. Put up pictures of past times, of happy times.. so that you'll remember THAT in the end. Not a cold, hard, stiff body that doesn't even closely resemble who they were when they were living.
*sigh* I guess maybe I have a very distorded view of life and death. Maybe it's just me.. but I would rather NOT see my loved one like that. I want my last image of them to be of a happy one. Not grim and sad. I understand people want a chance to say their last goodbyes. And for them.. fine.. a viewing. But for the ones that don't want to see that.. but still want to pay their respects.. well.. we're pretty much S.O.L.
I'm not looking forward to the funeral. Not like there's many people out there that actually LIKE funerals. (believe me.. i've met a few that love them) But.. idk.. i feel like i'm socially awkward in those situations. I dont think saying "im sorry for your loss" covers it. But anything else sounds so cheesey. I dont know how to comfort someone when they cry. I just stand there with a deer in headlights look, mouth gapping open... wondering what I should do or say. I hate it. I just can't stand funerals. They give me the creeps. My skin crawls just thinking about it. And it's not the dead body that I have issues with.. it's the living. I'd much rather deal with dead bodies than have to deal with the grieving of the living. UGH! I just don't know how i'm gonna handle it. Thankfully, my mom is going with me. If it wasn't the father of someone I love very much, I probably wouldn't go at all.
*sigh* I'm already getting anxious just thinking about it.. and the funeral is still 3 days away. I wish I had some wine right now.... I need something to calm me down. My heart feels like it's quivering. Like the feeling you get when you hear a bump in the night.. and you dont know what it was.. and decide to investigate. You feel all jittery.... your heart feels like it's gonna have a seizure at any moment. I really don't know why funerals do this to me. I can't recall anything bad that's happened to me at a funeral. But, I've just always been this way.
Maybe I need to see a therapist about it..... hmm... maybe.... someday. Well.. I think I'm gonna go grab a book and curl up in bed and try to calm myself down some.
R.I.P. Charles Winston 2/21/2010. You will be forever missed and loved.
After someone is gone.. you think about all the things you've wanted to say to them. All the memories you had with them. You think of the funny times, the fun times.. the moments you've shared and realize.. you won't ever have the chance to have any more. You can no longer make memories with this person. The last memory you will have.. is seeing them laid out in their coffin. What a horrible last memory! Why do people do that!? Why have a viewing? It's really a horrible thing to do to the living. They should just skip the viewing and have a memorial service for the friends and family that don't want to see their friend/loved one like that. Put up pictures of past times, of happy times.. so that you'll remember THAT in the end. Not a cold, hard, stiff body that doesn't even closely resemble who they were when they were living.
*sigh* I guess maybe I have a very distorded view of life and death. Maybe it's just me.. but I would rather NOT see my loved one like that. I want my last image of them to be of a happy one. Not grim and sad. I understand people want a chance to say their last goodbyes. And for them.. fine.. a viewing. But for the ones that don't want to see that.. but still want to pay their respects.. well.. we're pretty much S.O.L.
I'm not looking forward to the funeral. Not like there's many people out there that actually LIKE funerals. (believe me.. i've met a few that love them) But.. idk.. i feel like i'm socially awkward in those situations. I dont think saying "im sorry for your loss" covers it. But anything else sounds so cheesey. I dont know how to comfort someone when they cry. I just stand there with a deer in headlights look, mouth gapping open... wondering what I should do or say. I hate it. I just can't stand funerals. They give me the creeps. My skin crawls just thinking about it. And it's not the dead body that I have issues with.. it's the living. I'd much rather deal with dead bodies than have to deal with the grieving of the living. UGH! I just don't know how i'm gonna handle it. Thankfully, my mom is going with me. If it wasn't the father of someone I love very much, I probably wouldn't go at all.
*sigh* I'm already getting anxious just thinking about it.. and the funeral is still 3 days away. I wish I had some wine right now.... I need something to calm me down. My heart feels like it's quivering. Like the feeling you get when you hear a bump in the night.. and you dont know what it was.. and decide to investigate. You feel all jittery.... your heart feels like it's gonna have a seizure at any moment. I really don't know why funerals do this to me. I can't recall anything bad that's happened to me at a funeral. But, I've just always been this way.
