Going away

My parents arrived home around 6pm and as we all sat down to eat dinner, my brother made his big announcement.

"Mom, Dad.. I have to leave for bootcamp this weekend."

My mother dropped her fork and my father chocked on his water.
"WHAT?!" my mom asked as she shot my dad a look to see if he was O.K.
My brother explained to them what he told me either.
"What about school?" My dad asked him after he recovered from the coughing fit.
"I have enough credits to graduate now. I'm just there because I was going to walk with the rest of my class. I don't actually NEED to be there. You know that. I showed you all that paperwork before."

My father got quiet and looked at my mom. We all expected her to flip, but she didn't. She was sitting there quietly sliding her food around her plate. I kept to myself.. no need to draw attention in my direction. When I finished eating, I asked to be excused and let my parents talk in private with my brother. I knew they wouldn't be happy, but really.. what could they do? Who tells 'Uncle Sam' no??

When I heard the conversation was winding down and the clatter of plates I walked back in to help with the dishes. My mother was alone in the kitchen, I had no idea where my dad or brother had gone off to.
"Hey.. you need any help?" I asked tentively. She didn't answer me right away and I just waited, not wanting to leave but didn't want to probe either. Eventually she did say yes and we worked in silence for the most part until I finally spoke.
"Where'd everyone go?"
"Your brother's in his room starting to pack and your dad went to the store. Said he needed something, but I know he really just went to have a cigarette." Though my mom knew my dad smoked, she hated it so he wouldn't smoke at the house.

We finished up the dishes and I retreated back to my room. My brother was leaving in less than 2 days for boot camp.. I couldn't believe it. Though I knew he had said he wanted to join the Army, I guess I never really thought he actually would and now the time came. Come Saturday morning, my parents were dropping him off on their way to a wedding in Tampa. I wasn't going to the wedding, so I was going to have to say my goodbyes at the house. Which was fine with me because I knew I was going to have a hard time saying goodbye not knowing when I'd see him again.

As I sat in my room thinking about my brother leaving, the phone rang. My mom knocked on my door to tell me it was for me. I had 2 guesses who it would be.. Amy or Johnny. I was hoping it was Johnny. I picked up the phone in my room and asked my mom to hang up the other line. When I heard the phone finally click I said hello.

"Hey J"
"Hi, Johnny. What's up?"
"Nothing really. I said I'd call you tonight."
We continue to chat about all different things, including the day we spent together.
"Hey Johnny... I have a question.. I was wondering.. what are you doing Saturday during the day?"
"I don't have any plans, why? Did you want to hang out?"
I explained that my parents would be at a wedding and asked him if he wanted to come over and if he'd pick up Amy on the way if she said it was O.K. He agreed, I promised that I'd ask Amy either that night or the next day at school if it was O.K. with her and asked him to call me Friday evening.

My parents had decided that since it was my brother's last night with us on Friday, we would have a family night so I wasn't going out with friends. He agreed to call and we said our goodbyes. It was already getting late by the time we got off the phone so I just went to bed.

I had no idea that what I had asked him was the starting point for so many things down the road.....

Update!

First let me say I'm soooo sooo sorry for just up and leaving without a word since. I really have no excuse other than I just didn't feel like posting. As you guys know, I had some health issues going on and after that.. well.. I just didn't feel like doing anything. Especially posts. But! I have an update!! :)

I returned to my Dr. for a 6wks check up of my heart. He listened intently.. then listen some more. He pulled away with a puzzled look on his face.

"What's wrong now, Doc?" I asked

"I can't hear it. I can't hear it at all. I know it was there last time. Mary.. come listen to see if you can hear it. You did hear it last time, right?"

Mary the nurse took her turn listening to my heart and she as well couldn't hear the tale-tell sounds of the thump, thump, click. They both looked at each other with WTF faces.

"J, do you have time to do an EKG while you're here? I want to make sure it's really gone."

