Farewell

***Warning! Long post since I haven't posted anything in a while.. hope you don't mind!*** :)

The next morning at school I asked Amy about having Johnny pick her up and spending the day at my house on Sat. Of course, she was all for it! Spending time alone with Tony?? She said she'd walk there if she had to.

The rest of the week dragged on and finally Friday arrived. As the final bell rang releasing school and I darted for the door, I yelled a promise to Amy that I'd call her later after I spoke to Johnny to confirm the plans. She returned an excited smile as I dashed outside and into my mom's car.

"What are you so happy about today, J?" My mom asked as I jumped in.

"Nothing. Just glad it's Friday is all."

"I'm surprised. I figured you'd be at least a little upset that tonight is your brother's last night with us."

That comment instantly made me lose the excitement for the weekend. Throughout the whole week I couldn't wait for the weekend because that meant I'd be spending time with Johnny, but I had completely forgotten about my brother. Now I was feeling sad and depressed.. because my brother was leaving and even more so because I had totally forgotten that tonight was the last night I'd see him for a while.

We drove the rest of the way home in silence. How could I have been so thoughtless? How could I have been so self-centered and selfish?

When we finally arrived home, my Dad and brother were already there getting things ready for a cook-out. There were a stack of movies sitting by the TV and some board games on the coffee table. Apparently they had already planned the whole evening.

I set my things down in my bedroom and joined everyone else on the back patio. When the food was finished, we grabbed our plates and headed back inside to watch a movie. The evening was spent stuffing our faces, watching movies, playing monopoly and retelling funny stories of things my brother and I did when we were little. The night couldn't have been any better, however there was a weight in the room. We all knew that this was the last time we'd have a night like this for a very long time, if ever. As of that night, our family dynamics were going to change in a huge way. The later it got, the more emotional everyone got.

My brother excused himself so he could finish packing. My parent's started to clean up and I followed my brother into his room. He was stuffing more things into a duffle bag so I flopped on his bed and watched for a long time without saying anything. When I finally drew in a breath to speak, he cut me off..

"Don't say it J." He said with his back towards me while he rummaged through some more drawers.

"Don't say what?"

"You know..."

I sat up, "Nooo.. I don't. What? What don't you want me to say?"

"Don't get all mushy on me. Don't start crying. Don't say something that will make me feel bad about leaving 'cus I'm already feeling bad"

I didn't say anything for a few minutes. I just sat there trying to think of something TO say that didn't fall in any of those categories. Instead of saying anything, I just walked up behind him and hugged him. He didn't turn around.. he didn't say anything either, he just put his arms on mine. I heard the phone ring, but didn't even move to go answer it. I really didn't care who it was right then. But a minute later I heard my mom yell that the phone was for me... which came at the right time because I felt tears forming and I didn't want to cry in front of my brother.

I let go of my brother and walked out, trying to pretend I wasn't crying. I took the phone call in my room and once I heard my mom hang the other line up, I said hello.

"Hey" It was Johnny. Such a way with words...

"Hey" I said, trying to make sure my voice didn't sound like I was upset... it didn't work.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing" Good thing about guys, when you say nothing.. they usually drop it.

"So... we still on for tomorrow? Tony's definately coming. Am I picking Amy up?"

I filled him in on the time, when and where to pick up Amy and got off the phone shortly after. As I hung up and got ready to call Amy, I realized I just wasn't as excited as I had been before. I tried to push the sadness away for the time being and called Amy.

Of course, she was excited. REALLLYY excited. I listened to her go on and on about how excited she was, what she was going to wear and everything else in between. I had to interupt her a few times to make sure she understood that they could NOT have sex in any of the bedrooms since that's what she was insinuating she wanted to do. I let her ramble on for awhile then got off the phone. I wanted to spend a little more time with my family before the night was over.

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My mom woke me up around 6am the next morning. I definately was suffering from an emotional hangover and felt like crap but I drug my body out of bed anyway. We all sat down and had a quick breakfast before packing my brother's things in the car.

I couldn't help it. When it was time to say goodbye, I broke down and cried. Cried like a baby. Cried like I was never going to see him again, though he'd be back for a week or two after he completed basic training. I kept hugging him and crying. I could tell by the look in his eye that a part of him didn't want to leave, but he was going to anyway.

Finally my dad pulled me away and said they had to go if they were going to make it in time. I stayed out on the porch and waved until they drove out of sight. I went back inside, grabbed my pack of cigarettes and sat back on the porch for hours just smoking. Around 9:30am the phone rang and it was Amy asking if I was ready yet. I couldn't believe I had sat out there so long and rushed to get off the phone to get ready. The guys were picking her up at 10:30 and I still had to shower. She said she'd call when she was leaving her house and we hung up. I ran around like a crazy person trying to get ready and find something 'cute' to wear. I finally decided on a pair of overalls and a tiny t-shirt. (don't laugh.. it was the early 90's.. it was in style then! lol)

Just as I was putting the finishing details of make-up on, my phone rang again. It was Amy and she was leaving her house. They would be here in less than 20 min. I hung up the phone and tried to calm my nerves. My heart was beating a mile a minute and I felt like I was going to hyper-ventilate. Grabbing my cigarettes again, I headed outside. I smoke 2 more cigarettes and went back inside and paced. I tried to calm down but nothing helped. Just as I looked at the clock and knew that they would be arriving any minute, I heard a car pull into the driveway and honk.