Maybe I need to see a therapist about it..... hmm... maybe.... someday. Well.. I think I'm gonna go grab a book and curl up in bed and try to calm myself down some.
R.I.P. Charles Winston 2/21/2010. You will be forever missed and loved.
Monday, January 25, 2010
My Soup Box
Well.. this month is almost over already. Time sure is flying by. I still haven't found work (sigh) which totally sucks. I'm starting to really stress now, to the point that I think I've given myself an ulcer. The market is still really bad in the area that I'm trying to find work. So, I decided to branch out a little, still no luck. Finally out of desperation, I went for whatever I could find. This has been probably the hardest time I've EVER had finding a job. The places I really want to work for all have hiring freezes (gov't jobs), other places I'm under qualified, and now I'm being told I'm OVER qualified for the last resort jobs. They said they didn't want to hire me because they feel i'm over qualified for the position and would get bored quick and end up quitting soon and that's an expense they can't afford. (Having to spend the time and money to train me, just for me to quit in a month or so.) SO! I'm still looking.. hoping.. and praying something comes my way and SOON!!
On another note.. I'm gonna jump on my soap box for a few. Sorry ahead of time if this offends anyone. If you don't like.. stop reading.
I am sick and tired of hearing about Haiti!!!!!!! I'm sorry that they had an Earthquake. I'm sorry many people lost their life. I'm sorry there are orphaned children.. I'm sorry their Country is in ruin. BUT COME ON!!!! Get over it already! I don't know if its the media's fault or what.. but I'm just so sick and tired of hearing about it everywhere I go, everything I see, everything I listen to. It's always the same shit.... "help haiti, donate now"..."help haiti,, adopt now".. "help haiti, send money now" OMG!! STFU already! UGH!
I'm so tired of America sticking their noses in everyone else's business! Trying to bail out everyone and their brother whenever something happens. Look what happened with Indonesia few years back! They didn't want shit from us when they had their Tsunami, but our food and supplies. They basically told us.. leave the goods and get the hell out. But yet.. we keep on. OUR country is in trouble right now.. is anyone helping us? NO! We have tons of 'home grown' children that need adopted.. do the people here adopt them? NO.. We have families that have lost everything due to lossing their jobs. They have no home, hardly any clothes, no jobs, have to live in shelters.. but do we help them? NO.. We have homeless men, women and children in every city of every state.. is there someone helping them? NO! WE are currently going through a major fianancial crisis, yet somehow.. we are able to help other countries????? WTF?! Oh I know.. they'll just jack up our taxes to help pay for it.. GREAT!! Cus really.. THATS what we need! More freakin taxes to pay for shit we can hardly pay for now! UGHHHH! Where has OUR country gone? What has happened to the once Great United States of America? We are now just the laughing stock of the rest of the planet. No one fears us anymore. We are no longer the great and powerful nation we used to be. We are becoming a sad and poor country and that makes me sad. Sad and worried.
Makes me wonder.. would I want to bring a child into this world? What will their life be like in 30 years?? What will this country be like in 30 years? Sometimes I think about leaving it all behind and starting over in a new place. A new country. But WHAT country? While we are not as financial stable as some countries.. we are definately better off than others.. So what is the lesser to 2 evils?
Sometimes I wish it was back to the way it was in the 50's and 60's. People respected eachother. People respected and feared the police. Not viewing them as the enemy, but as the protector. Everyone knew right from wrong and most tried to do right all of the time. A time when it was accepted and EXPECTED to spank your child when they did wrong.. hell.. even the neighbors would spank each others children if they caught them doing wrong. I know I got it a few times. Now, you can't even pop them on the butt without the fear of someone turning you in for child abuse. There were less robberies, less murders, less unwanted babies. It was rare to see young girls pregnant.. now it's so common. You can walk into any High School now and see at least 1 girl expecting. At LEAST one.. not to mention middle school. Children are committing horrendous crimes of all types. Being tried as adults for murder! WHY? Why are the children even DOING that to being with? What went wrong?? Where did it all go so wrong?
