Well, I finally broke down and made a Dr.'s appointment for tomorrow (today if you're reading this Fri). I just can't take the pain anymore. Some days are better than others.. but it's not actually better so I'm going.
Lately I've been feeling.. Idk just blah. Like.. I'll cry at the drop of a hat blah. I feel like I'm slipping into depression but Idk why. I've never been depressed before. I've been sad/depressed when a family member has died.. or when my dog died, but that's understandable. Idk if it's b/c of being in so much pain.. if that is making me feel this way or not.
Let me first say that I'm NOT suicidal AT ALLLLL.. but there are times where I honestly just sit and think.. 'hmmm.. life would be so much easier if I wasn't here". I don't think about over-dosing on pills, or cutting myself or anything like that. Just think about not being around anymore. I would not.. COULD not ever commit suicide. EVER. But some days I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't mean like I want to leave this town and start fresh somewhere else. I mean gone. POOF! See ya on the other side...
Fucked up to say.. but sometimes I wish I'd have like a massive heart attack and just go. Least then my family wouldn't be as upset as if I had done it to myself. It was medical.. nothing anyone could do. But I wouldn't want my family to suffer.. to hurt b/c I died. I know my mom and I don't get along some (alot) of the time, but I don't want her to hurt. Or my dad. My brother?? Eh.. I'm sure he'd be sad but I don't think it would linger with him like it would my parents or grandparents. I don't want that for them.. so.. here I am.. sad. Sad and crying......
There are days when I feel like a complete loser... like recently. Every. Single. Day. That I have failed in every way managable in my life. I'll be 34 yrs old this yr and I've never been married, never had kids.. hell I've never even really been in love!!! How pathetic is THAT?! I have resigned myself into believing that I will end up alone.... and that makes me sad. Just add another thing to the list......
I feel like my life is going nowhere. That I'm wasting my time in school and I don't even want to be there... which is true.. I don't.
It's almost like I have a little voice inside my head going down the list of reasons why I'm worthless. (No.. I don't actually HEAR voice.) But it's just IN there.. going.. 'well.. you failed at this.. you failed at that.. no one wants you.. never really has.. you're pathetic... you can't do anything right..' etc. etc.. etc..
As I'm writing this, I'm crying and I don't even know wtf I'm crying about!! UGH! I know it's not hormonal so it has to be the pain, right?? Right?!?!?
If this is what pain does to ppl.. now I honestly understand why some ppl have done the medically induced suicides. I could never understand it before, but if I had to live like this for YEEARRASS, like my Uncle did, then yea.. I'd probably consider it too. And I'm sure my pain is nothing compared to a cancer patient, or some other really sad and horrible disease.
It really does suck.
Big Time.
I'm gonna go cry in bed now.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Catching Up
O.K.. so this is gonna be another long post. Sorry! (or you're welcome.. depends on how you look at it lol) And this is only 1 part of the catching up I have to do lol. I'll post again soon.. PROMISE! (if you care anyway)
So my parents had met with my bro and BIL awhile back and it ended on a good note. So for Easter, my mom decided to make my nieces little Easter baskets. She called my bro and asked if he could swing by on that Fri to pick them up. He said he was about to call to ask dad if he'd like to go to a gun show on Sat. cus he was in the market for a new gun (Yes.. we are a gun loving family lol) and also, BIL was planning on coming over on Easter Sunday.
News to us!! She has NEVER made any attempt to come over. We've ALWAYS been the ones asking, but my mom had given up and honestly didn't even want to bother with her. She just wanted the girls to have the Easter baskets. Anyhow.... mom told him dad was interested in going to gun show and to let her know for sure about Sunday.
As soon as I heard that.. immediately my chest got tight, my blood pressure rose and I squinted my eyes, as I often do when I'm starting to get really pissed. I did not want to deal with this bitch. I mentally ran thru a dozen ways to get out of seeing them. I knew I would be expected to be nice to BIL and I was over that. I shouldn't HAVE to be nice to ANYONE who's done and said the things she has to me. My mom knew that look though. That look of "oh HELL no" on my face.
She waited a bit before talking to me about it, which I appreciate b/c we both know how I get when I'm pissed and start thinking of BIL. However, my mom surprised me. She told me that no.. I don't have to be 'nice' to her. I can just avoid her the whole time. If she directly speaks to me, answer, but don't engage in conversation. If I give 1 word answers then leave the room, thats fine. If she starts her normal shit, I can say whatever. If BIL brings up that she wants to speak to me about the past and whatever else, to take her either outside if everyone is inside or vice versa, but to also have my dad there as a witness. That way nothing I do or do not say can be mixed up later... and also.. if my tempter starts to get the better of me, my dad will at least be level-headed enough to tell me to walk away before I hit her. (they know me wwaaayy too well lol).
To say the day went well is an understatement. I tried to avoid BIL as much as possible. For the 1st hr. they were here, she didn't even know I was there. I heard her ask my mom if I was, cus she wanted to say hi... my mom told her I was out back smoking. She came out anyway, sat down across from me while I was playing on my laptop, and was all "hi!! How are you?!!?" I just stared at her for a min. before I answered. That surely wasn't what I had expected. I answered 'Fine, thanks." and went back to playing my game. She then started rambling on about.. oh I really dont know what cus I started to tune her out.. but whatever.
Then she started laying on the compliments. How nice my hair looked, how clear and smooth my skin was.. blah blah blah and she was talking a mile a min. I could tell she was nervous and I was enjoying watching her fidget. After about 15 min, sad to say, I forgot I was supposed to be ignoring her and ended up having a 30 min. conversation. It was nice. It was pleasant. It wasn't the same BIL that I have known for the last 13 yrs.
My parents told me that when they all met up a few months ago that she was different, but I didn't believe them. Said she was on some new pills and they were really working this time.. again.. didn't believe them. And I still wouldn't had I not seen it for myself. She wasn't rude, pushy, mouthy, nothing!! I was shocked. Now I'm not saying she's my new best friend. I'm not saying that I now look forward to being around her. All I'm saying is this time I didn't feel the need to rip off her face and shove it up her ass.
I hadn't seen my nieces since the older 1 (VAL) was 7 and the younger 1 (MEL) was 2. They are now 10 (will be 11 in July) and 5. When VAL was younger, she was kinda bratty and whiny and moody. I can't stand kids like that so I never really enjoyed being around her. Now though? I love it! She has a really cool sense of humor, we like the same music, some T.V. shows and we can giggle at the silliest things. I had so much fun with her that day. MEL tho.... ugh.. that child is crazy. I don't mean crazy in a hyper, funny kind of way. No.. she's like 10x's worse than VAL EVER was. The epitome of brat. I seriously wanted to yank her by her arm and spank her like 10 times that day. She throws fits when she doesn't get her way, she tattles on VAL if she won't give her something she was using cus MEL wants it and of course gets her way. She has to be the center of attention or she will start having a temper tantrum. She demands things instead of asking for them. I seriously wanted to smack her. I hope she grows out of it. I would really like to enjoy hanging with her too. She has a totally different personality than VAL does. VAL is a bookworm. She loves to draw (is quiet good at it. Her stuff has been on display at national book stores as well as local art shows), and is really mellow. She isn't the adventurist type, but hey.. neither am I. MEL.. that girl would jump feet first into a pit of rabid pythons just to see what would happen. (IS there such a thing as a rabid python?? idk) Girl has NO fear! She likes to get her hands dirty.. do 'boy' things like helping my bro. change the oil, work on cars, etc. So they've got the studious one and the tomboy lol. She would be much more fun if she just changed her attitude.. which I completely blame the parents for but whatever.
