Well.. this month is almost over already. Time sure is flying by. I still haven't found work (sigh) which totally sucks. I'm starting to really stress now, to the point that I think I've given myself an ulcer. The market is still really bad in the area that I'm trying to find work. So, I decided to branch out a little, still no luck. Finally out of desperation, I went for whatever I could find. This has been probably the hardest time I've EVER had finding a job. The places I really want to work for all have hiring freezes (gov't jobs), other places I'm under qualified, and now I'm being told I'm OVER qualified for the last resort jobs. They said they didn't want to hire me because they feel i'm over qualified for the position and would get bored quick and end up quitting soon and that's an expense they can't afford. (Having to spend the time and money to train me, just for me to quit in a month or so.) SO! I'm still looking.. hoping.. and praying something comes my way and SOON!!
On another note.. I'm gonna jump on my soap box for a few. Sorry ahead of time if this offends anyone. If you don't like.. stop reading.
I am sick and tired of hearing about Haiti!!!!!!! I'm sorry that they had an Earthquake. I'm sorry many people lost their life. I'm sorry there are orphaned children.. I'm sorry their Country is in ruin. BUT COME ON!!!! Get over it already! I don't know if its the media's fault or what.. but I'm just so sick and tired of hearing about it everywhere I go, everything I see, everything I listen to. It's always the same shit.... "help haiti, donate now"..."help haiti,, adopt now".. "help haiti, send money now" OMG!! STFU already! UGH!
I'm so tired of America sticking their noses in everyone else's business! Trying to bail out everyone and their brother whenever something happens. Look what happened with Indonesia few years back! They didn't want shit from us when they had their Tsunami, but our food and supplies. They basically told us.. leave the goods and get the hell out. But yet.. we keep on. OUR country is in trouble right now.. is anyone helping us? NO! We have tons of 'home grown' children that need adopted.. do the people here adopt them? NO.. We have families that have lost everything due to lossing their jobs. They have no home, hardly any clothes, no jobs, have to live in shelters.. but do we help them? NO.. We have homeless men, women and children in every city of every state.. is there someone helping them? NO! WE are currently going through a major fianancial crisis, yet somehow.. we are able to help other countries????? WTF?! Oh I know.. they'll just jack up our taxes to help pay for it.. GREAT!! Cus really.. THATS what we need! More freakin taxes to pay for shit we can hardly pay for now! UGHHHH! Where has OUR country gone? What has happened to the once Great United States of America? We are now just the laughing stock of the rest of the planet. No one fears us anymore. We are no longer the great and powerful nation we used to be. We are becoming a sad and poor country and that makes me sad. Sad and worried.
Makes me wonder.. would I want to bring a child into this world? What will their life be like in 30 years?? What will this country be like in 30 years? Sometimes I think about leaving it all behind and starting over in a new place. A new country. But WHAT country? While we are not as financial stable as some countries.. we are definately better off than others.. So what is the lesser to 2 evils?
Sometimes I wish it was back to the way it was in the 50's and 60's. People respected eachother. People respected and feared the police. Not viewing them as the enemy, but as the protector. Everyone knew right from wrong and most tried to do right all of the time. A time when it was accepted and EXPECTED to spank your child when they did wrong.. hell.. even the neighbors would spank each others children if they caught them doing wrong. I know I got it a few times. Now, you can't even pop them on the butt without the fear of someone turning you in for child abuse. There were less robberies, less murders, less unwanted babies. It was rare to see young girls pregnant.. now it's so common. You can walk into any High School now and see at least 1 girl expecting. At LEAST one.. not to mention middle school. Children are committing horrendous crimes of all types. Being tried as adults for murder! WHY? Why are the children even DOING that to being with? What went wrong?? Where did it all go so wrong?
When did the priorities in this country change? When was saving a old pine tree more important than saving people? When did it become more important to save a chicken from slaughter more important than the welfare of people? When did it shift that saving a rain forrest is more important than saving a life? When did it change that the citizens of the U.S. have less rights than the illegals that sneak in? Why is it so important to cater to the people that have issue with the words "In God We Trust", want those words out of our Judicial Branches, schools, etc.. but yet.. those same people have NO problems spending and getting OUR money that has it on it? Why do we let those same people have any right to say we should take down the American flag on our soil and put up theirs? If you don't like it.. then get the fuck out of AMERICA! Go back to whatever dirt poor country you came from if you think it's so god damn great! This is America damnit! I also believe that the Pledge should be said EVERY morning in EVERY school, as well as sing the song "America the Beautiful". We need to have more people in office, making decisions that benefits America. People that are PROUD to be American and refuse to relinguish to anyone. People that are not afraid to take a stand. We need another president like R. Reagan! He didn't take crap. He said.. (in not exact words) that if he became president, the middle east would have only 24 hrs to release the POW's or we would bomb the shit out of them. He wasn't playing.. and you know what? He didn't even have a chance to take office before it happened. They realized he was going to win and they acted! They feared him and US! I want that back! Do you guys realize the U.S. money isn't worth what it used to be? If you don't believe me.. go look up the currency exchange rates. Our country is slowly.. (well maybe not so slowly) going to shit! We need to take a stand and say we're not gonna put up with that shti anymore!