When did the priorities in this country change? When was saving a old pine tree more important than saving people? When did it become more important to save a chicken from slaughter more important than the welfare of people? When did it shift that saving a rain forrest is more important than saving a life? When did it change that the citizens of the U.S. have less rights than the illegals that sneak in? Why is it so important to cater to the people that have issue with the words "In God We Trust", want those words out of our Judicial Branches, schools, etc.. but yet.. those same people have NO problems spending and getting OUR money that has it on it? Why do we let those same people have any right to say we should take down the American flag on our soil and put up theirs? If you don't like it.. then get the fuck out of AMERICA! Go back to whatever dirt poor country you came from if you think it's so god damn great! This is America damnit! I also believe that the Pledge should be said EVERY morning in EVERY school, as well as sing the song "America the Beautiful". We need to have more people in office, making decisions that benefits America. People that are PROUD to be American and refuse to relinguish to anyone. People that are not afraid to take a stand. We need another president like R. Reagan! He didn't take crap. He said.. (in not exact words) that if he became president, the middle east would have only 24 hrs to release the POW's or we would bomb the shit out of them. He wasn't playing.. and you know what? He didn't even have a chance to take office before it happened. They realized he was going to win and they acted! They feared him and US! I want that back! Do you guys realize the U.S. money isn't worth what it used to be? If you don't believe me.. go look up the currency exchange rates. Our country is slowly.. (well maybe not so slowly) going to shit! We need to take a stand and say we're not gonna put up with that shti anymore!
I'm tired of not being able to say Merry Christmas! I'm not saying that other cultures and religions shouldn't be able to practice their religion. What I'm saying is, why do WE always have to give in? This country was build on the foundation of GOD... Christmas has ALWAYS been Christmas, not a 'Holiday'. It has always been a Christmas Tree! NOT a Holiday Tree. We sing Christmas Carols, not HOLIDAY songs. These same people that bitch about 'Christmas' are the same ones that take advantage of all the Christmas sales, Christmas vacations, Christmas everything! Ohhh and when their company gives them a Christmas bonus.. do they hand it back and say.. No thanks. That offends me. NO! THEY DONT! They keep it and skip all the way to the fucking bank! UGH!!!
Ok,.. well.. that's enough of my bantering right now. The more I think about it, the more pissed I get. I just want to end by saying.. I will not go down quietly. I will take a stand. I will invoke my 2nd Amendment and protect myself, my family and my friends. I will stand tall and proud to be an American until the day I die, and if I die while trying to protect my freedom, so be it. At least when I'm dying I can say that I didn't sit idle and I at least tried.
On another note.. I'm gonna jump on my soap box for a few. Sorry ahead of time if this offends anyone. If you don't like.. stop reading.
I am sick and tired of hearing about Haiti!!!!!!! I'm sorry that they had an Earthquake. I'm sorry many people lost their life. I'm sorry there are orphaned children.. I'm sorry their Country is in ruin. BUT COME ON!!!! Get over it already! I don't know if its the media's fault or what.. but I'm just so sick and tired of hearing about it everywhere I go, everything I see, everything I listen to. It's always the same shit.... "help haiti, donate now"..."help haiti,, adopt now".. "help haiti, send money now" OMG!! STFU already! UGH!
I'm so tired of America sticking their noses in everyone else's business! Trying to bail out everyone and their brother whenever something happens. Look what happened with Indonesia few years back! They didn't want shit from us when they had their Tsunami, but our food and supplies. They basically told us.. leave the goods and get the hell out. But yet.. we keep on. OUR country is in trouble right now.. is anyone helping us? NO! We have tons of 'home grown' children that need adopted.. do the people here adopt them? NO.. We have families that have lost everything due to lossing their jobs. They have no home, hardly any clothes, no jobs, have to live in shelters.. but do we help them? NO.. We have homeless men, women and children in every city of every state.. is there someone helping them? NO! WE are currently going through a major fianancial crisis, yet somehow.. we are able to help other countries????? WTF?! Oh I know.. they'll just jack up our taxes to help pay for it.. GREAT!! Cus really.. THATS what we need! More freakin taxes to pay for shit we can hardly pay for now! UGHHHH! Where has OUR country gone? What has happened to the once Great United States of America? We are now just the laughing stock of the rest of the planet. No one fears us anymore. We are no longer the great and powerful nation we used to be. We are becoming a sad and poor country and that makes me sad. Sad and worried.
Makes me wonder.. would I want to bring a child into this world? What will their life be like in 30 years?? What will this country be like in 30 years? Sometimes I think about leaving it all behind and starting over in a new place. A new country. But WHAT country? While we are not as financial stable as some countries.. we are definately better off than others.. So what is the lesser to 2 evils?