I did have the time. Hell, even if I didn't have the time, I'd make time because I wanted to know! 45 minutes later they were unhooking the leads and sent me back to the exam room. The Dr. came in shortly after half smiling, half still confused.

"J. I swear I heard it the last time you were here. Mary heard it... I'm not going crazy. It really was there. But your EKG is perfect. So, I don't know what happened, but your heart is healthy with no signs of a mitral valve prolapse. Maybe it was just the meds you were on, but whatever it was.. it's gone now. Congrats!!" he smiled as he hugged me. I released a breath I didn't even know I was holding and though really confused of how it just 'went away', I was happy with the news.

Of course my mom went with me to this appointment too so as soon as I was back in the lobby, she wasted no time in asking me. "SO! What did he say? You were back there for ever!" I smiled, told her what happened and she I think she was more excited that I was I think. As we walked out the door and into the parking lot she looked over at me and said, "Your Dad and I have been praying that He would fix this as since you found out. Looks like He did."

Now, I'm SOOOO not a religious person. I don't go to Church, though my parents do. I don't have any desire to go to Church. I have my own issues with Church which is another post of another time lol. But, as I walked to the car I thought about what my mom said... hey.. maybe the 'power of prayer' really does work? I honestly don't know. All I do know is that 6wks before I had a heart problem. I didn't take any med's to correct it, as there were none available My Grandmother prayed, my Grandfather prayed, my parent's prayed and my best friend prayed that He would fix my heart. I didn't change my lifestyle any. The only thing that changed was that I was off the meds for my cold. Did my heart correct itself once I was off the meds? Or was it all the prayer? I don't know.. I'll never know.. but.. whatever it was.. it worked and I'm very thankful.

Now that that is over with and this (horrible) semester is almost done, I'm hoping to have more time.. and more desire.. to post more. I can't promise it will be weekly, but I will try. I hope everyone has had a great year so far!! :)

Distractions gone

The time was getting close and Amy and I had to be home soon. We all piled back into the car and headed to Amy's house to drop her off first. Amy and Tony said their goodbyes with a lot of kissing and hands wondering while the rest of us acted like we didn't notice.

Jasper was silent in the backseat, looking like someone just kicked his dog and Johnny was trying to see how far I'd let his hand go up my leg. Finally, Amy walked into her house, Tony got back in the car and we headed to my house.

We pulled into my drive 15 min later and I was nervous of what kind of goodbye Johnny and I would have after watching Amy and Tony. I exited the car and walked up to the front door with Johnny behind me. I wasn't about to offer him inside so I turned around to say my goodbyes there.

He pulled me in for a hug and kissed along my neck. My mind was fighting my body. It felt wonderful, but my brain was telling me to have him stop. Stop before it went too far. We stood there and made out like the teenager I was. Luckily, I heard a car coming down the road and before Johnny's hands had made contact with my ass, my brother rounded the turn.

I pulled back from Johnny, a little breathless, "Uh.. you have to go! Now! That's my brother!"

He looked in the direction of my brother's car and glanced back at me with a look on his face like "I don't give a shit". But my urging and me physically pushing him away made changed his mind. He gave me 1 last kiss goodbye and walked to his car.

"Call me later tonight! I have a question for you!" I hollard after him and unlocked the door.

My brother was waiting to pull into the drive way as Johnny was pulling out. I could tell my brother wasn't happy as he made his way to the front door. I tried to act casual, but it didn't work.

"Who was that?"

"Oh.. just some friends. They gave me a ride home."

"J.. you're in middle school. None of your friends are old enough to drive yet. Who was that!?"

"They were friends of Amy's, from high school."

"Why did he walk you to the door? He looks a little too old to be in high school." he replied skeptically.

"Oh well.. he's 19. Got held back or something. Anyway.. why are you home so early? I thought you were working tonight?" I tried to change the subject as fast as I could. I always had a hard time lying to my brother.

"They took me off the schedule since I'm leaving this weekend for the Army"

"Wait! What?? I thought you weren't leaving for a few more weeks or like a month or something!? Why did it change? Why so soon?"

"Because the unit I'll be assigned to because of the job I selected is going through bootcamp next week and they didn't want me to be behind"

Well that just ruined a nice day. I had no idea how my parents were going to react to that, but I knew it wasn't going to be good. At least with that going on tonight, they won't ask me too many questions about what I did in school that day or anything else. At least the pressure was off me for the time being but I knew as soon as my brother left for boot camp, there would not be anyone else to distract them from the things I did.

A little off topic

Well, I was feeling a little better last night and had decided to write a post today. It was going to relate to the other posts, but then, before I got a chance to write anything, my Dr's office called to check on me to see how I was feeling.

When I told the nurse that even though I have been off the latest antibiotics for 3 days now, I'm still not feeling better which is surprising because normally within a few days of taking antibiotics I'm usually back to my old self and don't really need the remainder. She put me on hold while she spoke to the Dr. and came back to say he wanted to see me in an hour to 'rule out anything else'.

I changed out of my warm PJ's and headed over. Even though she told me that they were going to fit me in, in between his other appointments, I had hoped I wouldn't have to wait very long. I sat in the waiting room for another hour, as there were 4 other people ahead of me that actually HAD appointments.

I was finally called back and the nurse did the normal stuff. Blood pressure (was good), weight (lost 4 lbs in 10 days.. idk if that's good or not lol) and temp (had a low grade fever. My normal body temp is lower than average.. it's usually 97.6, temp today was 99.8. So for a regular person, that would be 100.8 so it wasn't real bad compared to 10 days ago). Anyhow!

Finally got back into the room, Doc came in, asked if I was pregnant, I answered with "OMG! I hope to God not!!" he laughed.. but asked again. I said no (and crossed my fingers that that was true) and he sent me for a few lung xrays. 3 xrays later I was back in the room waiting for him.

He came in shortly after to tell me that my lungs look excellent. I inquired if there were ANY dark spots on my lungs, he said no and asked why. I told him I was a smoker (still) and he looked shocked. Said he couldn't tell by my xrays, said he even compared them to the xrays from 2004 and 2001 and that there's no signs of 'smokers lungs'. I was elated from that news. However, my excitement didn't last long.

He wanted to listen to my lungs again just to make sure they sounded O.K. and in the process, listen to my heart as well. Lungs sounded good, so my Bronchitis is pretty much gone, with just a little still lingering.

However, in the mists of listening to my heart, he got all excited.
Dr: "Wow! This is incredible! Mary (the nurse) you want to hear this?"
Mary: "Sure?! What am I supposed to be listening to?"
Dr: (to Mary) She has a Mitral Valve Prolapse.
Dr: (to me) In all the years I've been practicing medicine, I've never heard it so loud and clear before!

I just sat still in a daze while the nurse took her turn listening to my heart.

Mary: (to Dr) Wow! You really can hear it! Thump, thump, click.. thump, thump, click.
Dr: (to me) I've never heard this before today. You've never had heart problems, have you? Mary, check her chart.

She handed the stethascope back to the Dr. and he took a seat, rolling up close to me while she thumbed through the pages of my medical history.

Mary: (to Dr) No. There's no record of it in here.
Dr: I didn't think so.. I would have remembered this. (to me) You've been coming to me since you were what.. 7? And you've never had any heart issues?

Me: Yea, I was 7 and no, I never have.

I just sat there and stared at him.

Me: So.. um... what does this mean?
Dr: Well, it means that your left valve is not closing properly when releasing the blood out of your heart and blood is being pooled back in.

I just sat there and stared at him some more. I didn't know what to say or what to ask, there were so many things bouncing around in my head.

Me: Umm.. O.K. So.. now what?
Dr: Well, I want to keep an eye on this. There's really no course of treatment pill wise and until it progresses to a dangerous level, there's nothing to do. Once it does progress, you'll have to have surgery and either have the valve completely replaced or a shunt-type device will be inserted. I want to see you back in 6 wks for a recheck.

