Shitty Days

**Happy Friday everyone! Just a bonus post 'cus.. well.. really just cus I can't sleep and I'm bored! :)

I waited by the phone the whole night but Johnny never called. Each time the phone rang, I bulldozed everyone over just to answer it, but it was never whom I really wanted it to be. Around 8:45 Amy called to see if I had heard from him. Since I was already in a grumpy mood because he DIDN'T call, her calling and asking if he did, knowing that I'd call her right after IF he had.. just made me even more pissy.

"NO! Amy! He didn't call!" I yelled into the phone. Even though I knew it wasn't her fault that he didn't call, I still kind of took it out on her.

"Oh. Well.. I just got off the phone with Tony.. so I thought maybe Johnny had called you and you tried to call while I was on the phone" I knew her intentions were good but she still irritated me. (and no, she didn't have call waiting) Though I knew she wasn't purposly doing it, I felt like she was rubbing it in my face that she had heard from her boyfriend but I had not. I got off the phone quickly after that and tried to get to sleep.

It's funny really.. that when you're that age, the things that will keep you up at night. Things that you worry about that really don't matter much, but at that point in your life, it matters more than anything else.

After a night of restless sleep, I got up and headed to school. Vanessa and I still rode to school together. Now that my dad was taking us, her parent's like the idea and occationally would take us instead. (again, with her Dad's controlling.) It was her Dad's turn this morning so I called her right before I headed out the door to tell her I was on my way over. As soon as I arrived we piled into the car and were on our way.

"So, J, what did you do this weekend?" I hadn't been spending a lot of time with Vanessa. Mainly because her parent's WERE very controlling and wouldn't ever let her out of the house without an adult chaperone with her at all times. Of course, THAT couldn't happen when I was out meeting up with Johnny so our friendship started to dwindle.

I looked in her father's direction before answering and saw him eye me from the rearview mirror. "Oh, not much really. Spend the night over at Amy's and went to the mall. What did you do?" I figured that would be safe to say for the time being and I'd fill her in later when spying ears weren't around.

"Oh I didn't really do anything either. Just stayed in the house the whole time"

"Oh. Well, if you ever want to go to the mall with me and Amy, just let me know, you're always welcome." I saw her father make an expression along the lines of "Like hell she will" but I just ignored him.

Throughout the day all I could think about was Johnny and the fact that he never called. I was beginning to worry that I had seen the last of him. After school I came home and checked the messages, hoping he had called, but he still hadn't.

I moped around the house for the rest of the day and waited for my parents to return. My brother came home before them, acting a little funny. I asked him what was up.

"J, You know it's my birthday in a few days"

"Yea, but why are you so happy about it? Got something special planned?"

"J! You know damn well! Mom and Dad wouldn't sign my papers to go into the Army early. I'll be 18, school already said I could go early, I have enough credits and that they'd mail me my diploma. Now they can't stop me" He finished as he headed to his bedroom with a slight smug look.

"When would you leave?" I called after him.

"The following weekend" he answered over his shoulder as he shut his door.

I sat in the livingroom ignoring the T.V. lost in my own thoughts. I didn't want my brother to leave. I surely didn't want my brother to leave while there was a war brewing that they eventually called Desert Storm. My biggest fear was that he'd get sent over there and never come back.

This already shitty day had gotten even shitter.

What's my age again??

Amy and Tony disentangled themselves as I approached, said a last goodbye and her and I walked outside.

"What was up with that?" she asked, motioning over to where Johnny and I had been talking.

"I'm really not sure. He's mad at me because he said I embarressed him in front of Tony."

"Embarressed him how?"

"'Cus I wouldn't try on those things and I wouldn't let him buy me anything from there"

"Oh" was all she could say.

"I don't know why he thinks someone my age should or WOULD wear that stuff anyway!!!"

"Oh.. well....." she trailed off and looked away.

"Well what? What do you know?"

"Well.. I kinda told them we were older than what we are."

"YOU DID WHAT?? How old do they think we ARE!?"