Sometimes I wish it was back to the way it was in the 50's and 60's. People respected eachother. People respected and feared the police. Not viewing them as the enemy, but as the protector. Everyone knew right from wrong and most tried to do right all of the time. A time when it was accepted and EXPECTED to spank your child when they did wrong.. hell.. even the neighbors would spank each others children if they caught them doing wrong. I know I got it a few times. Now, you can't even pop them on the butt without the fear of someone turning you in for child abuse. There were less robberies, less murders, less unwanted babies. It was rare to see young girls pregnant.. now it's so common. You can walk into any High School now and see at least 1 girl expecting. At LEAST one.. not to mention middle school. Children are committing horrendous crimes of all types. Being tried as adults for murder! WHY? Why are the children even DOING that to being with? What went wrong?? Where did it all go so wrong?
When did the priorities in this country change? When was saving a old pine tree more important than saving people? When did it become more important to save a chicken from slaughter more important than the welfare of people? When did it shift that saving a rain forrest is more important than saving a life? When did it change that the citizens of the U.S. have less rights than the illegals that sneak in? Why is it so important to cater to the people that have issue with the words "In God We Trust", want those words out of our Judicial Branches, schools, etc.. but yet.. those same people have NO problems spending and getting OUR money that has it on it? Why do we let those same people have any right to say we should take down the American flag on our soil and put up theirs? If you don't like it.. then get the fuck out of AMERICA! Go back to whatever dirt poor country you came from if you think it's so god damn great! This is America damnit! I also believe that the Pledge should be said EVERY morning in EVERY school, as well as sing the song "America the Beautiful". We need to have more people in office, making decisions that benefits America. People that are PROUD to be American and refuse to relinguish to anyone. People that are not afraid to take a stand. We need another president like R. Reagan! He didn't take crap. He said.. (in not exact words) that if he became president, the middle east would have only 24 hrs to release the POW's or we would bomb the shit out of them. He wasn't playing.. and you know what? He didn't even have a chance to take office before it happened. They realized he was going to win and they acted! They feared him and US! I want that back! Do you guys realize the U.S. money isn't worth what it used to be? If you don't believe me.. go look up the currency exchange rates. Our country is slowly.. (well maybe not so slowly) going to shit! We need to take a stand and say we're not gonna put up with that shti anymore!
I'm tired of not being able to say Merry Christmas! I'm not saying that other cultures and religions shouldn't be able to practice their religion. What I'm saying is, why do WE always have to give in? This country was build on the foundation of GOD... Christmas has ALWAYS been Christmas, not a 'Holiday'. It has always been a Christmas Tree! NOT a Holiday Tree. We sing Christmas Carols, not HOLIDAY songs. These same people that bitch about 'Christmas' are the same ones that take advantage of all the Christmas sales, Christmas vacations, Christmas everything! Ohhh and when their company gives them a Christmas bonus.. do they hand it back and say.. No thanks. That offends me. NO! THEY DONT! They keep it and skip all the way to the fucking bank! UGH!!!
Ok,.. well.. that's enough of my bantering right now. The more I think about it, the more pissed I get. I just want to end by saying.. I will not go down quietly. I will take a stand. I will invoke my 2nd Amendment and protect myself, my family and my friends. I will stand tall and proud to be an American until the day I die, and if I die while trying to protect my freedom, so be it. At least when I'm dying I can say that I didn't sit idle and I at least tried.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
To the new year..
Well.. the new year is coming quick... quicker than I expected really. It makes me think back on this past year. Thoughts of joy and sadness, exciting times and days full of aggravation.
One of my fondess memories of this year was the road trip I took with my best friend back in Febuarary. We went to visit some of her family in a little town in Indiana. Even though we had my GPS with us, we still somehow managed to get lost a few times. Aside from the occasional pissy words (mostly me) we laughed all the way up there and back. Drove through weird weather (us Floridians don't know what sleet is), met interesting people, and had many great laughs. How can I explain my BF. Well.. lets put it this way, she's older than me, but when we're together sometimes, we end up acting like a couple of giddy kids high on sugar. We laugh our asses off at the dumbest things, decide crazy ideas are worth a shot, and then die laughing when it doesn't work out so well. We've had our ups and downs, but all in all.. at the end of the day she's still my best friend and I wouldn't change that (or her) for the world.