I'm tired of not being able to say Merry Christmas! I'm not saying that other cultures and religions shouldn't be able to practice their religion. What I'm saying is, why do WE always have to give in? This country was build on the foundation of GOD... Christmas has ALWAYS been Christmas, not a 'Holiday'. It has always been a Christmas Tree! NOT a Holiday Tree. We sing Christmas Carols, not HOLIDAY songs. These same people that bitch about 'Christmas' are the same ones that take advantage of all the Christmas sales, Christmas vacations, Christmas everything! Ohhh and when their company gives them a Christmas bonus.. do they hand it back and say.. No thanks. That offends me. NO! THEY DONT! They keep it and skip all the way to the fucking bank! UGH!!!
Ok,.. well.. that's enough of my bantering right now. The more I think about it, the more pissed I get. I just want to end by saying.. I will not go down quietly. I will take a stand. I will invoke my 2nd Amendment and protect myself, my family and my friends. I will stand tall and proud to be an American until the day I die, and if I die while trying to protect my freedom, so be it. At least when I'm dying I can say that I didn't sit idle and I at least tried.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
To the new year..
Well.. the new year is coming quick... quicker than I expected really. It makes me think back on this past year. Thoughts of joy and sadness, exciting times and days full of aggravation.
One of my fondess memories of this year was the road trip I took with my best friend back in Febuarary. We went to visit some of her family in a little town in Indiana. Even though we had my GPS with us, we still somehow managed to get lost a few times. Aside from the occasional pissy words (mostly me) we laughed all the way up there and back. Drove through weird weather (us Floridians don't know what sleet is), met interesting people, and had many great laughs. How can I explain my BF. Well.. lets put it this way, she's older than me, but when we're together sometimes, we end up acting like a couple of giddy kids high on sugar. We laugh our asses off at the dumbest things, decide crazy ideas are worth a shot, and then die laughing when it doesn't work out so well. We've had our ups and downs, but all in all.. at the end of the day she's still my best friend and I wouldn't change that (or her) for the world.
My saddest memory for this year is when my brother stopped talking to us. In the begining I was mad, then sad after a few weeks, then back to mad again. I'm still on the mad part. I'm not going to get into all the details, but I will just sum it up by saying this: If he can turn his back on his own family over something so trivial, then I don't need him or his wife in my life. Enough said.
I have graduated college (finally) and am still looking for a job. The market is just so bad right now, between the economy and the Holiday's, but I'm sure I'll find something soon. {sigh} I just can't wait to start workings, get a new car and move back out into my own place. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. But after a certain age (and experiencing living on your own) it's hard sometimes living with other adults, ESPECIALLY your parents.
My birthday was a few days after Christmas and my folks took me out to dinner. I was to pick a place and decided on Texas de Brazil. Let me just say.. that place is freakin AWESOME!! If you've never tried it, I suggest that you do. It's about $50 a person but well worth it. It's not a buffet style place, but it's still all you can eat. Waiters come around with different kinds of meat, cooks array of different ways and just walk up to your table and ask you if you want anything. I swear I ate like 4 filets!! They just melt in your mouth! Anyway.. that place is now my #1 favorite resturant.
For a belated bday gift.. I got a fractured foot! Yay me! So now I'm hobbling around like a gimp with this stupid boot on. Oh! Did anyone know that it's illegal to drive with it on?? Another yay for me since it's my right foot. So I've been keeping the driving down to a minimum and take it off when I absolutely HAVE to drive. Dr. said it isn't too bad so I might be able to take it off in about 2 wks. Luckily, the swelling is keeping it all in place so it just has to heal.
Looks like I'll be bringing in the New Year with my foot propped up on some pillows in the living room with the folks. What a way to bring in the New Year......
One of my fondess memories of this year was the road trip I took with my best friend back in Febuarary. We went to visit some of her family in a little town in Indiana. Even though we had my GPS with us, we still somehow managed to get lost a few times. Aside from the occasional pissy words (mostly me) we laughed all the way up there and back. Drove through weird weather (us Floridians don't know what sleet is), met interesting people, and had many great laughs. How can I explain my BF. Well.. lets put it this way, she's older than me, but when we're together sometimes, we end up acting like a couple of giddy kids high on sugar. We laugh our asses off at the dumbest things, decide crazy ideas are worth a shot, and then die laughing when it doesn't work out so well. We've had our ups and downs, but all in all.. at the end of the day she's still my best friend and I wouldn't change that (or her) for the world.
My saddest memory for this year is when my brother stopped talking to us. In the begining I was mad, then sad after a few weeks, then back to mad again. I'm still on the mad part. I'm not going to get into all the details, but I will just sum it up by saying this: If he can turn his back on his own family over something so trivial, then I don't need him or his wife in my life. Enough said.
I have graduated college (finally) and am still looking for a job. The market is just so bad right now, between the economy and the Holiday's, but I'm sure I'll find something soon. {sigh} I just can't wait to start workings, get a new car and move back out into my own place. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents. But after a certain age (and experiencing living on your own) it's hard sometimes living with other adults, ESPECIALLY your parents.
My birthday was a few days after Christmas and my folks took me out to dinner. I was to pick a place and decided on Texas de Brazil. Let me just say.. that place is freakin AWESOME!! If you've never tried it, I suggest that you do. It's about $50 a person but well worth it. It's not a buffet style place, but it's still all you can eat. Waiters come around with different kinds of meat, cooks array of different ways and just walk up to your table and ask you if you want anything. I swear I ate like 4 filets!! They just melt in your mouth! Anyway.. that place is now my #1 favorite resturant.