"16"

Now it was my turned to not know what to say. Amy still wouldn't face me and that was fine. There was so many things running threw my head. A lot of things started to finally make some sense but what I couldn't understand is why she would tell them that!

"Amy! Why would you do that?"

She finally faced me again, "Well, they said they were 18 and 19. I figured if they knew our real ages they wouldn't want anything to do with us and I really liked Tony!"

I couldn't believe my ears!! I just stood there stunned all over again.

Amy's dad arrived a few minutes later and the car ride back was silent. The only conversation was when her dad asked us if we had a good time and if we bought anything. When he asked us that, I couldn't help but think about Fredrick's of Hollywood.

As soon as we were back at her house, I gathered up my belongings, gave her back the outfit she let me borrow and asked her dad if he'd drive me home. Amy grabbed me on my way to the car.

"Don't be mad at me. Please. I know you like Johnny and if I hadn't lied, you wouldn't be seeing him now."

She was right and I couldn't help but forgive her even though I was still angry.

"That's true! But! He's mad at me now and I don't know if I WILL see him again!"

She gave me a look that showed sympathy and I told her I'd call her later after I talked to Johnny. IF I talked to Johnny.

Shopping

I called by parents to ask if it was O.K. if I spent the day with Amy and after I got their approval and hung up, we quickly got ready. Since I hadn't anticipated seeing them again so soon, I didn't bring any 'cute' outfits so I had to borrow something from Amy. Luckily we were close to the same size and we put our finishing touches on just as the guys called back once more.

Tony informed Amy that they were on the way to the mall and told us where to meet them. Amy's dad dropped us off 20 minutes later and her and I were nervous all over again. We made our way up the escalators and found Tony and Johnny sitting at a table talking intently. Slowly we approached and Tony saw us first, directing Johnny in our direction. They stood as we reached their table and they both greeted us with hugs and kisses. This time, I kissed back. I loved the scent of Johnny. He always smelled of speariment breath mints and Drakkar Noir (hey! It was the 90's!!) and I nuzzled my face in his chest breathing him in.

We sat and talked for a few minutes, recollecting the events of the previous night and how much fun we both had. Deceiding to walk around the mall, each of the guys grabbed our hand and led us around. Looking in store windows, wondering in department stores and then they led us to Fredrick's of Hollywood.

Amy and I gave a worried glance to eachother as we entered. We both knew we weren't the right age to be in that store, ESPECIALLY with two guys older than us. The sales woman gave us a disapproving glance, told us if we needed anything to ask and walked away. The guys had a good time rummaging through the merchandise, holding up lingerie to us that they liked. Amy and I tried to put on a happy face but we were both uncomfortable being in there.

Johnny tried to buy me a bra and panties set but after much begging, pleading and 'no no no' he finally gave in. He instead tried to push me into trying some things on, offering to go in with me to give his approval. Again, it took a lot of no's but he eventually stopped asking. Tony and Amy had walked off to another part of the store and I could hear giggles and see the admiring glances he gave her. We left the store soon after but the mood out our little group had changed. Johnny stopped holding my hand and he began walking 2-3 steps ahead of me. Tony and Amy got in step with me and though they could feel the tension between Johnny and I, neither of them said anything.

Tony continued to be a gentleman for the remainder of the day, though Johnny began acting as if I wasn't even there. It was time for us to leave and Amy and Tony had resumed their lip-locking. I walked over to Johnny timidly.

"Umm.. so.. I guess we're leaving now"

"O.K." he replied without even looking at me

"Did I do something to make you mad?"

"Forget about it"

"No. Please I want to know. What did I do?"

He turned to face me finally. Leaning down until our noses were only an inch apart.

"I don't like being embarressed in front of my boy"

"What do you mean? How did I embarress you?"

"How did you embarress me? What would you call it back there in the store?"

"But Johnny.. I didn't want to try those on. I was too embarressed. Plus.. him and Amy weren't even around. They were off doing their own thing, he couldn't hear us"

"Doesn't matter. He knew you kept telling me no."

I didn't know what else to say except that I was sorry. I stood there a little while longer waiting to see if he would say anything else and all he did was step back and turn away from me again. I sighed and started to walk away.

"I'll call you tonight and we'll talk" he said after me

"O.K." was all I could say and continued to walk.

To my disappointment, the week seemed to drag on. Amy and I couldn't wait until the weekend to meet up with Johnny and Tony again.

Finally the day came and Amy and I spent most of the afternoon trying to pick out the perfect outfit. Since I was too young to date and I was never one to wear make-up, I had to do my finishing touches at Amy's house. My dad dropped me off with the thought that her dad was taking us to a movie and I was spending the night at her house afterwards. Her dad of course knew we weren't doing that, since he was the 1 that was going to drop us off Down Town and pick us back up later on that night.

Little did any of them know, we were about to go on our very first date.

Her dad dropped us off in front of the teen dance club around 8pm informing us he would be back at 11:30 to pick us up and we better not be a minute late. That only gave us 3 1/2 hours to spend with the guys, but it was better than nothing.

We waved goodbye and started towards the door of the club. Once we saw that he had driven away, we made a beeline for the the designated meeting place. Stopping off once in a bathroom to check our make-up and we were back on our way, nervously giggling and chatting.

Johnny spotted us before we spotted them and he surprised me by wrapping his arms around me from behind. I probably jumped about a foot off the floor and awkwardly accepted his embrace. Tony leaned into Amy for a kiss and she graciously accepted. I did notice that Eric wasn't with them this time... which was fine with me. He seemed more like the loner type anyway, he didn't talk much.

We spent the rest of the evening walking around the town, ducking into shops, clubs and they even snuck us into a bar or 2. They tried to get us to drink some, but neither of us wanted to have to explain the smell of alcohol to her dad so we declined. It never occurred to me to wonder why.. if they were only 18 and 19, why there were able to buy drinks until later that night.

It didn't take long for me to feel very comfortable with Johnny. He just had that way about him. His hands wondered a little too much for my (lack of) experience but I never pushed his hand away. When he leaned in for a kiss after only an hour together, I didn't pull away this time. It was nice to finally kiss someone of my own free will. It was nice to kiss someone that I WANTED to kiss. To have someone that I was attracted to to touch me and hold me

11:20 arrived and it was time to say a reluctant goodbye. We had decided to part ways a block away from where her dad was going to pick us up, just in case he arrived early, we didn't want him to catch us. With promises to talk soon and to make plans to get together the next weekend, we made out like the horny teenagers we were and left.

For the rest of the night and into the wee hours of the morning, all we talked about were the guys. What we considered our real 'first date', our real 'first kisses' and the naughty thoughts teenage girls have that we want to do with our current crushes.

We couldn't wait to talk to them again and see them again and hoped it would be for longer next time.

Our wake-up call the next day came at 10am... from Tony. They wanted to hang out again and we made plans to meet them at the mall.

Cause and Effect

The next few days I tried to make my decision. I knew what I SHOULD do; press charges on all of them, but what I wanted to do was completely different. I wanted to just forget it all happened. I wanted to go back to my old life before any of this had started. I also knew that if I did decide to press charges, the process would not be a quick one. It could take a very long time, years even, before this was all over. I didn't want the WHOLE school to know about what happened to me and I didn't want to be known all over school as the person that got the VP fired. I didn't want the reputation that that would bring to follow me for the rest of my school days, being known as a trouble maker to other teachers and office professionals... at least thats what my brain kept telling me.

The following Sunday, my mom sat me down to ask me what my decision was. I knew she would be disappointed in what I had decided and I was a little nervous telling her. Even though she told me before that her and my dad would be supportive in either decision, I knew what she wanted me to do.

"Mom... I don't want to do it. I just want to forget this all happened. I don't want everyone to know what has been going on. I just want to be a KID. A kid without all this... this.. CRAP!"