So yea.. Easter was great. Until later that night.
Since VAL is so afraid of dogs, we moved them into the office.. crates and all. After they left, mom was rearranging family room to make room for crates again while I went to get them from the spare bedroom. Our hallway and bedrooms have carpet, but the rest of the house has hardwood floors. I was carrying the 1st 45lb crate back into the family room.... wearing socks.. on a newly polished wooden floor. I had 1 foot on carpet.. put the other on the wood flooring.. and thats when I involuntarily became a contortionist. The right lower half of my body stayed still, the left side took a dive to the back, I lost balance of the crate which slammed my top half into the door frame and I ended up in this weird ass split like thing.. except my right foot never moved. So it was more like.. my right knee bent, helping me to fall, as my left leg slid behind me resulting in some fucked up form of a split while the 45lb crate shoved me like it was pissed at me into the wall. I sat there for a min like WTF just happened?? Then as, I was untangling myself I started laughing. I'm not the most graceful person EVER.. so falling isn't abnormal for me. My mom poked her head in and saw me under the crate and was like ...'umm.. J?? You O.K.?? I heard a yelp then a bang...' I'm laughing too hard to try to explain WTF just happened so I just tried to pick myself up. It didn't hurt, so I brushed it off.. (took my socks off) and went back for the other crate. Lesson learned! No socks on polished wood.
Then I woke up the next morning. Moving my legs caused a horrible piercing pain to shoot to my lower back. The kind of pain that takes your breath away and causes tears to form. After about 10 min. I was finally able to move again. I had to do this whole body roll deal. In 1 slow, smooth motion, as if I was being rolled to be put on a paramedic board, I rolled until I was close to the edge then did the same thing to get into a sitting position. Slowly I took the step forward to stand. Bad idea. I didn't even get 1/2 up when my lower back said "HAHAH bitch! I don't think so!!" and I feel back onto the bed. I grabbed my cell and called my mom.. who thankfully was home.. and asked her to come help me.
Since then, there are days when it's been O.K., there have been days when I dont think I could life my legs to even shuffle. I've had my friend, who is a masseuse and does house calls, to come a few times. After she leaves I feel good, but it doesn't last long. By the next morning I'm back to stiff again. It's now May 1st and the past few days have been the worst. I dont want to go back to the chiro b/c well.. it didn't feel like he was helping. But the pain is getting baaddd. So bad that the pain is now radiating towards the front of my body. My hips in the front now ache like crazy and hurt to be touched in anyway. Even to wear pants.. lower back hurts as well as front hips and my legs feel super weak. To stand, I have to have lean on something otherwise it just doesn't happen.... I fall.
I'd like to return my spine and exchange it for a new and improved one please. Thank you.
So my parents had met with my bro and BIL awhile back and it ended on a good note. So for Easter, my mom decided to make my nieces little Easter baskets. She called my bro and asked if he could swing by on that Fri to pick them up. He said he was about to call to ask dad if he'd like to go to a gun show on Sat. cus he was in the market for a new gun (Yes.. we are a gun loving family lol) and also, BIL was planning on coming over on Easter Sunday.
News to us!! She has NEVER made any attempt to come over. We've ALWAYS been the ones asking, but my mom had given up and honestly didn't even want to bother with her. She just wanted the girls to have the Easter baskets. Anyhow.... mom told him dad was interested in going to gun show and to let her know for sure about Sunday.
As soon as I heard that.. immediately my chest got tight, my blood pressure rose and I squinted my eyes, as I often do when I'm starting to get really pissed. I did not want to deal with this bitch. I mentally ran thru a dozen ways to get out of seeing them. I knew I would be expected to be nice to BIL and I was over that. I shouldn't HAVE to be nice to ANYONE who's done and said the things she has to me. My mom knew that look though. That look of "oh HELL no" on my face.
She waited a bit before talking to me about it, which I appreciate b/c we both know how I get when I'm pissed and start thinking of BIL. However, my mom surprised me. She told me that no.. I don't have to be 'nice' to her. I can just avoid her the whole time. If she directly speaks to me, answer, but don't engage in conversation. If I give 1 word answers then leave the room, thats fine. If she starts her normal shit, I can say whatever. If BIL brings up that she wants to speak to me about the past and whatever else, to take her either outside if everyone is inside or vice versa, but to also have my dad there as a witness. That way nothing I do or do not say can be mixed up later... and also.. if my tempter starts to get the better of me, my dad will at least be level-headed enough to tell me to walk away before I hit her. (they know me wwaaayy too well lol).
To say the day went well is an understatement. I tried to avoid BIL as much as possible. For the 1st hr. they were here, she didn't even know I was there. I heard her ask my mom if I was, cus she wanted to say hi... my mom told her I was out back smoking. She came out anyway, sat down across from me while I was playing on my laptop, and was all "hi!! How are you?!!?" I just stared at her for a min. before I answered. That surely wasn't what I had expected. I answered 'Fine, thanks." and went back to playing my game. She then started rambling on about.. oh I really dont know what cus I started to tune her out.. but whatever.
Then she started laying on the compliments. How nice my hair looked, how clear and smooth my skin was.. blah blah blah and she was talking a mile a min. I could tell she was nervous and I was enjoying watching her fidget. After about 15 min, sad to say, I forgot I was supposed to be ignoring her and ended up having a 30 min. conversation. It was nice. It was pleasant. It wasn't the same BIL that I have known for the last 13 yrs.
My parents told me that when they all met up a few months ago that she was different, but I didn't believe them. Said she was on some new pills and they were really working this time.. again.. didn't believe them. And I still wouldn't had I not seen it for myself. She wasn't rude, pushy, mouthy, nothing!! I was shocked. Now I'm not saying she's my new best friend. I'm not saying that I now look forward to being around her. All I'm saying is this time I didn't feel the need to rip off her face and shove it up her ass.
I hadn't seen my nieces since the older 1 (VAL) was 7 and the younger 1 (MEL) was 2. They are now 10 (will be 11 in July) and 5. When VAL was younger, she was kinda bratty and whiny and moody. I can't stand kids like that so I never really enjoyed being around her. Now though? I love it! She has a really cool sense of humor, we like the same music, some T.V. shows and we can giggle at the silliest things. I had so much fun with her that day. MEL tho.... ugh.. that child is crazy. I don't mean crazy in a hyper, funny kind of way. No.. she's like 10x's worse than VAL EVER was. The epitome of brat. I seriously wanted to yank her by her arm and spank her like 10 times that day. She throws fits when she doesn't get her way, she tattles on VAL if she won't give her something she was using cus MEL wants it and of course gets her way. She has to be the center of attention or she will start having a temper tantrum. She demands things instead of asking for them. I seriously wanted to smack her. I hope she grows out of it. I would really like to enjoy hanging with her too. She has a totally different personality than VAL does. VAL is a bookworm. She loves to draw (is quiet good at it. Her stuff has been on display at national book stores as well as local art shows), and is really mellow. She isn't the adventurist type, but hey.. neither am I. MEL.. that girl would jump feet first into a pit of rabid pythons just to see what would happen. (IS there such a thing as a rabid python?? idk) Girl has NO fear! She likes to get her hands dirty.. do 'boy' things like helping my bro. change the oil, work on cars, etc. So they've got the studious one and the tomboy lol. She would be much more fun if she just changed her attitude.. which I completely blame the parents for but whatever.
