Ok.. so who has ever used the expression "God! I want to slap the shit out of you!!"??
It's an expression, right? Yea, thats what I thought too.
Let me explain first. So, finally after a few years my bro and his wife have finally decided to sit down with my parents and talk things out. Of course, just like last time, I wasn't 'allowed' to join. They met at a local park earlier today and, as far as what my parents said, everything is fine between them all now.
I asked my mom to ask my brothers wife WHY she doesn't like me. She said it's not that she doesn't like me, it's that she's not comfortable around me. When asked why, she said my brother showed her a text or whatever where I said I wanted to slap the shit out of her. Apparently my brother didn't show her the WHOLE conversation and now she says she's afraid to be around me b/c I might do her physical harm. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!
The whole conversation that she DIDN'T get to see was about 1 day when I went over to her house to pick up something and my brother was at work. She was pregnant with my youngest neice, and she's going on and on about how she can't even afford to buy diapers or anything else for the baby b/c my brother won't stop spending. How b/c of his spending, their baby won't have anything, blah blah blah. So when I get home, I send my bro. a msg and tell him what she said and that she pissed me off. She should know better than to talk shit about someone to their own family member and how I wanted to slap the shit out of her for talking bad about him. But apparently she didn't see any of that.
So my parents come back from their meeting today and is all.. you need to be the bigger person and move on from the past. She doesn't remember saying any of the things she said to you in the past and well.. since she's bipolar, thats 1 of the side effects. She can't help it.. you have a choice. You can either move on or hold a grudge and not see your brother.
How fair is that?? So just b/c she CLAIMS she hasn't said shit to me, I'm supposed to just deal with it? Oh.. BUT she can remember all this shit (she made up in her head) that I've done to her, but she can't remember a single thing she's done to me and I'm supposed to just 'DEAL'? Am supposed to just 'move on'? How can I even DO that when I haven't even been given the chance to talk things out with her? Why is it that it was O.K. for my parents to hold shit against her until they talked it all out, but I'm not given that chance and just have to do it? I don't think so.
My parents can't understand why I'm so mad. My mom basically called me a bitch today when I got mad at what she told me. I had asked my mom to address some things that his wife has said/done to me on my behave, but did she? No. My mom said she didn't want it to feel like they were ganging up on her. WHAT. THE. FUCK. EVER. How can you clear the air when you can't even talk about the shit that's making everything bad?? UGGHHH
Anyway, my mom asked her to sit down with me and talk, she said no, she wasn't comfortable doing that. But my mom tells me I need to email her. WTF FOR?! She doesn't to talk to me, I'm fine with that. I don't like and never will. She won't apologize for the shit from the past b/c 'she can't remember doing that'... so how can I move on? I know I'm probably being stubborn but fuck.... she needs to take responsibility for her actions, whether she remembers them or not... that's not my problem. Her mental illness isn't my problem. What comes out of her mouth sometimes is offensive and I shouldn't have to just turn the other cheek b/c she can't control her mouth.
Am I wrong? Should I contact her?? I need advice people. B/c apparently talking to my parents isn't doing any good. I'm serious when I say I wish I could just get in my car and leave. Move away and not be bothered with ANY of them ever again. I'm over it. I'm over being the 1 getting blamed for everything. I'm over being told I need to be the bigger person and forgive and forget. I guess my feelings don't fucking count in this fucking family.
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10 comments:
Seriously???????? I am a firm believer we choose our friends but not our family so therefore our family does not just get to bowl us over without any consequences.
I would NOT email or make the first move what so ever. I am on your side.
I think it is bs how families always coddle the one that is wrong & treat the one who has done nothing wrong like crap.
If you do not care about maintaining a relationship with your brother since he is a pussy with his wife (i said it before) then i just wouldn't worry about it right now. Nothing will change. She is psychotic.
Seriously not comfortable talking to you but you have to email her? F*** her & next time your mom says you have to be the bigger person tell her the bigger person walked out the door. That you are tired of being treated like shit while she gets coddled because she cuts people off. That it is not fair to you & you won't play the game anymore.