For a belated bday gift.. I got a fractured foot! Yay me! So now I'm hobbling around like a gimp with this stupid boot on. Oh! Did anyone know that it's illegal to drive with it on?? Another yay for me since it's my right foot. So I've been keeping the driving down to a minimum and take it off when I absolutely HAVE to drive. Dr. said it isn't too bad so I might be able to take it off in about 2 wks. Luckily, the swelling is keeping it all in place so it just has to heal.
Looks like I'll be bringing in the New Year with my foot propped up on some pillows in the living room with the folks. What a way to bring in the New Year......
Monday, October 26, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The countdown..
Ok, so I offically have started my last 2 wks of my college education. Soon, I will be handed a diploma and kicked in the butt to find a job. Which, as it has been for a while now, easier said then done. I've tried calling up some of my contacts at local offices to see if any jobs are becoming available, but all I keep getting are "no, sorry". God, I so don't want to go back to asking people if they want paper or plastic!!!
My brother's birthday is fast approaching as well. I don't know if I should even bother sending him a card or anything. If I do, and the bitch-in-law intercepts it, would she still give it to him?
This week I have 2 day class lasting 10-12 hrs each day. While all of my college classes are at night (cus I'm SOOOOO not a morning person) but this class is for a personal reason. I've decided to also pursue a mini-career being a NRA (National Rifle Association) instructor for basic pistol classes. (You know, the class you have to take to get a concealed weapons permit.) SO! I have to take the Instructor course to get my certification before I can teach it myself. The class is a 2 day event, both days starting at 7:45am. UGH! Means I have to be up at 5:30, showered, lunched packed, guns and ammo packed and on the road by 6:30 to get there in time since the location is about an hour away. I'm so not looking forward to hearing my alarm that early or handing over $285 that I really don't have to spare right now. However, the reward outweights the costs.
I've also started to really get into the paranormal thing. Is anyone else interested in it? I find it fascinating!!! Not just the ghosts/spirits thing, but also aura's, mediums, etc. I found this really cool website that ppl go to tell their stories of encounters. The web address (if anyone's interested) is: www.yourghoststories.com Check it out, I find their stories very interesting.
Well, that's it for now. Nothing too exciting happening with me right now. Just finals.. blahhhh
I was wondering.. does anyone read my blogs? Or are they too boring? I'd love some feedback if you do read them.
Thanks and goodnight (or rather morning since it's almost 1am) for now! :)
My brother's birthday is fast approaching as well. I don't know if I should even bother sending him a card or anything. If I do, and the bitch-in-law intercepts it, would she still give it to him?
This week I have 2 day class lasting 10-12 hrs each day. While all of my college classes are at night (cus I'm SOOOOO not a morning person) but this class is for a personal reason. I've decided to also pursue a mini-career being a NRA (National Rifle Association) instructor for basic pistol classes. (You know, the class you have to take to get a concealed weapons permit.) SO! I have to take the Instructor course to get my certification before I can teach it myself. The class is a 2 day event, both days starting at 7:45am. UGH! Means I have to be up at 5:30, showered, lunched packed, guns and ammo packed and on the road by 6:30 to get there in time since the location is about an hour away. I'm so not looking forward to hearing my alarm that early or handing over $285 that I really don't have to spare right now. However, the reward outweights the costs.
I've also started to really get into the paranormal thing. Is anyone else interested in it? I find it fascinating!!! Not just the ghosts/spirits thing, but also aura's, mediums, etc. I found this really cool website that ppl go to tell their stories of encounters. The web address (if anyone's interested) is: www.yourghoststories.com Check it out, I find their stories very interesting.
Well, that's it for now. Nothing too exciting happening with me right now. Just finals.. blahhhh
I was wondering.. does anyone read my blogs? Or are they too boring? I'd love some feedback if you do read them.
Thanks and goodnight (or rather morning since it's almost 1am) for now! :)
Monday, September 7, 2009
Pain in my Calf...
OK.. Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. Just been a little busy. So... some good news. I am NOT preggo!! Yippie!! Back to smoking guilt free! :) I took like 3 tests just to make sure and since they all came back negative, I finally coughed up some moolah and went to the Doc. It was just a really super bad bladder infection. After the lovely time of squattin' over a cup or 2, getting some scans done and being scorned for a bit about 'holding' it too much and too long, I was let go with a script to take for like 10 days. The things tasted SOOOO nasty!! My mouth tasted like I'd been sucking on metal pipes, but at least that only had to last 10 days and not 9 months! :) I've never had a bladder infection like that before, so I didn't know what the symptoms were. It was good that I didn't wait any longer b/c Doc said it was starting to affect my kidneys, i.e. causing the swelling in my feet cus my kidneys weren't functioning like they were supposed to. SO! I'm finally feeling back to normal. However, the meds make me very tired and I still just want to sleep sleep SLEEEPP! (more so than normal anyway)
This past Saturday, I helped my best friend move. She was downsizing from a 2/2 townhouse to a 600ft apartment. OMG!! She had so much shit!! I have no idea where she's gonna put most of that stuff, but I'm sure she'll find a way. The move went smoothly and it only took us 4 hrs. (cus I called my parents and begged them to come help!) See, my friend doesn't have any family nearby to help so it was just the 2 of us and that would have taken DAYS to get everything. But luckily my parents didn't have anything planned so they came over. 5hrs later we were all exhausted, it started to storm, the U-haul was finally unpacked so we called it a day. I felt like I had been beat with a 2X4! The heat was horrible! The weather guy claims it was only in the high 80's but with heat index and humidity, it was really closer to 100. I was sweating out of places I didn't even know I could sweat from. Around 400pm I left, came home, collapsed on the bed for a few but felt too disgusting to lay there anymore. Took a nice cool shower til I heard the pizza guy banging on the door like I owed him money.. oh wait.. I did! haha Jumped out just in time before he left with my pizza. After scarfing down 3 slices (dude.. I was starving! Hadn't eaten since 830am and by now it was close to 6pm) I smoked a quick cigarette and fell into bed. Took a nice nap til about 8pm, jumped online to summit my homework for my online class, then went back to bed. Didn't get up til 830 the next morning.