I swung open the door just as they were walking up. Johnny came up and gave me a big hug and kiss. Of course I returned the kiss, but tried to play it down some in front of everyone else. Tony had his arm drapped over Amy's shoulders while he whispered something in her ear and she giggled. I led them into the house and we all found a seat. Right away Amy and Tony started making out on the couch and Johnny asked for a tour. Not that my house was all that big.. just a standard 3 bedroom/2 bed house with a living room, family room, dinning room and kitchen, 2 car garage. That's it. Nothing special.. not even a 2 story house.

I gave him a quick tour, showing him my brother's room, the bathroom and my bedroom first and tried to quickly walk through to the rest of the house so we could end the tour back with Amy and Tony. However, Johnny had other plans. He grabbed my hand and led me back to my bedroom; closing the door behind me, pulling me towards him and started kissing me. I felt his hands begin to wonder down lower and lower to rub my ass. I didn't pull away or try to move his hand thinking he'd be happy with that. I was wrong. His other hand slid down to move under my shirt. When I felt his hand make contact with my bra and still try to go under that, I gently pushed his hand down. He made sort of a unhappy grunt and slid his hand back up. His other hand left my ass and began to undo the straps of my overalls. When he got one off and moved on to the second one, I would go and connect the other again. We did this back and forth for a few minutes. I tried to giggle a little, acting like I was being playful though I told him no a few times.

At first he seemed to be okay with it, then his face changed. He went from half smiling to having an angry look on his face. I knew that face and I went to step back. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me onto the bed. I was so shocked I just laid there for a second before trying to get back up. He pushed me down again, saying nothing. He didn't need to, his face said it all. As I was laying on my back on my bed, he leaned over me, pinning my legs with his and stared at me as if daring me to try to get up again. I stared back at him, meeting his angry eyes and squirmed under his weight.

The phone started ringing and I let it ring a few times before speaking.

"I need to get that in case it's my parents"

He still didn't say anything but he let me get up and answer the phone. It WAS my parents. They were calling to say they just saw my brother off and were on their way to the wedding. Johnny was standing in front of me still as I sat on the bed, but he wasn't close enough to hear the conversation, only my side. My mom filled me in on my brother's departure and told me again that they wouldn't be home until after 7pm. We said our goodbyes and when I heard her side of the phone click, letting me know she had hung up, I said into the reciever:

"O.K... well.. I'll see you soon then. How soon do you think you'll be here?"

Pause...

"Wow.. that soon. O.K. well see you in about 20 minutes then. Bye"

And I hung up the phone and looked at Johnny. He had a quizative look on his face, as if he didn't completely believe me, but I didn't care.

"Looks like they aren't going to the wedding. My mom's not up for it now... they'll be here in about 20 minutes."

I just sat there and looked at him as he stared a hole through my head. He took a few steps back to let me stand, and when I did he grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me.

"No one tells me no! NO ONE!"

My head flopped back and forth like a ragdoll. He shook me some more then let go. I fell back onto the bed as he stormed out.

"TONY! WE'RE LEAVING! NOW!" Johnny roared as he entered the livingroom and went straight for the door. I was coming out of my bedroom as I saw Johnny swing open the front door and storm to his car. Amy looked at me and asked what happened.. I told her I'd tell her later and that they better go before Johnny leaves without them. With a promise to call me as soon as she got home, her and Tony sprinted for the car. Johnny had already had it started and was backing out when they made it to the driveway. Amy waved goodbye and jumped in.

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About 4pm Amy called to find out what had happened. Saying Johnny drove like an idiot all the way back to her house in silence. Tony had asked him a few times what had happened and why he was so mad but he wouldn't answer. Amy sat in silence and prayed she made it home without any accidents.

I was in the middle of explaining what had happened when my phone beeped. Thinking it might be my parents, I told her I'd call her back and switched over to the other line. As soon as I answered, I heard Johnny's booming voice yelling...

"Don't you EVER tell me no again! If you do.. you will regret it! The next time your parents see you will be when you're sitting in a hospital room! Do you understand!!?"

Very quietly I said "Okay."

"WHAT?"

"I said O.k."

"Is that all you have to say???"

"Umm.. I'm sorry?"

"I can't talk to you right now. I'm still pissed off. I'm going to call you either later tonight or tomorrow and you better answer the phone! Remember.. I know where you live now!" he yelled and hung up.

I sat on the floor and wondered.. what in the hell had I gotten myself into.. and how do I get myself out of it? Did I really want to get out of it... didn't I?