So yea.. Easter was great. Until later that night.
Since VAL is so afraid of dogs, we moved them into the office.. crates and all. After they left, mom was rearranging family room to make room for crates again while I went to get them from the spare bedroom. Our hallway and bedrooms have carpet, but the rest of the house has hardwood floors. I was carrying the 1st 45lb crate back into the family room.... wearing socks.. on a newly polished wooden floor. I had 1 foot on carpet.. put the other on the wood flooring.. and thats when I involuntarily became a contortionist. The right lower half of my body stayed still, the left side took a dive to the back, I lost balance of the crate which slammed my top half into the door frame and I ended up in this weird ass split like thing.. except my right foot never moved. So it was more like.. my right knee bent, helping me to fall, as my left leg slid behind me resulting in some fucked up form of a split while the 45lb crate shoved me like it was pissed at me into the wall. I sat there for a min like WTF just happened?? Then as, I was untangling myself I started laughing. I'm not the most graceful person EVER.. so falling isn't abnormal for me. My mom poked her head in and saw me under the crate and was like ...'umm.. J?? You O.K.?? I heard a yelp then a bang...' I'm laughing too hard to try to explain WTF just happened so I just tried to pick myself up. It didn't hurt, so I brushed it off.. (took my socks off) and went back for the other crate. Lesson learned! No socks on polished wood.
Then I woke up the next morning. Moving my legs caused a horrible piercing pain to shoot to my lower back. The kind of pain that takes your breath away and causes tears to form. After about 10 min. I was finally able to move again. I had to do this whole body roll deal. In 1 slow, smooth motion, as if I was being rolled to be put on a paramedic board, I rolled until I was close to the edge then did the same thing to get into a sitting position. Slowly I took the step forward to stand. Bad idea. I didn't even get 1/2 up when my lower back said "HAHAH bitch! I don't think so!!" and I feel back onto the bed. I grabbed my cell and called my mom.. who thankfully was home.. and asked her to come help me.
Since then, there are days when it's been O.K., there have been days when I dont think I could life my legs to even shuffle. I've had my friend, who is a masseuse and does house calls, to come a few times. After she leaves I feel good, but it doesn't last long. By the next morning I'm back to stiff again. It's now May 1st and the past few days have been the worst. I dont want to go back to the chiro b/c well.. it didn't feel like he was helping. But the pain is getting baaddd. So bad that the pain is now radiating towards the front of my body. My hips in the front now ache like crazy and hurt to be touched in anyway. Even to wear pants.. lower back hurts as well as front hips and my legs feel super weak. To stand, I have to have lean on something otherwise it just doesn't happen.... I fall.
I'd like to return my spine and exchange it for a new and improved one please. Thank you.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Decisions, Decisions....
If you read Past Lovers, then you'll know a little about this guy. There I call him The Trainer.. not to be confused with The Personal Trainer. 2 TOTALLY different guys in many ways...
Anyhow, if you don't read Past Lovers then I'll give you a little background on him. I originally met him thru my friend Angel back in 200 or 2001.. I can't remember. (and she was anything BUT an Angel.. crazy fucking bitch.. and NOT in a good way..another story for another time) Anyhow.. she had met him, went out with him once and they didn't click but she thought him and I would have better luck. So.. a few weeks later we arranged for him and I to meet at my place. Angel was there since she was the common denominator and he brought a friend along to meet her. Things turned out good and we were all pleased. (*side note, Angel and The Trainers friend only lasted 2 wks lol)
The Trainer and I swapped numbers and talked about getting together again... minus the others. For about 2 wks or so, we talked on the phone and online alot. We tried to make plans but neither schedules permitted. Finally we set a date for dinner and a movie for the following Friday night. Dinner was fun, movie was good and yes.. we eventually hooked up.
Now.. it's 10 yrs later. We've tried to have a 'relationship' throughout this whole time but every time things went bad. Most of the time it was b/c things would start being really good and he'd just disappear for days sometimes weeks and i'd never hear from him. Then he'd call me or IM me or text me whatever and act like nothing happened. I'd go off on him for it.. stop talking to him for awhile but I always seemed to come back. Things would be good for a while... go bad.. it was a cycle. 10 yrs of cycles but for whatever reason I kept coming back. We never actually had a real 'relationship' since the 1st try but we would hook up. During all of this he would tell me how much he cared for me, that I never really told him what I wanted so he really couldn't take all the blame. Which is true, I never actually sat down and told him how I felt or what I was expecting. He was under the assumption, after the 1st time we tried and failed, that I didn't want anything more than a friends with benefits type thing.
I'll admit.. I did use him whenever I wanted to get laid and I wasn't already seeing someone. I've always known that no matter when I'd text him and ask him if he was free.. no matter what he was doing, he would drop it and make time for me.
For the past year now, though I haven't seen him, we have talked on the phone, texted, and IMed more frequently. He's asked me to go away with him for a long weekend to this cabin he was going to rent. He's asked me to go on a cruise with him. Each time telling me I didn't have to pay for anything, it was all on his dime. Each time I declined. His schedule has been super busy, he's in college for pre-med and frankly.. I just hadn't wanted or needed to see him.
More recently, he's been giving me hypothetical situations or questions. Like.. if we were to move in together, where would I want to live? His current house or get a new one? Things like that. I wouldn't live in his house. It's old and in a part of town that I would NEVER live in. (lot of crime.. hell his car has been stolen 3 times since this past Dec.) I answer his questions honestly, as best I can.
Now... well.. I'm torn. He's been telling me again how much he likes me. How he feels that we are 'meant to be together' b/c we always come back to eachother. He gives me reasons why he feels that way and how I make him feel. Sometimes he won't even say much when he IM's me.. just a "I miss you, heard this song and it made me think of you" The latest song IM like that was just a few nights ago. The song was 'Where You Are' by Gavin Degraw. If you have never heard it, check it out on youtube. Try to get the 1 with lyrics on screen so you can read the words. It's a really beautiful song.
Again.. I'm torn. A part of me never in a million years thought I'd get serious with him. There's 1 big problem. He's black. I don't care.. obviously.. but my family will. OHHH it would be like World War 3 if I told them I was going to marry a black guy. Not only would my parents and brother freak, but my grandparents would too. Freak is an understatement but you get the picture. I know.. I know.. it's my life but would I.. AM I willing to lose pretty much my whole family for him? No. Sad, but true.
I just don't know what to do. I know what he wants. He doesn't just want friends with benefits. He doesn't want to just date. He wants to eventually get married and settle down. With ME.
It was him that showed me that a man doesn't have to be huge to satisfy. It was him that showed me that gentle sex can be good too. It was with him that I learned to like snuggling.
Ugh.. I just don't know what to do.
I agreed to have lunch with him this Wednesday. It's been forever since we've actually seen each other and hung out. I can't even remember when the last time was that when we were near each other that we weren't there just to have sex.. maybe it was back when I first met him? Idk. Will we run out of things to talk about being in person? Will it be awkward? I just don't know.. but I guess we'll find out. I hope he doesn't try to get all handsy with me.. cus I'd hate to have to knock him out in the middle of a restaurant lol
So.. what do yall think? Should I tell him we should only stay friends with benefits? Should we just be friends only? Should I see where it goes with him and cross the other bridges when they come? Opinions please!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Busy Busy
Lately I feel like I've been going, going, going none stop. I hate those days where you feel like you haven't gotten a chance to just sit and chill for a few minutes and before you know it, it's time for bed to just wake up and start all over the next day.
