It's so strange how life ends so abruptly. The ones you never think will succumb to an untimely demise, are the ones that are so ravagely jerked away. It's never a shock when the sick pass on. It isn't surprising when the old slip into another paradox. It isn't shocking when you hear about a death on the news.. you just think.. wow.. another death. But, when it happens to someone you know.. someone close to you.. you begin to really think about how life can pass in an instant. How 1 minute they can be there.. and the next gone for ever.
After someone is gone.. you think about all the things you've wanted to say to them. All the memories you had with them. You think of the funny times, the fun times.. the moments you've shared and realize.. you won't ever have the chance to have any more. You can no longer make memories with this person. The last memory you will have.. is seeing them laid out in their coffin. What a horrible last memory! Why do people do that!? Why have a viewing? It's really a horrible thing to do to the living. They should just skip the viewing and have a memorial service for the friends and family that don't want to see their friend/loved one like that. Put up pictures of past times, of happy times.. so that you'll remember THAT in the end. Not a cold, hard, stiff body that doesn't even closely resemble who they were when they were living.
*sigh* I guess maybe I have a very distorded view of life and death. Maybe it's just me.. but I would rather NOT see my loved one like that. I want my last image of them to be of a happy one. Not grim and sad. I understand people want a chance to say their last goodbyes. And for them.. fine.. a viewing. But for the ones that don't want to see that.. but still want to pay their respects.. well.. we're pretty much S.O.L.
I'm not looking forward to the funeral. Not like there's many people out there that actually LIKE funerals. (believe me.. i've met a few that love them) But.. idk.. i feel like i'm socially awkward in those situations. I dont think saying "im sorry for your loss" covers it. But anything else sounds so cheesey. I dont know how to comfort someone when they cry. I just stand there with a deer in headlights look, mouth gapping open... wondering what I should do or say. I hate it. I just can't stand funerals. They give me the creeps. My skin crawls just thinking about it. And it's not the dead body that I have issues with.. it's the living. I'd much rather deal with dead bodies than have to deal with the grieving of the living. UGH! I just don't know how i'm gonna handle it. Thankfully, my mom is going with me. If it wasn't the father of someone I love very much, I probably wouldn't go at all.
*sigh* I'm already getting anxious just thinking about it.. and the funeral is still 3 days away. I wish I had some wine right now.... I need something to calm me down. My heart feels like it's quivering. Like the feeling you get when you hear a bump in the night.. and you dont know what it was.. and decide to investigate. You feel all jittery.... your heart feels like it's gonna have a seizure at any moment. I really don't know why funerals do this to me. I can't recall anything bad that's happened to me at a funeral. But, I've just always been this way.
Maybe I need to see a therapist about it..... hmm... maybe.... someday. Well.. I think I'm gonna go grab a book and curl up in bed and try to calm myself down some.
R.I.P. Charles Winston 2/21/2010. You will be forever missed and loved.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment