Decisions, Decisions

By the time we arrived home I had calmed down but wanted to be left alone. My parents kept trying to get me to talk about what happened, but I was able to hold their questions off and retired to my room. I laid in bed thinking that maybe there WAS some truth in what the Dr. said. Especially if the VP basically said the same thing. Deciding to take a better look myself, I opened my closet and began going through my clothes. I sorted them into 2 piles. 1 pile was just 'hanging out' clothes, and the other was clothes that I wore to school.

Finally, once I had a huge pile of skirts and dresses that were in the 'school' pile, I began sifting through those separating them into different piles. Things I thought were too short or too fitting I threw into a pile and what was left I put back into my closet.

I stood back and noticed that once I separated them, there really weren't many skirts and dresses left. I gathered up the too short/too fitting items, got a trash bag from the kitchen and threw them all away. My mom stopped me while I was coming out of the garage and asked what I was doing.

"Mom,... I really don't want to talk about it. I just want to be left alone" passing her and making my way back into my bedroom

She followed, "J! Wait a minute! I want to talk to you!"

"MOM! Please!! I don't want to talk about it right now!"

"I'm sorry you don't want to talk about it right now, but you're going to anyway! Something had you really upset at the Dr's office today and I want to know what's going on!"

We were back in my bedroom and I blocked her from entering. "Mom.. please.." I pleaded, but it was no use. She wasn't going to leave.

"J, for the past year and a half you've being going through some things you didn't want to talk about and it only got worse! Now, I know it's probably embarrassing, but I want you to talk to me. Starting now. Starting with what happened at the office today and ending with what you were throwing away"

I paused, wondering if it was worth arguing over, since I knew I was going to lose the battle anyway... might as well stop fighting it and just tell her what she wanted to know.

I stepped away from the door making way for her to enter completely as I took a seat on my bed. She sat down next to me, put her arm around me and I knew it was my que to start explaining. I told her about all of my sessions, how I thought things were going O.K. until that day. I told her about the comments the Dr. made, how they closely resembled what the VP had said and I eventually told her about me purging my closet. Throwing away any and all skirts. She let me talk without interruption at full length. When I was finally done, I just hung my head and held my breath. It wasn't that I was afraid of her, I was just ashamed.

"J. First, let me say that no matter what ANYONE says, it wasn't your fault. No matter what you wore or didn't wear, his actions are not excusable. There is no fault to be had, except for him. HE did this! You didn't! Even if you were to go to school EVERY SINGLE DAY completely naked, he still had NO right to do what he did. And for the VP and the bus driver, well.. I wanted to talk to you about that. Your Father and I have talked and we know what we want to do, however, you are the victim here. You are the one that will have to continue going to this school when everything is all said and done. So, how we proceed is your decision."

"What do you mean it's my decision? What's my decision"

"Well.. we want to go after both of them for putting you in danger, for allowing it to continue even though you complained. For the bus driver who obviously knew what was going on and did nothing to help... actually, he did just the opposite. For him kicking you and Vanessa off the bus though it wasn't your stop. For all the things that happened to you. We want to press charges on O'Neil. He's 16, he's too old to be in 7th grade. There are so many things that went wrong and we're leaving it up to you how you want to handle it. Do YOU want to go after them? Press charges, all of that?"

"Well.. what's my other option?"

"To just let it go and not press charges. You should know by now what WE want to do, but... it's up to you. I know this will be a very difficult decision, but you need to make the one that is best for you. I can't promise your life at school will be O.K. if we go after the VP, the bus driver and O'Neil. But I can promise you that we will be behind you no matter what you decide."

"Can I think about it?"

"Sure, just don't take too long. If we are going to do something about this.. we can't wait very long" With that, she stood up and walked to the door and looked back "Oh and get those clothes out of the trash and back into your closet. I spent good money on those clothes and there's nothing wrong with them. Don't stop wearing them because of what others say, only stop wearing them when YOU want to. I personally picked them all out and I know they aren't considered provocative or slutty or whatever else. I would never let you walk out of this house looking like a tramp and you should know that."

"K, Mom and thanks."

She turned and shut my door behind her. I had a lot of thinking to do and a short amount of time to do it in.