My dad had hand surgery a few wks ago. He tore the tendon in his finger and the surgeon 1st thought it was be a quick, simple procedure. However, when they got in they realized that the rip wasn't were they thought it was (in his pinky finger) but actually in the palm of his hand. They moved down to the palm to reattach the tendon to then find out that he had arthritis in his hand so bad that the tendons looked like spider webs. SO.. they had to take some from another part of his palm and put it where the tear was. He was in a cast for the 1st week. From fingertips to elbow. He started physical therapy 4 days after surgery and has to go twice a week for 7 wks. Once he finally got his stitches out they took off the cast and put on a brace that goes from fingertips to the middle of his arm. He can't take it off except to wash it twice a day, to do his exercises and to have it massaged to get the swelling to go down. Today he hit a milestone. He has finally learned how to shower and dress himself lol. My mom's greatful for that. It's pretty hard to do those things 1 handed. He still can't drive so 1 of us has to take him (her) and 1 of us has to pick him up (me or her) daily. Also, take him to his P.T. appointments. It isn't even my own arm and I can't wait for him to get out of the brace and be able to do more things.
Sat. was the last day of class for this semester. We get 2 wks off then go back. Here I thought having a Sat. class from 10-2pm was shitty. Ohhhh no.. next semester?? Another Sat. class, except this time it's from 9am-5pm. Jesus! That's 8 freakin' hours! WTF? I know I'm going to be asleep within the 1st 45 min. AND we have papers due every week! Ugh.. it's not even here yet and I'm already dreading it.
On to other news.. I've seen Bruce a few times since the last time and he STILL hasn't asked me out, called me to hang out or set a time for lunch. I have no idea if he really is interested or not. The other day we took my mom's car up there for an oil change and dropped it off. He wasn't there so I just assumed he wasn't working that day. When we went back to pick it up later, he was there. As we walked in to the front counter he was standing there..
Bruce: Hey! What are you doing here?
Me: Picking up her car.. she had an oil change done.
Bruce: Oh.. I didn't know her car was here. Let me get the paperwork.
He walks back a few minutes later and jokes around with me about the cost and other things. Is he flirting?? I can't tell. Maybe he's just a joker with everyone. Then he says something smartass and my mom goes.. ".. and which truck is his out there?" and I tell her which 1 it is. His boss was also standing there helping another customer and says.. "and how do you know which vehicle is his?" as he laughs. I look at Bruce before answering and his eyes go big.. he looks from me to his boss and back again. I chuckle and say 'well.. we've been here enough times the last few wks it wasn't hard to figure out'. I look back at Bruce and he looks relieved. Guess it ISN'T policy to pick up customers for their cars? lol
Finally we leave and have some errands to run before my mom has to pick my dad up from work. I meet her at Target down the street and when we get there, she tells me that her oil light is still on.. they never reset it. We go inside and I call the shop and ask to talk to him. He gets on and I tell him the deal and ask when I can bring it back.. I say in 1/2 hr, he says 'but i'll be at lunch then. I mean.. you can bring it back any time... whatever is good for you'. So I agree that I'll wait for him to get back. I get there and another shop guy meets me in the parking lot, guess he was waiting for me. He jumps in and resets it real fast.. took all of 60 seconds.. and tells me I'm good to go. I never even got the chance to see Bruce. As I'm trying to back out of the spot, I see him walk behind by car by 1 of the bays. I roll down the passenger window and say "hey! You better watch it! You're gonna get run over"
Him: 'WHAT?' as he walks over to my passenger winder and leans in
Me: 'I saaaiiddd... watch it or you're gonna get run over" (as I laugh)
He says something smart ass, we both laugh and I leave. About 4 hrs later I was out to dinner and didn't hear my phone ring at first. Thought I did.. but wasn't sure. I checked it a few min. later and I had a missed call and a vmail. I listened to the vmail and all he said was 'hey j, it's Bruce. I have a quick question for you, could you please call me back at 407-....." Of course it was the shops number, and I won't lie.. I got my hopes up. I called back, he eventually got on the phone.
Me: "hey.. it's J. What's up?"
Bruce: 'Oh hey! One of my guys lost his flashlight, he thinks he left it in your moms car... did you happen to see it? It's kinda big and expensive and he's freaking out"
Me: 'No. I'm sorry, I didn't see it and I'm not in that car or at home at the moment but I can check when I get home if that's O.K?'
Bruce: "Sure... of course. Thanks.."
Me: "Anything else?"
Bruce: 'Nope. that was it."
There was a long pause until I finally broke it.
Me: 'Oh. O.k. then.. I'll talk to you later. I"ll call you if I find it"
Bruce: "O.K... thanks. Bye"
And we hang up. That was it. Nothing more. WTF?!?!? UGH! This is driving me crazy!! SO! I've got a plan. It isn't so much as a plan but more of a straight forward approach. My mom needs new shocks and soon. He called around and is getting them at a good price and will give her a BOGO if she goes there. My 'plan' is.. the next time I see him (provided my mom isn't standing within 8ft of me) I'm gonna ask him straight up if he's single.. if he says yes, I'm just gonna straight out ask him if he'll meet for dinner or lunch some time. I will get an actual answer from him this time.. if he says yes, I'll ask for his number and try to set it up right then. No more waiting around for him to call or for him to ask. I want a yes or a no so I can find out how to proceed. If he's got a girl.. fine.. no biggie. I'll still do business there. I hate games.. I hate that whole 'wait around and see if he calls' bullshit.
Thats my plan and I'm sticking to it! :)
My dad had hand surgery a few wks ago. He tore the tendon in his finger and the surgeon 1st thought it was be a quick, simple procedure. However, when they got in they realized that the rip wasn't were they thought it was (in his pinky finger) but actually in the palm of his hand. They moved down to the palm to reattach the tendon to then find out that he had arthritis in his hand so bad that the tendons looked like spider webs. SO.. they had to take some from another part of his palm and put it where the tear was. He was in a cast for the 1st week. From fingertips to elbow. He started physical therapy 4 days after surgery and has to go twice a week for 7 wks. Once he finally got his stitches out they took off the cast and put on a brace that goes from fingertips to the middle of his arm. He can't take it off except to wash it twice a day, to do his exercises and to have it massaged to get the swelling to go down. Today he hit a milestone. He has finally learned how to shower and dress himself lol. My mom's greatful for that. It's pretty hard to do those things 1 handed. He still can't drive so 1 of us has to take him (her) and 1 of us has to pick him up (me or her) daily. Also, take him to his P.T. appointments. It isn't even my own arm and I can't wait for him to get out of the brace and be able to do more things.
Sat. was the last day of class for this semester. We get 2 wks off then go back. Here I thought having a Sat. class from 10-2pm was shitty. Ohhhh no.. next semester?? Another Sat. class, except this time it's from 9am-5pm. Jesus! That's 8 freakin' hours! WTF? I know I'm going to be asleep within the 1st 45 min. AND we have papers due every week! Ugh.. it's not even here yet and I'm already dreading it.
On to other news.. I've seen Bruce a few times since the last time and he STILL hasn't asked me out, called me to hang out or set a time for lunch. I have no idea if he really is interested or not. The other day we took my mom's car up there for an oil change and dropped it off. He wasn't there so I just assumed he wasn't working that day. When we went back to pick it up later, he was there. As we walked in to the front counter he was standing there..
Bruce: Hey! What are you doing here?
Me: Picking up her car.. she had an oil change done.