My saddest memory for this year is when my brother stopped talking to us. In the begining I was mad, then sad after a few weeks, then back to mad again. I'm still on the mad part. I'm not going to get into all the details, but I will just sum it up by saying this: If he can turn his back on his own family over something so trivial, then I don't need him or his wife in my life. Enough said.
I have graduated college (finally) and am still looking for a job. The market is just so bad right now, between the economy and the Holiday's, but I'm sure I'll find something soon. {sigh} I just can't wait to start workings, get a new car and move back out into my own place. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. But after a certain age (and experiencing living on your own) it's hard sometimes living with other adults, ESPECIALLY your parents.
My birthday was a few days after Christmas and my folks took me out to dinner. I was to pick a place and decided on Texas de Brazil. Let me just say.. that place is freakin AWESOME!! If you've never tried it, I suggest that you do. It's about $50 a person but well worth it. It's not a buffet style place, but it's still all you can eat. Waiters come around with different kinds of meat, cooks array of different ways and just walk up to your table and ask you if you want anything. I swear I ate like 4 filets!! They just melt in your mouth! Anyway.. that place is now my #1 favorite resturant.
For a belated bday gift.. I got a fractured foot! Yay me! So now I'm hobbling around like a gimp with this stupid boot on. Oh! Did anyone know that it's illegal to drive with it on?? Another yay for me since it's my right foot. So I've been keeping the driving down to a minimum and take it off when I absolutely HAVE to drive. Dr. said it isn't too bad so I might be able to take it off in about 2 wks. Luckily, the swelling is keeping it all in place so it just has to heal.
Looks like I'll be bringing in the New Year with my foot propped up on some pillows in the living room with the folks. What a way to bring in the New Year......
One of my fondess memories of this year was the road trip I took with my best friend back in Febuarary. We went to visit some of her family in a little town in Indiana. Even though we had my GPS with us, we still somehow managed to get lost a few times. Aside from the occasional pissy words (mostly me) we laughed all the way up there and back. Drove through weird weather (us Floridians don't know what sleet is), met interesting people, and had many great laughs. How can I explain my BF. Well.. lets put it this way, she's older than me, but when we're together sometimes, we end up acting like a couple of giddy kids high on sugar. We laugh our asses off at the dumbest things, decide crazy ideas are worth a shot, and then die laughing when it doesn't work out so well. We've had our ups and downs, but all in all.. at the end of the day she's still my best friend and I wouldn't change that (or her) for the world.
My saddest memory for this year is when my brother stopped talking to us. In the begining I was mad, then sad after a few weeks, then back to mad again. I'm still on the mad part. I'm not going to get into all the details, but I will just sum it up by saying this: If he can turn his back on his own family over something so trivial, then I don't need him or his wife in my life. Enough said.
I have graduated college (finally) and am still looking for a job. The market is just so bad right now, between the economy and the Holiday's, but I'm sure I'll find something soon. {sigh} I just can't wait to start workings, get a new car and move back out into my own place. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. But after a certain age (and experiencing living on your own) it's hard sometimes living with other adults, ESPECIALLY your parents.
My birthday was a few days after Christmas and my folks took me out to dinner. I was to pick a place and decided on Texas de Brazil. Let me just say.. that place is freakin AWESOME!! If you've never tried it, I suggest that you do. It's about $50 a person but well worth it. It's not a buffet style place, but it's still all you can eat. Waiters come around with different kinds of meat, cooks array of different ways and just walk up to your table and ask you if you want anything. I swear I ate like 4 filets!! They just melt in your mouth! Anyway.. that place is now my #1 favorite resturant.
For a belated bday gift.. I got a fractured foot! Yay me! So now I'm hobbling around like a gimp with this stupid boot on. Oh! Did anyone know that it's illegal to drive with it on?? Another yay for me since it's my right foot. So I've been keeping the driving down to a minimum and take it off when I absolutely HAVE to drive. Dr. said it isn't too bad so I might be able to take it off in about 2 wks. Luckily, the swelling is keeping it all in place so it just has to heal.
Looks like I'll be bringing in the New Year with my foot propped up on some pillows in the living room with the folks. What a way to bring in the New Year......
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