Me: What caused this? Can you tell?
Dr: At this time, I can't be sure. It could be the med's you're on for your Thyroid as a side effect. It could be the med's you were on for this cold that weakened the valve, it could be because heart problems run in your family. There's a lot of factors.

Me: Can it be reversed? I mean, if I went off my Thyroid meds, would it reverese this problem? If I started back working out, would that help? Is there anything I can do to fix this without surgery?
Dr: The damamge is done, from what, I cannot say. Yes, working out will strengthen your heart, however, over excerising can also damage it more. Take it easy for now. If you really want to excerise, I suggest something easy like walking. Don't go getting a gym membership and running on tread mills right now.

I couldn't think of anything else to ask at the moment and he sat there waiting patiently. When I looked up at him, I just shrugged as if to say; "well.. that's it then".

He gave me a hug, told me to get my script filled for some steriods and if I had any other questions, call or come in and if these steroids don't help my cold any, to come back in 10 days.

He walked to the door, opened it, looked back at me with a sympathetic smile and walked away. The nurse stayed with me for a few minutes asking if I needed anything or if I wanted her to wait with me. I declined her offer, grabbed my purse and left.

My mom had riden with me to my appointment and while I had thought about not telling her what he said because I didn't want to hear "See! You need to quit smoking now!". A lecture was the last thing I needed to hear. However, as soon as I saw her, I knew I couldn't NOT tell her. What if something happened? What if I had a heart attack tomorrow and I didn't tell her and it was information the EMTs needed to know? I told her as we stood face to face in the lobby. She hugged me and was quiet. But only for a few minutes lol.

"You know... you really should stop smoking..." (you know mom's can NOT stop to lecture sometimes lol)

Before she even finished her sentence, I glared at her and not so nicely told her a lecture on smokinng was the last thing I needed at the moment. She nodded in agreement and hugged me again..

On the way to the car, she asked me the same questions I had asked the Dr. I tried to answer her questions as best as I could.

"J, you'll get through this. We'll ALL get you through this. Trust me, I know, it's scary and you have so many questions. We're here for you for anything."

Her words made me tear up. It made me think back to a few years ago. It was her going through this. Though, instead of a Mitral Valve Prolapse, she had a full on heart attack with no warning. Her blood pressure was fine, she had no plaque build up, there were none of the traditional signs. However, she's a diabetic and her glucose levels were high and it made her artery completely collapse without warning stopping all blood flow to the bottom of her heart.

I knew then, if my mom can beat a heart attack, I can beat this too.

So Sorry!

Hello everyone! I hope your Holiday was great and had a safe New Years.

I want to apologize for my lack of posts for pretty much the month of December. We had a death in the family and blogging took a backseat to everything else. I also spent most of Dec. in Alabama (unexpectedly) and as you know from previous posts, I have no internet there unless I find a hot spot somewhere, which is easier said than done.

Within 24 hours of coming home I got a bad headcold that eventually turned into Bronchitis, a double ear infection, sinusitis and tonsilitis with a temp running about 102 degrees. (I pretty much got every 'itis' there is!!) Many Dr's visits and many different kinds of antibiotics later, I'm still not well. I ended up having to go get a few breathing treatments a couple of times... you never know how very important breathing is until you can't do it! LOL So, now I've got my inhaler, some new meds and some hope that I'll be over this very soon!

I promise I'll get back to posting when I am feeling better. I hope you all forgive me for such a long break without any forewarning.

Happy New Year!! :)

Beso?

We all piled back into Johnny's car, Jasper too, and drove off in silence. The radio was playing a song Johnny liked and he leaned over to turn it up. (O.K., it was the song 'Baby Got Back by Sir Mixx Alot. What? It was the 90's! It was a popular song!! Don't laugh.) As he leaned back from turning the nob, his hand slid over and rested on my inner thigh. I flinched but gave him a weak smile and he kept his hand there. Amy and Tony were in the backseat with Jasper and apparently they were getting along just fine without any awkwardness.