Sunday went to breakfast with mom, walked around the mall, did some grocery shopping, dropped some stuff off at friends house that she needed (or rather couldn't find of her own stuff since it was still crammed into boxes) came back home and chilled in the pool cus it was another super hot day. Man, you should have seen me trying to walk around. My back didn't hurt from all the lifting, pulling and pushing of boxes, furniture, etc... however my calves hurt so freakin bad! Out of all the things that I'd expect to hurt the next day it wasn't my calves. Both of my calf muscles felt like they were locked up. I couldn't bend my ankles to walk and ended up looking like Frankenstein when I attempted to, minus my arms outstretched. It was definitely a sight to see. Since I looked like some freak show when trying to move around, I popped a couple of aleve and decided to lay down to watch True blood. To my disappointment, it was a repeat so I called it an early night again.
Monday (today) got a wake up call around 10am from my friend (the one I helped move) wanting to know if I had any plans for the day and if I didn't, would I like to come over and help unpack. NOOOOOO!!! I don't want to see another moving box for a long ass time! So I politely declined, crawled out of bed forgetting about my crippled ass legs. Almost fell flat on my face in my attempt to get out of bed. Of course, my legs quickly reminded me that they were still not cooperating so I did my Frankenstein walk to the bathroom then outside to have my morning cigarette. I had to run over to my storage until to check on something, then off to the grocery store again for the things I forgot yesterday then came back and spent some time in the pool... again. And of course, got a call from my wonderful friend saying her old landlord wanted to do the walk-thru at her old place and begged me to go with her. UGH! I didn't want to go anywhere! I wanted to stay in the pool relaxing. But.. being the gracious friend that I am, hehe, I told her to come over and we'd take my car. (mostly b/c she doesn't have air in hers and it was just too damn hot to be in it). So we met up with her slumlord.. umm.. I mean landlord. OMG!! That guy is a total ASSSSSSS!!!!!! Totally nitpicking EVERY! FREAKING! THING! He CLAIMS the carpet was brand new when she moved in there 2 yrs ago. BITCH PLEASE! That shit was so old it was starting to stretch so there were wrinkles everywhere and the corners were fraying. New my ass. So after I started questioning him about it, he changed his story. Then started B.S. about the paint, saying she'd have to pay for it to be repainted. I was like WHAT?! Bitch please! Told him; why?! It wasn't freshly painted when she moved in! Why didn't the last tenants pay then? Again, he changed his story. That guy was really starting to piss me off! Anyway, after telling him that she would only agree to take it out of her deposit if he could show proof with receipt that the carpet was newly installed right before she moved and that he purchased paint to paint the walls right before she moved in, that she would then agree to replace/pay. He mumbled something and said he'd be in contact. WHATEVER! God I hate landlords like that. What's totally effed up is that as soon as he walked in to the place, he was like wow! This place is super clean! I can rent it today to someone else! And as we were leaving he said that he already had ppl interested in the place and was meeting 1 of them in about 15min. with the hopes that they'd move in sometime next week. Like he's REALLY going to have that much time to redo all that crap? Errr! Hmm.. we'll just see about that Mr. I-Think-I'm-Slick.
So the countdown has started. Only 4 more weeks til I'm done with this semester. Done completely actually. Graduation is approaching fast! Just 1 wk after my last class. Most of the time, I can't wait! I'm so over school. But there are times when I get worried cus that means that I'll now have to find a job in my field, which isn't really easy to do. Especially right now. But, I'm hopin' and prayin' that something will come along.
Still haven't talked to my brother. I see him post shit on Facebook and he's still on my friends list on yahoo, but he never sends me anything anymore. I still don't know what to do about that. A part of me wants to write him an email or call him or something and be like OMG! EFFING GROW UP DAMNIT! Stop holding grudges. But then again, I think... well.. aren't I doing the same thing? Or am I just standing my ground? I'm just so tired of giving into him and his douchebag of a wife. Why should I (or we.. including my parents) always have to be the one that says sorry and tries to fix it. We have been the ones that have always made the 1st try to fix things when he's crazy ass bitch wife goes off the deep end and says WE did something to her b/c we wouldn't change our life to fit her needs. Plus, HE'S the one that turned his back on US, WE didn't do it to him. So, I could use a little advice here. What do ya'll think? Should I bite it and contact him 1st? I know that if I did try to reconcile with him, that means I would have to do the same with his wife. Because, as he's made it perfectly clear, that if we can't accept her, be nice to her, apologize to her for EVERYTHING for the past 11 yrs, etc., we can't have anything to do with him or his kids. UGH! I just really can't stand her. Just thinking about her makes my blood boil. When I see her I constantly fight the urge to punch her in the face. How can I reconcile with her if I can't even stand to look at her!????????? Am I being selfish? Childish? A total bitch? Some advice please!!