Bruce: Oh.. I didn't know her car was here. Let me get the paperwork.
He walks back a few minutes later and jokes around with me about the cost and other things. Is he flirting?? I can't tell. Maybe he's just a joker with everyone. Then he says something smartass and my mom goes.. ".. and which truck is his out there?" and I tell her which 1 it is. His boss was also standing there helping another customer and says.. "and how do you know which vehicle is his?" as he laughs. I look at Bruce before answering and his eyes go big.. he looks from me to his boss and back again. I chuckle and say 'well.. we've been here enough times the last few wks it wasn't hard to figure out'. I look back at Bruce and he looks relieved. Guess it ISN'T policy to pick up customers for their cars? lol
Finally we leave and have some errands to run before my mom has to pick my dad up from work. I meet her at Target down the street and when we get there, she tells me that her oil light is still on.. they never reset it. We go inside and I call the shop and ask to talk to him. He gets on and I tell him the deal and ask when I can bring it back.. I say in 1/2 hr, he says 'but i'll be at lunch then. I mean.. you can bring it back any time... whatever is good for you'. So I agree that I'll wait for him to get back. I get there and another shop guy meets me in the parking lot, guess he was waiting for me. He jumps in and resets it real fast.. took all of 60 seconds.. and tells me I'm good to go. I never even got the chance to see Bruce. As I'm trying to back out of the spot, I see him walk behind by car by 1 of the bays. I roll down the passenger window and say "hey! You better watch it! You're gonna get run over"
Him: 'WHAT?' as he walks over to my passenger winder and leans in
Me: 'I saaaiiddd... watch it or you're gonna get run over" (as I laugh)
He says something smart ass, we both laugh and I leave. About 4 hrs later I was out to dinner and didn't hear my phone ring at first. Thought I did.. but wasn't sure. I checked it a few min. later and I had a missed call and a vmail. I listened to the vmail and all he said was 'hey j, it's Bruce. I have a quick question for you, could you please call me back at 407-....." Of course it was the shops number, and I won't lie.. I got my hopes up. I called back, he eventually got on the phone.
Me: "hey.. it's J. What's up?"
Bruce: 'Oh hey! One of my guys lost his flashlight, he thinks he left it in your moms car... did you happen to see it? It's kinda big and expensive and he's freaking out"
Me: 'No. I'm sorry, I didn't see it and I'm not in that car or at home at the moment but I can check when I get home if that's O.K?'
Bruce: "Sure... of course. Thanks.."
Me: "Anything else?"
Bruce: 'Nope. that was it."
There was a long pause until I finally broke it.
Me: 'Oh. O.k. then.. I'll talk to you later. I"ll call you if I find it"
Bruce: "O.K... thanks. Bye"
And we hang up. That was it. Nothing more. WTF?!?!? UGH! This is driving me crazy!! SO! I've got a plan. It isn't so much as a plan but more of a straight forward approach. My mom needs new shocks and soon. He called around and is getting them at a good price and will give her a BOGO if she goes there. My 'plan' is.. the next time I see him (provided my mom isn't standing within 8ft of me) I'm gonna ask him straight up if he's single.. if he says yes, I'm just gonna straight out ask him if he'll meet for dinner or lunch some time. I will get an actual answer from him this time.. if he says yes, I'll ask for his number and try to set it up right then. No more waiting around for him to call or for him to ask. I want a yes or a no so I can find out how to proceed. If he's got a girl.. fine.. no biggie. I'll still do business there. I hate games.. I hate that whole 'wait around and see if he calls' bullshit.
Thats my plan and I'm sticking to it! :)
Friday, March 9, 2012
Car Repairs
Let me start off saying I kinda hate my car. I loved it when I 1st bought it.. for like 2 months. Then things just kept being wrong with it. Just stupid shit, but expensive to repair b/c it didn't fall under the warranty.
It's technically an 'old' car. It's a 1999 Kia Sportage soft top. In some ways it's really cool.. but expense wise.. it really sucks. It looks just like the 1 in the pic, except mine is green. Not like lime green or anything, but more like a deep emerald green.
Anyhow, I bought it brand new and in the almost 13 yrs that I've had it it's been 1 expense after another. I'll admit, I don't take good care of my cars. I forget to get oil changes until the check engine light comes on, I forget to get gas until the gas light comes on, I don't even think about getting tires until either 1 goes flat or I notice metal sticking thru them. I'm sorry.. I'm a girl. I just don't think about those things. My thing is.. I forget. I forget a LOT of things. So, if you don't remind me or bitch at me to do it, I won't remember. Well.. my car doesn't talk.. though it would be cool if it did! I've always wanted a Transformer car lol. (Hmm.. I take that back. I'd be afraid of what it would say b/c all the things I've done in that car lol)
For the past yr or 2, I haven't really needed to drive it all that much. My dad takes pity on me so he drives it to the airport and parks it while he's away and I take his truck. Someone is almost always home at my house and I just use 1 of their cars if I need/want to go anywhere.
Well, my dad has been telling for a looonnngg time that I need to get it in and have the spark plugs changed. I couldn't even tell you IF they've ever been replaced in the 13 yrs I've had it. I called around and the lowest price I could get was the Tire Kingdom by my house. I never even thought about going there. I mean, DUH.. it's called TIRE Kingdom. I just assumed they did tires only. Stupid me.
So, 1 afternoon I dropped my car off and the guy working the counter, Bruce, was really nice and asked me all these questions I had no answer to. Sorry dude,.. I don't speak mechanic. I tossed him my keys when he said we were done and that he'd call me after they took a look.
Let me just say.. I don't 'usually' go prowling for mechanics. Yea.. I've had my fun with a mechanic before (see: Past Lovers blog - Mr. Just Breaks) but that was a 1 time thing. But there was something about Bruce. For a lack of a better description.. he was hot. Light eyes, dark hair, tall, thin and all around yummy. We joked around here and there but that was it and I left. My luck lately when I meet a guy is either 1) he's already taken 2) too old/young to date 3) is a professor at my school and can't date. (yes.. #3 is really currently a professor at my college and when we first met was in the parking lot. My school shares the building with 4 other companies so we both could have been going to some place else.. unfortunately we weren't)
Bruce called me about an hr later to explain the current health status of my car. There was like 6 things wrong and before he found some 'discounts' and coupons it was going to be over $400. Ech. That sucked. After discounts and coupons, he got it down to a little over $200. How nice! I told him to do it and let me know when it was done. He called a few hrs later to tell me I could pick it up and I did. More joking/flirting ensued but I was with my parents (dad was picking up the bill thank GOD) so that was all. Bruce told me about a few other things they found but said it wasn't vital that I get them fixed now. We said our goodbyes and we left.
But I couldn't stop thinking about him. I liked his personality. He laughed at my corny jokes and smart ass comments and I laughed at his. I had to see him again.
Dad had to get the A/C belt fixed on his truck. He had planned on just taking it back to the dealership but asked me to call Tire Kingdom the next day to see if they'd do it cheaper. My luck!?? Bruce answered the phone.
me: Hey, I'm not sure you remember me.. I'm sure you see tons of ppl everyday, but you worked on my Kia last night....
Him: OH! Hey! Yep, I remember you. What can I do for you? Is there something wrong?
Me: Nope, it's good. Just had a question about an a/c belt for a Chevy Avalanche.
He gave me his prices, which were suprisingly more than the dealership. I asked if they did price comparisons and they did. He also said he'd throw in a free oil change. SOLD! Instead of being able to just drop it off, I had to wait for it since there was no one to pick me up. I didn't mind. It just meant I was able (possibly) to talk to Bruce more. Unfortunately, the store manager was there and kept Bruce busy. Only time I got to talk to him was when he checked the car in and checked the car back out to me. Damn. Plan failed. How was I going to see him again???
2 wks later I decide that my breaks needed checking. You seriously had to push the damn pedal to the floor to get it to stop. Was that normal??? I couldn't remember. I hadn't driven the car in over 6 months. It was time to go see Bruce again. On my way home from a job interview on Wed. (2 days ago) I pulled into Tire Kingdom's parking lot hoping he was working. He saw me pulling in, in my dad's truck and came out to great me.
Him: what do you want?!? (he asked laughing)
Me: Dont get shitty with me. I'm making your paycheck. I know you've missed me (as I laughed back)
I go on to inquire about prices for my breaks. He gives me prices and walks me back to my car asking when I'll be bringing it in... would it be that day? I told him I had other things going on but I could bring it by tomorrow (Thursday). He informed me that he was working 7am til 5pm so to bring it in sometime during those hours. Now the shop is open from 7am til 9pm. Was he flirting with me? I couldn't tell.
Thurs. came (technically this morning though it's now after midnight) and I didn't even get out of bed until after 11am. When I stress out, my shoulders ache like crazy and I get a headache. Well, after that interview on Wed. I had been super stressed since. (I think I totally bombed the interview.. sad cus I really wanted the job). When I woke up this morning, my shoulders hurt so bad it hurt too much to even raise my arms up to brush my teeth. My head was pounding, my jaws hurt (I also grind my teeth and clench my jaws when I stress), and I felt like I had just come down from a wk of hard drinking. My face was all puffy and all I wanted to do was down 1/2 a bottle of Aleve and go back to bed. No such luck. I had things to do.
By 1pm I was finally feeling a little better and decided to drop my car off. Bruce was there to greet me but he wasn't very chatty. Maybe b/c my mom was with me? Idk. We joked a little but nothing like before. I shrugged it off, signed what I had to and left to go have lunch with my mom. By the time he called back to tell me what was wrong (long list off shit again) but my mom had left and I had no one to drive me back up there when it was done. He offered to pick me up, I thanked him but declined. I didn't want to put him out any. He said he'd call back when the repairs were finished. In the mean time, I had to pick my dad up at work by 4:30. (he had surgery and isn't allowed to drive for 12 wks). Got back home about 5, mom was still out and Bruced called back to tell me my car was ready. Told him that I still didn't have a ride up there, that I'd have to wait until tomorrow if that was O.K. He again offered to pick me up.
Me: Nawww.. that's O.K. I dont' want to put you out any. Plus, you got off at 5...
Him: Really! It's fine! I don't mind! Give me directions. (I gave him directions) That's not far at all. I'll be there in a few minutes
I thanked him again and hung up. I got ready, grabbed my purse and headed out to wait in the drive way. Just as I was about to push the button to open the garage door.. my mom came home.
SHIT SHIT SHIT!! Couldn't she have waited another 10 minutes! Fuck it. I'm not calling him back.
Her and I chatted a few minutes and she went inside, saying she'd be back out in a few. Before she came out tho, Bruce pulled up in his big ass Dodge Ram pick up. This thing was a monster. It looked like he had a lift kit on it cus it was jacked up off the ground super high. I walked over to the passenger door as he leans over to open it for me while saying hi.
Me: holy crap man! Do you have a ladder to get in this thing? (I'm only 5'2". The door handle was higher than my head)
Him: (laughing) you need a boost??
Me: Seriously dude.. did you need to bring a vehicle I can't get into? Oh.. thankfully you have a runner to step on and an oh shit handle to pull my ass up.. otherwise I'd be shit outta luck! (still laughing)
I finally get in and close the door.
Me: My mom showed up about 5 min after we hung up but I didn't have a way to call you back to tell you you didn't need to make the trip. Thank you tho. It's really nice of you.
Him: No problem. I don't mind at all.
Silence....
Him: Wow. You smell really good!!
Me: (blushing) Thanks. I had been out back playing with my dogs and was getting all sweaty. I didn't want to stink up your car (laugh)
Him: Sweaty can be good (he turns and looks at me)
Me: (blushing again) Yea.. it can be when you have a good reason.... (pause) but I don't have a good reason. Well.. not a FUN good reason. (I shoot him a look out of the corner of my eye and he smiles)
We had idle chitchat on the way. He asks me how long we've lived there, if I had any kids (me no, him yes. 4 yr old boy). I find out he's originally from a small town in Indiana, moved down when he was 12, and swapped some funny stories about Indiana. (I had been there once a few yrs ago) We chatting about other things until we got back to the shop. It was no 5:30. He had been off work for 1/2 hr, but yet picked me up anyway. Was he trying to tell me something? Was he interested?? I still didn't know for sure. I wanted to ask him out.. but I didn't know if he had a girlfriend. I was hoping not, I mean.. that would be pretty shitty of him if he was doing this and had a g/f. Wasn't like he used a work vehicle to pick me up.. not like I was aware that they did 'pick ups' for anyone else.
We got back to the shop and I followed him in to pay. There was another customer in there getting checked out and Bruce was all professional. As I was leaving, I told him I owed him lunch or dinner for giving me discounts again. He smiled and said O.K. I didn't want him to think I was just bullshitting, so I turned back to the counter and said "No, I really mean it. You have my cell. Call me. I'll take you to lunch.. or dinner or whatever. Seriously.. call me"
He said O.K. and I left.
Will he call??? I have no idea. Do I want him to??! HELL YES!! Will he end up as another post for Past Lovers? Maybe :D But I think this time, I'd really like to have a relationship with him.
Wish me luck!!!!!!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Things That Piss Me Off pt. 2
1. So.. I'm a smoker. I have been for too many years to count. (I had my 1st cigarette when I was in 6th grade and never really stopped afterwards.) I hate that when I'm standing in the designated smoking area, a non-smoker comes over and stands by me and starts that OBVIOUS fake cough/choke. Making comments about how they can't stand the smell.. do I REEALLLYY need to be doing that there.. blah blah blah. MOVE THEN FUCKER! I was here 1st AND this is the only spot I CAN smoke jackass.
OH! And what about the comments: 'You know smoking is bad for your health?' or "Smoking kills". REALLY ASSHAT?!?! I NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE!!!! Gee.. I really wish someone would have told me that a long time ago.. or even written it on the box so I knew that every time I picked up my pack. OH WAIT!! IT IS ON THERE! Shut your cum catcher and leave me the hell alone douchebag.
2. We have a sign on our door that says NO SOLICITING. Thankfully, the people selling alarm systems have finally stopped coming by when they're met at the door by two 65lb Tervuren Shepherds and me with a gun. I think they got the picture. We're covered, thanks anyway.
However.. we need to modify our sign. It needs to also say "This includes religion". I cannot.. CANNOT stand Jahovah's witness, the mormons and any other religions knocking on my door wanting to convert me. Why is it that they expect you to stand there and listen to their shit, but when you try to talk to them about YOUR religion.. they don't want to hear it? OHHH you can knock on my door at 730am on a Sat. to vomit your beliefs into my groggy face, but I can't try to convert you!?
I so want to install a shocking door bell. You ring it? You get zapped. Leave me the fuck alone.