We drove around for awhile before I finally said something. "Where are we going?"

Johnny just smiled at me and said, "beso" (in case anyone wonders, it's Spanish for kiss.. I think I spelled that correctly??). I leaned towards him and gave him a quick kiss on the check. He gave me a disappointed look and asked again. "Beso". I hesitated, but leaned back over and gave him a peck on the month and leaned back. We had finally stopped at a light and he turned to look at me.

"beso!"

"I just gave you two!!" I laughed.

He smiled and said 'beso' again. I leaned towards him, again, and when I leaned in to give him another fast kiss on the mouth, he reached around grabbing my head and kissed me deeply. With a lot of tongue. I didn't know whether I should gag or pull away or what. I decided to stay, stiff in his embrace because I knew it would get him angry if I pulled away.. ESPECIALLY in front of his friend. I didn't want to embarrass him again.

When the light turned green, he pulled away with a smile.

"Where are we going now?" I asked again

"How about my house?" He asked with a smirk, looking into the rearview mirror to his friends.

I gave a quick glance to Amy and she had the same look I did. It was obvious she didn't want to go there just as much as I didn't.

"Actually, I'm getting kinda hungry. Can we stop for something to eat?" I asked in my sweetest possible voice.

Johnny looked back at the guys in the back seat and they replied with a shoulder shrug, then said, "Sure. Where do you want to go?"

I only had about $3 on me. It wasn't like I could have asked my parents for money this morning. "McDonald's is fine with me. How's that sound to everyone?"

Amy piped in with a sure, as did Tony. Jasper was still quiet.

We pulled into a McDonald's within minutes and Amy and I announced we needed to use the bathroom. Once we were inside, we continued the conversation we tried to have earlier.

"I do NOT want to go to Johnny's house!" I whispered

"Me either! What do you think is going on, anyway? Jasper's acting all weird!"

"I don't know! That guy gives me the creeps. I wish they hadn't brought him."

"I know. Me too." Amy said into the mirror as she applied more lipstick. I don't know why she even bothered. Between eating and kissing Tony some more, it would be all gone faster than she could apply it.

"What are we going to do then?" I said, watching her slowly outline her lips.

"I don't know. Maybe we can talk them into going to the mall or something?"

I let out a groan and she realized what that meant. Our LAST trip to the mall didn't exactly end well and I didn't know how I'd handle the situation again without pissing Johnny off.

We exited the bathroom a few minutes later still not having any idea of where to go once we left McDonald's. We tried to take our time in eating and talking, hoping that would buy us some time and thankfully it did.

As luck would have it, where we stopped at the McDonald's was 1/2 way between Johnny's house and mine. We would have to drive back threw downtown traffic and it would take us forever to get there. Once we got there, it would almost be time for us to leave in order to get back home at our usual time so our parents wouldn't suspect anything. We instead, decided to walk around to the sidewalk shops to waste a few hours.

Johnny and I walked side-by-side with his arm drapped around me. Amy and Tony were being all lovey with each other and it was then that I wished I had hooked up with Tony instead of Johnny. Amy looked so carefree with him. She didn't flinch when he reached for her or when he leaned in to kiss her, unlike I did with Johnny. Tony also wasn't aggressive like Johnny was, but in a way I liked it. It was exciting... sort of.

Jasper.. well.. he just walked with his hands shoved in his pockets with a sour look on his face.

Jasper's House......

About an hour later we pulled up to the curb of a typical Florida home. It was a nice 1 story, looked fairly newly built and the outside was kept up nicely. I was a little surprised, really. From the look of Jasper, I didn't expect his house to be so... I don't know.. nice..?

"Stay here, I'll be right back" Jasper said as he exited Johnny's car.

We watched as he walked up to the front door and fumbled with his keys. It seemed to take him forever before he came back to the car and said he must have left his house key inside and would have to go around back to get in. We waited another few minutes and then he appeared at the front door from the inside and waved us in. Amy and I stuck close together as Tony and Johnny led us into the house. It was dark inside even though it was early and bright outside.