Anyway, I'm gonna head off here now. Time for more aleve! :)
This past Saturday, I helped my best friend move. She was downsizing from a 2/2 townhouse to a 600ft apartment. OMG!! She had so much shit!! I have no idea where she's gonna put most of that stuff, but I'm sure she'll find a way. The move went smoothly and it only took us 4 hrs. (cus I called my parents and begged them to come help!) See, my friend doesn't have any family nearby to help so it was just the 2 of us and that would have taken DAYS to get everything. But luckily my parents didn't have anything planned so they came over. 5hrs later we were all exhausted, it started to storm, the U-haul was finally unpacked so we called it a day. I felt like I had been beat with a 2X4! The heat was horrible! The weather guy claims it was only in the high 80's but with heat index and humidity, it was really closer to 100. I was sweating out of places I didn't even know I could sweat from. Around 400pm I left, came home, collapsed on the bed for a few but felt too disgusting to lay there anymore. Took a nice cool shower til I heard the pizza guy banging on the door like I owed him money.. oh wait.. I did! haha Jumped out just in time before he left with my pizza. After scarfing down 3 slices (dude.. I was starving! Hadn't eaten since 830am and by now it was close to 6pm) I smoked a quick cigarette and fell into bed. Took a nice nap til about 8pm, jumped online to summit my homework for my online class, then went back to bed. Didn't get up til 830 the next morning.
Sunday went to breakfast with mom, walked around the mall, did some grocery shopping, dropped some stuff off at friends house that she needed (or rather couldn't find of her own stuff since it was still crammed into boxes) came back home and chilled in the pool cus it was another super hot day. Man, you should have seen me trying to walk around. My back didn't hurt from all the lifting, pulling and pushing of boxes, furniture, etc... however my calves hurt so freakin bad! Out of all the things that I'd expect to hurt the next day it wasn't my calves. Both of my calf muscles felt like they were locked up. I couldn't bend my ankles to walk and ended up looking like Frankenstein when I attempted to, minus my arms outstretched. It was definitely a sight to see. Since I looked like some freak show when trying to move around, I popped a couple of aleve and decided to lay down to watch True blood. To my disappointment, it was a repeat so I called it an early night again.
Monday (today) got a wake up call around 10am from my friend (the one I helped move) wanting to know if I had any plans for the day and if I didn't, would I like to come over and help unpack. NOOOOOO!!! I don't want to see another moving box for a long ass time! So I politely declined, crawled out of bed forgetting about my crippled ass legs. Almost fell flat on my face in my attempt to get out of bed. Of course, my legs quickly reminded me that they were still not cooperating so I did my Frankenstein walk to the bathroom then outside to have my morning cigarette. I had to run over to my storage until to check on something, then off to the grocery store again for the things I forgot yesterday then came back and spent some time in the pool... again. And of course, got a call from my wonderful friend saying her old landlord wanted to do the walk-thru at her old place and begged me to go with her. UGH! I didn't want to go anywhere! I wanted to stay in the pool relaxing. But.. being the gracious friend that I am, hehe, I told her to come over and we'd take my car. (mostly b/c she doesn't have air in hers and it was just too damn hot to be in it). So we met up with her slumlord.. umm.. I mean landlord. OMG!! That guy is a total ASSSSSSS!!!!!! Totally nitpicking EVERY! FREAKING! THING! He CLAIMS the carpet was brand new when she moved in there 2 yrs ago. BITCH PLEASE! That shit was so old it was starting to stretch so there were wrinkles everywhere and the corners were fraying. New my ass. So after I started questioning him about it, he changed his story. Then started B.S. about the paint, saying she'd have to pay for it to be repainted. I was like WHAT?! Bitch please! Told him; why?! It wasn't freshly painted when she moved in! Why didn't the last tenants pay then? Again, he changed his story. That guy was really starting to piss me off! Anyway, after telling him that she would only agree to take it out of her deposit if he could show proof with receipt that the carpet was newly installed right before she moved and that he purchased paint to paint the walls right before she moved in, that she would then agree to replace/pay. He mumbled something and said he'd be in contact. WHATEVER! God I hate landlords like that. What's totally effed up is that as soon as he walked in to the place, he was like wow! This place is super clean! I can rent it today to someone else! And as we were leaving he said that he already had ppl interested in the place and was meeting 1 of them in about 15min. with the hopes that they'd move in sometime next week. Like he's REALLY going to have that much time to redo all that crap? Errr! Hmm.. we'll just see about that Mr. I-Think-I'm-Slick.
So the countdown has started. Only 4 more weeks til I'm done with this semester. Done completely actually. Graduation is approaching fast! Just 1 wk after my last class. Most of the time, I can't wait! I'm so over school. But there are times when I get worried cus that means that I'll now have to find a job in my field, which isn't really easy to do. Especially right now. But, I'm hopin' and prayin' that something will come along.