Ya you may miss out a bit with your nieces but it isn't your fault, not much you can do about it, every time she doesn't like something you say or do she is going to cut you out anyways so you will always be a yo-yo aunt to them.
When they are older you can explain things to them, hopefully they will see how crazy their mother is & know you tried.
What else can ya do? Bow to her every time she thinks you should? Ya, don't think so.
See.. that's how I feel. But when I try to explain it to my parents (especially my mom) she gets all pissy and tells me I'm being a bitch for holding a grudge and that I need to grow up and learn to forgive and forget.
How can you forgive and forget when the person that has done things to you won't apologize b/c they 'can't remember doing that'?? Why should I just be like "oh.. ok.. you don't remember saying ___ and ____ and ____ to me.. it's ok. We can just move on and pretend none of this has happened." or "oh.. ok.. yea I'll take full blame for everything b/c you can't remember what you did to me, but remember everything you CLAIM I did to you.. it's fine. We can just start over".
Who does that? In ANY relationship?
Yes, a part of me wants my bro. back in my life, I'd like to get to know my neices.. but I'm still stuck on the part where I should make the 1st move. Where I should have to either move on or not without any apology.
Why should she get a free pass just b/c she's bipolar? That she wasn't on the right meds at that time and can't be held responsible for what she said.. how is that fair? I asked my mom that and she said it's just a part of being bipolar and I need to accept it. I don't think I should have to. I think my SIL should take some responsibility, whether she remembers or not. Am I wrong?
Your not being a bitch for holding a grudge. You are protecting yourself from people that are constantly trying to hurt you, what is wrong with that? How much do we have to let people beat us down before we say enough is enough?
I am bipolar, sorry but that is no excuse for bad behaviour, if her behaviour is that bad then maybe she should get help. It is as simple of that really.
You should tell your mom what i said (about the beating down & protecting yourself)
Just because she is your sil does not mean you have to put up with her treating you like shit & making you feel bad the rest of your life. Abuse is abuse no matter who or where it comes from.
Don't forget my gram never takes responsibility for anything either, she always think she does nothing wrong.
i think your mom is confusing bipolar with something else. She needs to look it up. Bipolar is extreme highs n lows, there is no way to blame behaviour on it unless you are crying alot or manic (racy thoughts). You can't blame anything but that on bipolar.
Look it up, print off the info you find n show it to her, highlight the parts that prove your point.
People never remember anything unless it is convenient for them, remember that. Unless you are like us...... i remember everything. That is why i am a bitch, i remember what people posted on fb months ago, so when they try to change their story, they are caught.
I know that it has taken her a long time to get the right meds ever since I've known her. However, even with that said, in the early years she wasn't this bad with the things she'd say. There were a few here and there, but it wasn't very often. Honestly, the only thing I can remember her saying to me back then was, right after they got married,that my brother has a family now and I don't need to come over as often.
It was about 2 yrs after that that she got pregnant with my 1st niece, she went off the meds during that pregnancy and was actually really pleasant to be around most of the time. Around the time my niece was about 1 1/2-2 yrs old is when she went back on meds and it all went to hell.. and has been since.
I just looked up bipolar, and the only thing I can find that mentions anything regarding my situation is when it talks about a hypomanic episode. During that, which can last from a few wks to a few months, the person may not be able to recall the events that look place during that time. Ok.. so I'll give her that one. She may not remember what she has said to me.. BUT how can she remember (or think she remembers) what I said to her during that time if she supposedly doesn't remember that period at all?? Convienent that she can't remember what she said to me, but remembers my replies to her?? Hmm...
That still doesn't excuse the things she says... whether she remembers or not. That, I believe, comes down to just being a bitch who can't control her mouth.
Like you, I can remember many things. I may not remember what I had for lunch 2 wks ago, or hell.. remember the reason why I walked into a room, but I sure rememeber when someone has said something offensive to me or has tried to feed me bullshit, even if it has been years and years ago. That's the shit I file away and let compile until I need it again.