I will see you in hell..(since that's were you believe I will be going when I die) b/c there is no such thing as 'paradise' or 10,000 virgins or whatever.. in my religion. So.. noisy 730am knockers... if I'm going to hell SO. ARE. YOU. Save me a seat, order me a lemonaid and make sure I have enough cigarettes... I get cranky without them lol
Another thing that pisses me off is when they say.. "have you found Jesus?". 'Uhh.. I didn't know he was lost..' is always my reply.
3. Idiot drivers. I think Florida is the capitol of idiot drivers. You see me waiting patiently, with my blinker on, trying to change lanes.. yet you feel the need to drive like a mixture of Mario Andretti and Evel Knievel so that I can't come over. WTF?! Fine.. I'll wait and get in behind you. OH!! But now.. you drive 6 blocks, 15 miles UNDER the speed limit, with your fucking turn signal on b/c you can't figure out where the hell YOU need to turn. Get the hell outta my way jockstrap.
And those lovely people who just HAVE to merge into your lane in front of you, cutting you off, missing your bumper by only a flea's dick to stop at the red light you were arriving at. Thanks a lot cocksucker. My answer to that? I don't give the bastard 2 seconds to hit their gas pedal when it turns green. As soon as it does.. I'm laying on the horn.. HARD and for a long time like "let's go shithead! The light's green! WTF you waitin' for?!?!' as I throw my hands up in disgust.
Yes.. it's those little pleasures that make my day. :D
What about you?? What are some things that piss you off?
OH! And what about the comments: 'You know smoking is bad for your health?' or "Smoking kills". REALLY ASSHAT?!?! I NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE!!!! Gee.. I really wish someone would have told me that a long time ago.. or even written it on the box so I knew that every time I picked up my pack. OH WAIT!! IT IS ON THERE! Shut your cum catcher and leave me the hell alone douchebag.
2. We have a sign on our door that says NO SOLICITING. Thankfully, the people selling alarm systems have finally stopped coming by when they're met at the door by two 65lb Tervuren Shepherds and me with a gun. I think they got the picture. We're covered, thanks anyway.
However.. we need to modify our sign. It needs to also say "This includes religion". I cannot.. CANNOT stand Jahovah's witness, the mormons and any other religions knocking on my door wanting to convert me. Why is it that they expect you to stand there and listen to their shit, but when you try to talk to them about YOUR religion.. they don't want to hear it? OHHH you can knock on my door at 730am on a Sat. to vomit your beliefs into my groggy face, but I can't try to convert you!?
I so want to install a shocking door bell. You ring it? You get zapped. Leave me the fuck alone.
I will see you in hell..(since that's were you believe I will be going when I die) b/c there is no such thing as 'paradise' or 10,000 virgins or whatever.. in my religion. So.. noisy 730am knockers... if I'm going to hell SO. ARE. YOU. Save me a seat, order me a lemonaid and make sure I have enough cigarettes... I get cranky without them lol
Another thing that pisses me off is when they say.. "have you found Jesus?". 'Uhh.. I didn't know he was lost..' is always my reply.
3. Idiot drivers. I think Florida is the capitol of idiot drivers. You see me waiting patiently, with my blinker on, trying to change lanes.. yet you feel the need to drive like a mixture of Mario Andretti and Evel Knievel so that I can't come over. WTF?! Fine.. I'll wait and get in behind you. OH!! But now.. you drive 6 blocks, 15 miles UNDER the speed limit, with your fucking turn signal on b/c you can't figure out where the hell YOU need to turn. Get the hell outta my way jockstrap.
And those lovely people who just HAVE to merge into your lane in front of you, cutting you off, missing your bumper by only a flea's dick to stop at the red light you were arriving at. Thanks a lot cocksucker. My answer to that? I don't give the bastard 2 seconds to hit their gas pedal when it turns green. As soon as it does.. I'm laying on the horn.. HARD and for a long time like "let's go shithead! The light's green! WTF you waitin' for?!?!' as I throw my hands up in disgust.
Yes.. it's those little pleasures that make my day. :D
What about you?? What are some things that piss you off?
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Things that piss me off (caution)
**Warning** This will probably be a really sensitive subject for some. It's not to hurt anyone's feelings or piss anyone off. But I had to get this off my chest.
I hate when you (you meaning general ppl.. or usually it means me lol) make an innocent statement and it gets turned all around. Example: on fb there's this thing going around about how if you imput the last 3 #'s of your cell in a comment it will appear as a name. Like: @[792:0], it gave me: Ekua K. Nkyekyer. So I responded to a friends post and did it with a comment that said: "umm wtf kind of name is THAT?? Sounds like I come from Africa or something..." and within seconds this chick comes at me about it. Apparently she was born in a small town in Africa or something, I really dk, nor do I care. But she's all.." nothing wrong with coming from Africa bro...what kinda name did u want? James Camron?" O.K... from that I took away feeling like she was insulted and had to insult me by giving me a more 'american' name. Though, other ppl had commented and said stuff about their name.. 1 person said something about how she had an Italian sounding name.. but did SHE get attacked? NO. And the 1 that attacked me.. who claims she's from Africa.. got the name Kathryn Andersen but did I attack her b/c of it? B/c she had a 'american' name. No.. I didn't.
So guys, was I in the wrong with what I commented? Was I being racist or something? Cause to me, I wasn't.... but that doesn't mean that someone else wouldn't take it that way.
It's shit like that that pisses me off. Why do ppl have to pull the race card when what was said (to me anyway) wasn't racist. I really had to stop, breathe, and think about what to respond to her b/c I was PIISSEEDD! And when I'm angry, I spout off at the mouth quickly and hit below the belt. So after collecting my thoughts, this is what I responded: 'Never said anything was wrong with it, was only referring to the name I got, that is all. Nothing more.' Of course she hasn't said anything since. A part of me hopes she does cus I'm always ready for a fight.. but the other part hopes that she doesn't b/c I know how I can get and I really don't want to get into a pissing match with some chick I don't even know who currently lives in Canada and I will never meet. She really isn't worth my time or even to be pissed about.. but it still rubs me the wrong way when ppl HAVE to always throw in race.
Another thing that pisses me off, which also goes along with race is politics. I am a republican. I don't hide it, I'm proud to be a republican. If you're a democrat, that's cool. No party affiliation, that's cool too. I really don't care as long as we all make decisions that are whats best for the country. So.. why is it that when someone who isn't a republican finds out that you (me) ARE a republican, you are automatically a racist who hates blacks and the poor? (Most often it has been black democrats that have called me that)
I think it's time for those who think that way get a quick history lesson.
1) Whites didn't sell you into slavery. Your own ppl did from Africa. They would raid villages and towns and take who ever they could catch to trade with whites for our guns and weapons and anything else we had that they wanted.
2) The majority of the black population is democrat. Who freed the slaves? Republicans. Who DIDN'T want to free the slaves? Democrats. Who fought to give freed slaves voting rights? Republicans. Who would stand at voting halls and threaten to beat or kill blacks who tried to vote? Democrats. Who fought to get freed slaves land of their own? Republicans. So look.. republicans weren't the problem, don't blame us. If you want anyone to blame, blame your own.
3) Vertus Hardiman. Not familiar with him? Look him up, there's videos about him. In a nutshell, when he was 5, in 1927, his parents took him to a county hospital to have experiments done on him for money. The experiments were for radiation. He spent over 80 years with a hole on the top of his head, it never healed. HIS PARENTS DID THAT for money. Apparently money was worth more than their child's health. No white men came and kidnapped that poor boy from his family, forcing his parents to give him up at gun point. Nope, they went voluntarily.