She sat there quietly before responding, "I understand, J and I'm not going to talk you into doing anything you don't want to do. BUT! Just think about this.. do you think it's right that they get away with this? Any of them?"

"NO! Of course not! But Mom! I don't want to be the kid that's responsible for having them punished. I'm just a kid! I don't want that responsibility!"

"I understand. Though you won't be the one responsible for having them punished, that's what the courts and a jury if it came to that, is for. You would only be bringing to light what they let continue to happen to you and make O'Neil responsible for what he did. But, like I said to you the other day... We will stand behind you in whatever decision you decide.I just want you to know that from now on, 1 of us will be taking you to school and 1 of us will be driving you home. You don't have to ride the bus any more."

I thanked her and as I got up to walk away, she reached over and gave me the biggest and hardest hug I had ever felt. I returned the hug and went back into my room very glad that I no longer had to deal with O'Neil or the driver.

I had no idea how that decision would have effected me for a very long time.

The following morning, I called Vanessa early and asked her if she wanted to ride with me. Of course she said yes and we picked her up as my dad drove us to school. Throughout the rest of the year I had become closer friends with Amy and Leti. They were in a few of my classes with me and though Vanessa was still my best friend, I hardly saw her at school. Soon, the only times I really saw Vanessa was at lunch and the rides to and from school.

My weekends were filled with outings with Amy or Leti or even Angie from down the street. Amy belonged to a church youth group that planned activites for Friday and Saturday nights. Sometimes it was just a trip to the movies, sometimes it was a trip to teen dance clubs and I occasionally tagged along. One Friday night the group was going to the Down Town area. There, they had many clubs, bars, shops and some game rooms. Since we were obviously under age, we weren't allowe into the bars, but the rest of the small town we would always find adventure. There was even a haunted house there that was open year round. The youth group seperated into smaller groups and Amy and I went our own way with promises to meet everyone back in the middle of town by 10:30pm.

We had decided to start in one of the bigger buildings which was 4 stories, and work our way around. Looking in all the shops, going up to the game floor and even ducking into a teenage dance club for a few minutes. During the night, Amy and I had passed by 3 older guys many times. Each time we passed, they would try to flirt with us, try to get us to talk to them, but we would just giggle and keep walking.

By the end of the night one of the three guys finally approached Amy and struck up a conversation while I had ran to grab us some drinks. He introduced himself as Johnny and his friends were Tony and Eric. Tony quickly made it clear he was interested in Amy and while Johnny drilled Amy to get information about me. By the time I had returned, Amy had already given the guys our names and numbers.

Johnny was definately older than us (hell.. we were only 13). He stood about 5'10", hispanic with black wavy hair. Tony looked as though he could be a GQ model. He was taller than Johnny but with a firm muscular body and light brown eyes. You could tell by the way Johnny talked he was the alpha in his group and I found it flattering that he was interested in me. I wasn't old enough to offically start dating yet, so I was pretty nervous around him.

Before either of us had realized it, it was 10:45pm and we were VERY late to meet up with the group. I informed Amy that we had to leave right away and said our goodbyes to the guys. Johnny leaned in for a kiss, but I was startled and turned away, leaving him my cheek to kiss instead. Tony did the same to Amy, however she let him kiss her on the mouth. Shortly after we ran off to meet everyone else.

On the way home, Amy filled me in on the conversation she had with them while I was gone. I never even thought to ask any of them how old they were, but at some point Johnny told her. He said he was 19, Tony was 18 and Eric was 20. My mouth gapped open... he was 6 years older than me! No way would my parents go for that even if I was ALLOWED to date!! I would have to try to keep him a secret if he ever called me.

I didn't have to wait long to hear from him. Sunday night my phone rang and it was him. We had a great 30 min. conversation and made plans to meet back up in the same spot the following Friday night. As soon as I hung up with him, I called Amy. She had just gotten off the phone with Tony and we exchanged stories and made plans for the next weekend.

I had no idea how that decision, just like my other one, would have effected me for the rest of my life.