Still haven't talked to my brother. I see him post shit on Facebook and he's still on my friends list on yahoo, but he never sends me anything anymore. I still don't know what to do about that. A part of me wants to write him an email or call him or something and be like OMG! EFFING GROW UP DAMNIT! Stop holding grudges. But then again, I think... well.. aren't I doing the same thing? Or am I just standing my ground? I'm just so tired of giving into him and his douchebag of a wife. Why should I (or we.. including my parents) always have to be the one that says sorry and tries to fix it. We have been the ones that have always made the 1st try to fix things when he's crazy ass bitch wife goes off the deep end and says WE did something to her b/c we wouldn't change our life to fit her needs. Plus, HE'S the one that turned his back on US, WE didn't do it to him. So, I could use a little advice here. What do ya'll think? Should I bite it and contact him 1st? I know that if I did try to reconcile with him, that means I would have to do the same with his wife. Because, as he's made it perfectly clear, that if we can't accept her, be nice to her, apologize to her for EVERYTHING for the past 11 yrs, etc., we can't have anything to do with him or his kids. UGH! I just really can't stand her. Just thinking about her makes my blood boil. When I see her I constantly fight the urge to punch her in the face. How can I reconcile with her if I can't even stand to look at her!????????? Am I being selfish? Childish? A total bitch? Some advice please!!
Anyway, I'm gonna head off here now. Time for more aleve! :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Bored...
O.K.... so I am officially bored with my life. Bored with everything. I have about 1000 channels to watch, but am bored with T.V. I have 4 different textbooks I should be reading for classes yet don't want to do that either, they bore me. I just feel so overwhelmed at the moment yet bored at the same time. Is that even possible? It's like I'm in a rut and I see the ladder to get out, but there's this invisable wall blocking me to get to the ladder!!
I have approximately 7 wks left until I finish my BA degree and some days it feels more like 7 years. It's like the end is so near yet so far away. I'm getting a little anxious now. Not just because of my final finals, though they are worrying me and graduating with high honors, but more b/c it means it'll be time for me to find a job. Which, right now, the way the economy is going I dk if i'll be ABLE to find a job.
I just want out of this crummy state. It's hot, it's crowded, it's full of people that need jobs just as bad as I do with as much luck as I'm having finding one. Don't get me wrong, I COULD get a job flipping burgers or something, but I don't want to do that anymore. I want a 'career', not a job. No offense towards the ones that do that, it's just not what I want for myself. God, I would LOOOVVEE to win the lottery!! I already know what I'd do with all that money!
I just want a change of scenery! I want to be out of the hoooottt!! But then again, I'm deathly afraid of driving in the snow! (guess i'm never happy, huh?)
I wish I was a kid again. There are so many things I'd do differently.
On another maybe-positive-maybe-not note... I think I might be pregnant! Don't get me wrong, I want to have kids. But right now isn't a good time AT ALL!! First and foremost, I'm single. The would-be father isn't in the picture, never really was. It was a chance meeting, a frenzied coupling that happened 1 night. I've known him for over 10 years, but he moved away a long time ago and I happened to run into him while I was out of town on vacation in Feb. We made plans to get together before I returned home. 1 thing led to another.. dinner.. drinks.. tussling around in a hotel room.. then he was gone. It was very irresponsible of both of us. He didn't want any more kids, I'm in college with no means to support myself.. he lives 1200 miles away... you get the picture. Not to mention that my folks are 'old fashioned' in the sense that they think ppl should be married before they have kids (Personally, I believe that too.) and they will FREAK OUTTTTTTTTT!!! But after years and years of being told that if I could EVEN concieve, I'd have a REALLY hard time doing it without fertility pills. Now, Doctors CAN and HAVE been wrong about a lot of things, are they wrong about me? I hope so cus I do eventually want kids. But the main question here is.. am I or am I not? Are they wrong? I would love to have a baby.. but would having one now set me back career wise? If I am.. I am most definately keeping it! That's not even a question. But do I tell the father? I'll probably never see him again anyway and the communication between the 2 of us has fizzled a great deal in the past few months. Hmm.. I know it might be wrong, but I don't think I'd tell him and it's purely selfish reasons too. If he did know and wanted to have visitations, then I would have to ship my baby off to another state and not be able to be there too. I just couldn't do that. No way could I let my baby out of my sight like that. Having family babysit is 1 thing, at least I'm sit in the same town, but to go that far?! NO! And he's already told me that he would never move back down here, so there goes that. Well, enough of the worrying about something I can't change and don't even know if there's anything to worry about. I'm gonna get a test within the next few days and find out! I'm sure you're sitting there reading this and going.. damn.. it's been since Feb and she doesn't know!? How could she not know? Well 1st, I have 'cycle' issues (girls, i'm sure you know what I mean) so I don't get it regularly. 2nd, I took a test back in March or April and it was negative, but that doesn't mean anything. Lately, I've just been having weird symptoms that i've never had or at least noticed before. I am constantly tired yet all I want to do is sleep. I sleep about 12 hrs a night, if not more. I get dizzy at least once a day and in just the past 3 wks, I get nauseated at night. At 1st, it was an all day thing. Felt so sick like I needed to puke but wouldn't. I've never ever suffered from indigestion, didn't even know what it felt like, but going on 3 wks now that's all I feel. I had to ask someone what it was!! Hahaha! Then came the weird itching. Started on the bottom of my feet, then my palms. I had no idea why so I searched online. Other than the obvious things like athletes foot it mentioned, which isn't what I have cus its on the arch of my foot and not anywhere else and is on both feet, it then said some women experience that while they are preggo b/c of the extra estrogen they're producing. ALSO! The one that I'm not sure of is.. I have this weird line that I just noticed (like I said.. JUST noticed.. so maybe it's been there all along and I never noticed before). It starts at my belly button and goes down about... 2-3 inches I guess. It's a light brown line. Could it have been there all along? I guess so.. but why am I just noticing it now?! So I also looked THAT up online. Apparently woman usually start getting that when they get into their 2nd trimester! WTF!? Now I'm getting a little nervous! But if I'm not preggo.. then why am I getting these symptoms?!? It totally sucks not having insurance!