Lastly, I get that slavery was bad. People were treated horribly. Some were killed. Some had worse fates than death. Yes, it was by the hands of white folks. But we saw the error of our ways and fix it. There hasn't been slaves since 1865.
July 1862, Lincoln mentioned his Emancipation Proclamation to his cabinet. Jan. 1863 he put the law into effect. April, 1865 all slaves who were not yet freed, were freed. So please.. stop using slavery as a argument. It was 147 yrs ago. No one in your family that is still alive has ever been a slave. Stop blaming the whole world for it. No one alive today had anything to do with it.
Just b/c I'm not black doesn't mean my family hasn't been descriminated against. My family tree is a mix of backgrounds. On my mother's side is Italians and Scottish. My fathers side is American Indian and Irish. I'm a mutt. All of which have been called names, been descriminated against and hated. Look what the English did to my American Indian ansestors. Barged into American, stole their land and killed them if they wouldn't give it up.
My SIL is Jewish. Her mother (my neices grandma) was born in a concentration camp. My SIL's grandmother had her ID# tatoo on her when she died. She (and her sister) were 1 of the lucky ones that made it out of Auschwitz alive. However, thier mother, grandmother, brother and father weren't. They had to stand there and watch them being led in like cattle to the gas chambers. They were only children at the time.
Every background has had their fair share of misery and hardships. But you don't see me going around blaming 'whites' for how they treated my family tree. My SIL and her mother don't go around blaming the world for killing their family and it was a hell of a lot more recent than slavery. (the last camp was closed in 1947)
So, my point is not to 'get over it' b/c it's a part of history, it's a part of someone's family tree, it was someone's loved one. But please.. for God's sake.. stop making EVERYTHING about racism. Stop pulling 'the race card'. Stop blaming everything that's wrong with the world on shit that happen almost 200 years ago. Stop blaming 'the whites' for everything. Stop blaming the republicans for everything. It happened, yes. But it isn't happening now. We have a black president for Christ sake. Obviously we aren't as 'racist' as you claim we are.
That is all.
I hate when you (you meaning general ppl.. or usually it means me lol) make an innocent statement and it gets turned all around. Example: on fb there's this thing going around about how if you imput the last 3 #'s of your cell in a comment it will appear as a name. Like: @[792:0], it gave me: Ekua K. Nkyekyer. So I responded to a friends post and did it with a comment that said: "umm wtf kind of name is THAT?? Sounds like I come from Africa or something..." and within seconds this chick comes at me about it. Apparently she was born in a small town in Africa or something, I really dk, nor do I care. But she's all.." nothing wrong with coming from Africa bro...what kinda name did u want? James Camron?" O.K... from that I took away feeling like she was insulted and had to insult me by giving me a more 'american' name. Though, other ppl had commented and said stuff about their name.. 1 person said something about how she had an Italian sounding name.. but did SHE get attacked? NO. And the 1 that attacked me.. who claims she's from Africa.. got the name Kathryn Andersen but did I attack her b/c of it? B/c she had a 'american' name. No.. I didn't.
So guys, was I in the wrong with what I commented? Was I being racist or something? Cause to me, I wasn't.... but that doesn't mean that someone else wouldn't take it that way.
It's shit like that that pisses me off. Why do ppl have to pull the race card when what was said (to me anyway) wasn't racist. I really had to stop, breathe, and think about what to respond to her b/c I was PIISSEEDD! And when I'm angry, I spout off at the mouth quickly and hit below the belt. So after collecting my thoughts, this is what I responded: 'Never said anything was wrong with it, was only referring to the name I got, that is all. Nothing more.' Of course she hasn't said anything since. A part of me hopes she does cus I'm always ready for a fight.. but the other part hopes that she doesn't b/c I know how I can get and I really don't want to get into a pissing match with some chick I don't even know who currently lives in Canada and I will never meet. She really isn't worth my time or even to be pissed about.. but it still rubs me the wrong way when ppl HAVE to always throw in race.
Another thing that pisses me off, which also goes along with race is politics. I am a republican. I don't hide it, I'm proud to be a republican. If you're a democrat, that's cool. No party affiliation, that's cool too. I really don't care as long as we all make decisions that are whats best for the country. So.. why is it that when someone who isn't a republican finds out that you (me) ARE a republican, you are automatically a racist who hates blacks and the poor? (Most often it has been black democrats that have called me that)
I think it's time for those who think that way get a quick history lesson.
1) Whites didn't sell you into slavery. Your own ppl did from Africa. They would raid villages and towns and take who ever they could catch to trade with whites for our guns and weapons and anything else we had that they wanted.
2) The majority of the black population is democrat. Who freed the slaves? Republicans. Who DIDN'T want to free the slaves? Democrats. Who fought to give freed slaves voting rights? Republicans. Who would stand at voting halls and threaten to beat or kill blacks who tried to vote? Democrats. Who fought to get freed slaves land of their own? Republicans. So look.. republicans weren't the problem, don't blame us. If you want anyone to blame, blame your own.
3) Vertus Hardiman. Not familiar with him? Look him up, there's videos about him. In a nutshell, when he was 5, in 1927, his parents took him to a county hospital to have experiments done on him for money. The experiments were for radiation. He spent over 80 years with a hole on the top of his head, it never healed. HIS PARENTS DID THAT for money. Apparently money was worth more than their child's health. No white men came and kidnapped that poor boy from his family, forcing his parents to give him up at gun point. Nope, they went voluntarily.
Lastly, I get that slavery was bad. People were treated horribly. Some were killed. Some had worse fates than death. Yes, it was by the hands of white folks. But we saw the error of our ways and fix it. There hasn't been slaves since 1865.
July 1862, Lincoln mentioned his Emancipation Proclamation to his cabinet. Jan. 1863 he put the law into effect. April, 1865 all slaves who were not yet freed, were freed. So please.. stop using slavery as a argument. It was 147 yrs ago. No one in your family that is still alive has ever been a slave. Stop blaming the whole world for it. No one alive today had anything to do with it.
Just b/c I'm not black doesn't mean my family hasn't been descriminated against. My family tree is a mix of backgrounds. On my mother's side is Italians and Scottish. My fathers side is American Indian and Irish. I'm a mutt. All of which have been called names, been descriminated against and hated. Look what the English did to my American Indian ansestors. Barged into American, stole their land and killed them if they wouldn't give it up.
My SIL is Jewish. Her mother (my neices grandma) was born in a concentration camp. My SIL's grandmother had her ID# tatoo on her when she died. She (and her sister) were 1 of the lucky ones that made it out of Auschwitz alive. However, thier mother, grandmother, brother and father weren't. They had to stand there and watch them being led in like cattle to the gas chambers. They were only children at the time.
Every background has had their fair share of misery and hardships. But you don't see me going around blaming 'whites' for how they treated my family tree. My SIL and her mother don't go around blaming the world for killing their family and it was a hell of a lot more recent than slavery. (the last camp was closed in 1947)
So, my point is not to 'get over it' b/c it's a part of history, it's a part of someone's family tree, it was someone's loved one. But please.. for God's sake.. stop making EVERYTHING about racism. Stop pulling 'the race card'. Stop blaming everything that's wrong with the world on shit that happen almost 200 years ago. Stop blaming 'the whites' for everything. Stop blaming the republicans for everything. It happened, yes. But it isn't happening now. We have a black president for Christ sake. Obviously we aren't as 'racist' as you claim we are.
That is all.
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