She has to have something other than bipolar in order to have the symptoms you are describing, like borderline personality disorder or something.
TBH she is lieing, she would NOT remember what you said to her but yet not remember what she said to you. It is either both or nothing, there is no way it is the way she says. That is virtually impossible so you are right to call her bluff.
It is probably because you can smell bs a mile away. Do not back down, nor bother with her. Tell your mom abuse is abuse whether it is only words & you will not put up with it the rest of your life just cause she says to. Good luck dealin with your mom, these days she sounds like a real peach!
Yea.. she does have something else.. it's called "bitchiness" and from what I can tell.. it's running ramped throughtout the world lol.
Exactly!! It's just impossible to remember only the part. She can't remember when I did this or that to her that she claims I did, only that I did it. She can't remember the rest of the conversation, only what I said to her? Riiighhtt. Like she told my brother that I went off on her.. but can't seem to remember when, where or why? And the fact that she didn't tell my brother RIGHT THEN when it happened.. but instead brings it up years later? WTFE. If it bothers her so much now, how come it didn't before? I call BULLSHIT!
Trust me.. I would have lOVED to have gone off on her many times in the past, and if I had, I'd be the 1st to say that I did. Unfortunately, I never did.. well.. fortunately for her anyway lol.
Yea, lately my mom's been pretty bitchy. The other day I finally sat her down and was like 'what's up?? Why are you always in a bad mood lately?' We talked it out, things are getting better, however, this whole situation with my bro and SIL doesn't help. She feels like she's stuck having to choose between them and me... though I have told her many times that's not what I'm doing or asking. But I can kind of see how she may feel that way. I don't want to be around my SIL cus I can't stand her. So when I knew they were going to come over, I'd try to make other plans and that wouldn't sit well with my mom. She would want the whole family together.
I talked to my mom earlier and told her no.. I wasn't going to email my SIL. I'm still really mad and I can't promise that I wouldn't get pissed off and say something rude. So my mom said that the next time they come over, she'll tell my SIL that her and I need to sit down and talk b/c until then, this isn't resolved even though my parents and them are cool now.
So I guess I'll just see. Until then, you best believe I'm gonna make a damn list of all the shit she's said to me to give her examples of why I don't like her. I'm also going to have my bro. sit in and explain about the text he showed her just so she can't be like.. ohh well your bro said this and that and he won't be there to clear shit up. And I will also be able to confront him too.
But until that happens, I'm not communicating with her at all. She wants to talk.. she knows how to find me, I'm not going to be the 1st to email or call or text or anything. Stubborn, maybe.. tired of the BS.. DEFINITELY!!
Thanks for reading and giving me advice. :)
Your welcome chicky. Glad you are sticking to your guns. Good luck!!! How did he get with such a bsc(bat shit crazy) woman anyways?
When they 1st met either she had her meds right, or she was going thru a manic phase cus she was all happy, hyper and funny. His friends liked her b/c she liked to go out to the bars or clubs or whatever. (Plus, I think it helped that at that time she always had an endless supply of weed and his friends were potheads haha.. well shit.. I can't say much I smoked some of hers too lol) Anyway, she was this really fun chick.
They didn't date long before getting engaged then married. I think that by the time they were married they had been together no longer than about 18 months from just meeting to married. Maybe to others that doesn't sound short, but to me it does. Can you imagine?? Only dating like 8 months and getting engaged?? Uhh no way! You don't even really know the person yet!
And like I said, she was pretty cool for a while.. I mean yea she had her moments of being a bitch, but who doesn't? I dk.. maybe getting pregnant totally fucked her up mentally with all the hormone changes or something and the meds no longer worked?? I have no idea, but that was definitely when things changed. OR maybe it was then that she was comfortable enough around us that we finally saw her true colors?? Who knows...
that is short to me too, we got engaged after being together 4 years. Will be 5.5 years when we get married.
pregnancy can change people, that it can, hormones are not fun.
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