"Can we turn on a light or something? I can't see where to walk!" Amy had asked Tony exactly what I was thinking.

More fumbling and finally a small end table light came on. Amy and I glanced around the room and realized all the guys were looking as us. We couldn't tell what they were thinking and slowly made our way to the couch and sat next to each other. We all chatted a bit, laughing at the stories the guys told about each other, when Johnny grabbed my hand and tried to lead me into 1 of the bedrooms. I quickly glanced back at Amy with a look of 'oh my god! Help me! What do I do??'. She shrugged and I nervously got up and let Johnny lead me down a hall. It was obvious he wasn't familiar with Jasper's house because it took him a few tries to finally find a bedroom with a bed in it instead of a desk.

As we entered the room, I noticed the wall paper was of toy cars and trucks. There was a small bed on one side of the room and a small dresser on the other. Obviously this was a child's room.. and it gave me the willies being in there. However, it DIDN'T bother Johnny one bit because he crossed the floor in a flash and was holding me in his arms. It felt so good but at the same time, very awkward. Before meeting Johnny, I had never had a guy hold me like this.

He leaned in and kissed me slowly. I returned the kiss as best as I could, with the little experience I had. It didn't take long for his hands to start to wonder and my body tensed.

"It's o.k., J. Just relax. I won't hurt you"

I didn't say anything but took a deep breath and tried to force my body to relax. I kept telling myself that I was in control of the situation and it wouldn't go any further that I wanted it to.

Johnny's hands slid back onto my ass and he pulled me close again. I wrapped my arms around his neck with his direction and he leaned in for another kiss. One of his hands left my ass and made their way to the front of me and up my shirt. Just as I was about to push his hand away, there was a knock at the door.

"WHAT!" Bellowed Johnny. You could hear the irritation in his voice.

"Hey man.. I need to talk to you for a sec." It was Jasper. Though I wasn't comfortable around him, I was thankful for him knocking just at that time.

Johnny let out a frustrated sigh and walked out into the hall. I was left standing in some little boys room with no idea what to do when Johnny came back so I strained to listen to their conversation. I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying but I knew we had to be gone in about an hour. I figured I could fend him off for that long.. well.. at least most of that time. I assumed he'd want more than 20 minutes to fool around so that left me 40 minutes. I had to think of something because I knew I wasn't ready to do what I knew he wanted to do.

My saving grace came when Amy slipped past Johnny in a heated discussion with Jasper to enter the bedroom.

"What's going on? Why's Johnny so mad?" I whispered to Amy.

"I'm not sure... but it's got Tony all upset too!!"

We sat on the little bed side by side trying to decide what to do. The guys were our only way back home and we had no idea where we were anyway, even IF we had another way to leave. Shortly after the door opened up and Johnny was standing there not looking pleased.

"Everything O.K.?" I asked, grabbing Amy's hand beside me. It hadn't really occurred to me until that moment that we really didn't know these guys as well as we thought we did, or hoped we did.

As we entered the hall, Jasper was still standing there looking as white as a ghost and he looked like he was going to be sick any minute. Amy followed me out and we shut the door behind us. Once we were in the living room the guys went back to their joking manner and the atmosphere changed to a lighter note. I was relieved and by the looks of Amy, she was too. Jasper joined us not long after.

"Hey Jasper, you have a little brother?"

"No?" He mumbled back to me, obviously still a little irritated.

"Oh.. then..a nephew or son or something?"

"No!! Why?"

"Oh was just wondering who's bedroom we were in. I'm assuming it wasn't yours... right? I'd think you were a little old for cars and trucks wallpaper" I laughed

He shot me a dirty look and Johnny interrupted.

"I think we should leave. Now!" He abruptly grabbed my hand and pulled me from the couch. I was confused. I had no idea what I had said that made everyone so uptight again. Maybe he had a child or brother or nephew or something that had died? Maybe that's why he was so upset about my question??