Ok.. before I start hyperventilating.. I think I'm just gonna try to push this out of my mind for a few days, get the test then see if I have anything to worry about.
So.. wish me luck!! (luck for which one.. i'm not too sure about yet!) :)
I have approximately 7 wks left until I finish my BA degree and some days it feels more like 7 years. It's like the end is so near yet so far away. I'm getting a little anxious now. Not just because of my final finals, though they are worrying me and graduating with high honors, but more b/c it means it'll be time for me to find a job. Which, right now, the way the economy is going I dk if i'll be ABLE to find a job.
I just want out of this crummy state. It's hot, it's crowded, it's full of people that need jobs just as bad as I do with as much luck as I'm having finding one. Don't get me wrong, I COULD get a job flipping burgers or something, but I don't want to do that anymore. I want a 'career', not a job. No offense towards the ones that do that, it's just not what I want for myself. God, I would LOOOVVEE to win the lottery!! I already know what I'd do with all that money!
I just want a change of scenery! I want to be out of the hoooottt!! But then again, I'm deathly afraid of driving in the snow! (guess i'm never happy, huh?)
I wish I was a kid again. There are so many things I'd do differently.
On another maybe-positive-maybe-not note... I think I might be pregnant! Don't get me wrong, I want to have kids. But right now isn't a good time AT ALL!! First and foremost, I'm single. The would-be father isn't in the picture, never really was. It was a chance meeting, a frenzied coupling that happened 1 night. I've known him for over 10 years, but he moved away a long time ago and I happened to run into him while I was out of town on vacation in Feb. We made plans to get together before I returned home. 1 thing led to another.. dinner.. drinks.. tussling around in a hotel room.. then he was gone. It was very irresponsible of both of us. He didn't want any more kids, I'm in college with no means to support myself.. he lives 1200 miles away... you get the picture. Not to mention that my folks are 'old fashioned' in the sense that they think ppl should be married before they have kids (Personally, I believe that too.) and they will FREAK OUTTTTTTTTT!!! But after years and years of being told that if I could EVEN concieve, I'd have a REALLY hard time doing it without fertility pills. Now, Doctors CAN and HAVE been wrong about a lot of things, are they wrong about me? I hope so cus I do eventually want kids. But the main question here is.. am I or am I not? Are they wrong? I would love to have a baby.. but would having one now set me back career wise? If I am.. I am most definately keeping it! That's not even a question. But do I tell the father? I'll probably never see him again anyway and the communication between the 2 of us has fizzled a great deal in the past few months. Hmm.. I know it might be wrong, but I don't think I'd tell him and it's purely selfish reasons too. If he did know and wanted to have visitations, then I would have to ship my baby off to another state and not be able to be there too. I just couldn't do that. No way could I let my baby out of my sight like that. Having family babysit is 1 thing, at least I'm sit in the same town, but to go that far?! NO! And he's already told me that he would never move back down here, so there goes that. Well, enough of the worrying about something I can't change and don't even know if there's anything to worry about. I'm gonna get a test within the next few days and find out! I'm sure you're sitting there reading this and going.. damn.. it's been since Feb and she doesn't know!? How could she not know? Well 1st, I have 'cycle' issues (girls, i'm sure you know what I mean) so I don't get it regularly. 2nd, I took a test back in March or April and it was negative, but that doesn't mean anything. Lately, I've just been having weird symptoms that i've never had or at least noticed before. I am constantly tired yet all I want to do is sleep. I sleep about 12 hrs a night, if not more. I get dizzy at least once a day and in just the past 3 wks, I get nauseated at night. At 1st, it was an all day thing. Felt so sick like I needed to puke but wouldn't. I've never ever suffered from indigestion, didn't even know what it felt like, but going on 3 wks now that's all I feel. I had to ask someone what it was!! Hahaha! Then came the weird itching. Started on the bottom of my feet, then my palms. I had no idea why so I searched online. Other than the obvious things like athletes foot it mentioned, which isn't what I have cus its on the arch of my foot and not anywhere else and is on both feet, it then said some women experience that while they are preggo b/c of the extra estrogen they're producing. ALSO! The one that I'm not sure of is.. I have this weird line that I just noticed (like I said.. JUST noticed.. so maybe it's been there all along and I never noticed before). It starts at my belly button and goes down about... 2-3 inches I guess. It's a light brown line. Could it have been there all along? I guess so.. but why am I just noticing it now?! So I also looked THAT up online. Apparently woman usually start getting that when they get into their 2nd trimester! WTF!? Now I'm getting a little nervous! But if I'm not preggo.. then why am I getting these symptoms?!? It totally sucks not having insurance!
