Like a bolt of Lightening

The summer seemed to fly by. Before I realized it, I was leaving the next day to go back home. While I missed my family greatly, I would miss my nights at the Hotel going on rounds with Slim, doing paperwork with my Grandma and taking a late night swim before I drifted off to sleep on the lobby couch.

The following morning I awoke to my Grandmother begging me to get out of bed. I was happy that we hadn't been at the hotel the night before because the hours were wrecking havoc on my sleep patterns and we had a long drive ahead of us. I grudgingly got out of bed and headed for the shower. I was stopped in the hallway by my Grandfather who informed me breakfast was ready and I'd have to shower afterwards.

I dragged myself into the kitchen just as my Grandmother was putting down a big plate of homemade buttermilk biscuits. No matter how groggy you were, the smell of those biscuits would perk you right up. After too many eggs, bacon and biscuits, I excused myself to shower and finish packing.

About an hour later, we were saying out goodbyes to my Grandfather as we put the last piece of luggage into my Grandmother's car. Normally my parents come back to pick me up, but this time, my Grandma decided she'd like to drive me back down and stay a few days. We were on the road shortly and I became sad as I watched the town speed past the passenger window. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to return to my life. I wanted to stay there and start new, but I knew I couldn't. I missed my parents badly and even though my brother and I fought, I missed him too. I also missed my dog, Pepper. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes while my Grandmother listened to some Church service on the radio. Even though I was brought up going to Church every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, vacation Bible School in the summers, and every Church function in between, I hated listening to it on the radio. Actually, as I sat there with my eyes closed, I realized I hated Church in general. I couldn't understand when that happened. I decided I'd think that over during the drive home since I had plenty of hours to do it.

A few hours later I realized we were getting off the highway and coming to a stop. I don't know when I feel asleep, but it was obvious I had. I was groggy and had no idea where we were. My Grandmother was getting out of the car at some run down gas station off the highway and I decided to take this time to stretch my legs and relieve my bladder. When I came back to the car, my Grandma was leaning next to it smoking a cigarette.

"I wondered when you'd wake up" she said as she flicked an ash onto the ground.

"How long have I been asleep? Where are we anyway?"

"We're over 1/2 way there. You slept almost the whole ride!" she laughed

Hmmmm, I thought. Either I've been asleep a really long time or my Grandma was driving like Richard Petty.

"You gettin' hungry, honey?" she asked as she stomped her cigarette butt into the ground.

"Yea.. a little. Did you want to stop and eat? Or just eat in the car and keep driving?"

"We'll stop. I think I saw a Waffle House on the other side of the highway. We'll eat there, then get back on the road"

We piled back into her car and found the Waffle House within minutes. About an hour later we were back in the car and heading home again. I settled back against the seat, determined to think about why I hated Church when she informed me I couldn't go back to sleep because she would need help finding my house. It had been a few years since she had come down and the scenery in my town changed frequently. I promised I wouldn't, if she'd change the station on the radio. We compromised on a "Golden Oldies" station and feel into a comfortable silence. I was able to return to my Church thoughts uninterrupted for a few more hours.

I tried to think back to when it was that I stopped enjoying going to Church Services. Since I was still young, I went to youth group while the adults stayed in the main hall for their service. It had always been fun; doing arts and crafts, singing, putting on plays. I decided to start at an earliest memory of Church and go forward. Taking time with each memory, as some were more entertaining than others. I finally realized that it had been about 9 months ago that my feelings had changed. But why? I wondered. What was different? What around me or in me changed that I started to pull away. Then it hit me like a bolt of lightening.

That was around the time O'Neil really started 'paying attention' to me. It was then that I realized that I blamed God for letting those things happen to me. Even when I tried to do the right thing, it never got any better. In my young feeble mind, I decided that God had given up on me, had turned his back on me and so, I was doing the same to him. Thinking about O'Neil and all the shit I had gone through made me even more mad, justifying my feelings about Church and God and everything else.

I was pulled from my inner turmoil by my Grandmother swearing..
"Shit, shit, shit!"

I looked at her, mouth gaped open. "Grandma! What's wrong!" I could probably count on one hand the amount of times I had ever heard her swear.

"I think I got off on the wrong exit and I have no idea where we are!"

Shit, Shit, Shit! Is right! I thought to myself. Fuck, if she doesn't know where we are, we're both screwed 'cus neither will I!

After some more swearing on her part, we finally realized we had somehow gotten onto the property of a Theme Park. Luckily, I knew how to get home from there since my parents would drag us here EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND! When we first moved down. A few minutes later I had navigated her back onto the correct highway and made sure I stayed alert to assist her in directions.

45 minutes later we were pulling into my subdivision and it felt like a huge weight had crashed down on me. I could see my house in the distance as we rounded a curve and I quickly was aware of how soon the school year was going to start. In two weeks, I would be starting 7th grade. I was excited in some ways, but still deathly afraid of the bus ride.

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The two weeks pasted quicker than I wanted and I had woken up dreading the day. It was the first day of school and I was thankful of my family's long standing tradition. My mom was driving me (and Vanessa) to school so I wouldn't have to deal with O'Neil until the end of the day. The section of school that had burned down had been completely rebuilt so finding our classes were going to be tricky. No one was familiar with the new layout but it didn't long to get acclimated. Surprisingly, the day went by quickly. Far too quickly for me. The closer it got to the end of 6th period, the more my stomach ached.

When the final bell rang, I went to my locker, deposited my books and slowly made my way to the bus. By the time I found the correct bus, it was already over 1/2 way full. I mounted the steps with a heavy sigh as the driver looked over at me.

"We missed you this morning" he said, laughing and looking in his giant mirror that allowed him to see the inside of the bus in it's entirety. Looking directly back to where O'Neil was sitting.

"Hmmm.." I grunted, acknowledging his comment that seemed to make the bus erupt in laughter. I had a feeling I was missing something, like an inside joke I wasn't privy to.

I quickly scanned the bus for an open seat, begging that there wasn't anything available near O'Neil. Much to my disapointment, O'Neil called to me, telling me 'my seat' was right beside him. I stood there for a moment, pondering my next move. I could easily just sit in the front since no one was there yet, but before I was able to make my decision O'Neil was coming down the isle.

"I SAID your seat is RIGHT THERE!" his voice raising as he pointed to where he was standing a second ago.

I still didn't move, but that didn't stop him from grabbing my arm and half dragging me down the isle. I tried to get my footing as I looked at the other students while I passed them. None of whom would make eye contact with me and it was then I realized I had no more allies.

I wondered how much worse this could get.