Ok.. before I start hyperventilating.. I think I'm just gonna try to push this out of my mind for a few days, get the test then see if I have anything to worry about.
So.. wish me luck!! (luck for which one.. i'm not too sure about yet!) :)
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Moving on?
So it's been about.... 2 months since I last spoke to my brother. Apparently he is holding this grudge a long time. Though I love my brother VERY much, I just can't keep giving in to him and his wife, taking all the responsibility for everything. It emotionally drains me and hurts me. I know I am not without my faults, but they have some too however, they refuse to take any responsibility for them. Always quick to blame others for everything. Quick to pass judgement on others. To criticize their so called 'friends' behind their backs. Making fun of them and calling their children degrading names, but all nice to their faces... inviting them over for parties and such. If I wasn't related to him, I wouldn't want to be their friend. As I sit and think about all the things I've heard them say about others, it makes me wonder what they say about me and my family behind our backs.
It's sad to say, but I feel that I no longer HAVE a brother. I lost him not 2 months ago, but 11 yrs ago when she walked into his life. I've kept my slience about how I feel... to him anyway. My family knows how I've felt about her for a long time now. I've kept quiet as to not cause any drama. I never wanted to stop speaking to my brother... but now!?? I guess I'd rather him gone then have to hear constantly that I'M the one that causes all the problems. Which, in a sense, kind of cracks me up. If it had been ANYONE else treating me this way from the begining, I would have gone off on them a LOOONNNGGGG time ago! Anyone who knows me knows that. But b/c it was HIS wife I never said anything... at least not to them. I'd vent to my friends or family when they were't around. I would have spat in her face if I could have a long long time ago! HA! Who am I kidding.. I would have hulled off and bitched slapped her! There have been MANY times I've wanted to do that. But, I never did. Many times have I wanted to tell her what a selfish bitch she is. But again.. never did.
Why can't people see her as she really is? Why can't HE see her as she really is? Not even 1 yr ago, him and I were driving to meet the parents for dinner, and the whole car ride he went on and on about what a total douchebag she is and how he can't stand her. But now??? Just cause I said that I didn't want to be around her anymore b/c I can't take her attitude, rude comments and constant outbursts, I'M THE HORRIBLE PERSON?!? WTF?! Does that make ANY sense what-so-ever? I mean.. I've never even told HIM how I felt about her. I knew that would make him mad/upset/pissed.. whatever and possibly make him not want to come around anymore. So I keep it to myself and still.. it happened anyway.
What do I do? Do I just sit back and wait and see how long it'll take him to come around? Do I just act like everything's fine? My family has tried to call him but he won't answer or call back.. STILL! So I'm not going to even bother trying too. I'm not going to email him cus I know all we'll do is fight anyway. So still.. what do I do? Am I now brotherless? UGH! I hate drama!!!! Our family never had drama until SHE came into the picture. Now.. the past 11 yrs have been NOTHING but drama!
God I really hate her......
It's sad to say, but I feel that I no longer HAVE a brother. I lost him not 2 months ago, but 11 yrs ago when she walked into his life. I've kept my slience about how I feel... to him anyway. My family knows how I've felt about her for a long time now. I've kept quiet as to not cause any drama. I never wanted to stop speaking to my brother... but now!?? I guess I'd rather him gone then have to hear constantly that I'M the one that causes all the problems. Which, in a sense, kind of cracks me up. If it had been ANYONE else treating me this way from the begining, I would have gone off on them a LOOONNNGGGG time ago! Anyone who knows me knows that. But b/c it was HIS wife I never said anything... at least not to them. I'd vent to my friends or family when they were't around. I would have spat in her face if I could have a long long time ago! HA! Who am I kidding.. I would have hulled off and bitched slapped her! There have been MANY times I've wanted to do that. But, I never did. Many times have I wanted to tell her what a selfish bitch she is. But again.. never did.
Why can't people see her as she really is? Why can't HE see her as she really is? Not even 1 yr ago, him and I were driving to meet the parents for dinner, and the whole car ride he went on and on about what a total douchebag she is and how he can't stand her. But now??? Just cause I said that I didn't want to be around her anymore b/c I can't take her attitude, rude comments and constant outbursts, I'M THE HORRIBLE PERSON?!? WTF?! Does that make ANY sense what-so-ever? I mean.. I've never even told HIM how I felt about her. I knew that would make him mad/upset/pissed.. whatever and possibly make him not want to come around anymore. So I keep it to myself and still.. it happened anyway.
What do I do? Do I just sit back and wait and see how long it'll take him to come around? Do I just act like everything's fine? My family has tried to call him but he won't answer or call back.. STILL! So I'm not going to even bother trying too. I'm not going to email him cus I know all we'll do is fight anyway. So still.. what do I do? Am I now brotherless? UGH! I hate drama!!!! Our family never had drama until SHE came into the picture. Now.. the past 11 yrs have been NOTHING but drama!
God I really hate her......
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