If you read Past Lovers, then you'll know a little about this guy. There I call him The Trainer.. not to be confused with The Personal Trainer. 2 TOTALLY different guys in many ways...
Anyhow, if you don't read Past Lovers then I'll give you a little background on him. I originally met him thru my friend Angel back in 200 or 2001.. I can't remember. (and she was anything BUT an Angel.. crazy fucking bitch.. and NOT in a good way..another story for another time) Anyhow.. she had met him, went out with him once and they didn't click but she thought him and I would have better luck. So.. a few weeks later we arranged for him and I to meet at my place. Angel was there since she was the common denominator and he brought a friend along to meet her. Things turned out good and we were all pleased. (*side note, Angel and The Trainers friend only lasted 2 wks lol)
The Trainer and I swapped numbers and talked about getting together again... minus the others. For about 2 wks or so, we talked on the phone and online alot. We tried to make plans but neither schedules permitted. Finally we set a date for dinner and a movie for the following Friday night. Dinner was fun, movie was good and yes.. we eventually hooked up.
Now.. it's 10 yrs later. We've tried to have a 'relationship' throughout this whole time but every time things went bad. Most of the time it was b/c things would start being really good and he'd just disappear for days sometimes weeks and i'd never hear from him. Then he'd call me or IM me or text me whatever and act like nothing happened. I'd go off on him for it.. stop talking to him for awhile but I always seemed to come back. Things would be good for a while... go bad.. it was a cycle. 10 yrs of cycles but for whatever reason I kept coming back. We never actually had a real 'relationship' since the 1st try but we would hook up. During all of this he would tell me how much he cared for me, that I never really told him what I wanted so he really couldn't take all the blame. Which is true, I never actually sat down and told him how I felt or what I was expecting. He was under the assumption, after the 1st time we tried and failed, that I didn't want anything more than a friends with benefits type thing.
I'll admit.. I did use him whenever I wanted to get laid and I wasn't already seeing someone. I've always known that no matter when I'd text him and ask him if he was free.. no matter what he was doing, he would drop it and make time for me.
For the past year now, though I haven't seen him, we have talked on the phone, texted, and IMed more frequently. He's asked me to go away with him for a long weekend to this cabin he was going to rent. He's asked me to go on a cruise with him. Each time telling me I didn't have to pay for anything, it was all on his dime. Each time I declined. His schedule has been super busy, he's in college for pre-med and frankly.. I just hadn't wanted or needed to see him.
More recently, he's been giving me hypothetical situations or questions. Like.. if we were to move in together, where would I want to live? His current house or get a new one? Things like that. I wouldn't live in his house. It's old and in a part of town that I would NEVER live in. (lot of crime.. hell his car has been stolen 3 times since this past Dec.) I answer his questions honestly, as best I can.
Now... well.. I'm torn. He's been telling me again how much he likes me. How he feels that we are 'meant to be together' b/c we always come back to eachother. He gives me reasons why he feels that way and how I make him feel. Sometimes he won't even say much when he IM's me.. just a "I miss you, heard this song and it made me think of you" The latest song IM like that was just a few nights ago. The song was 'Where You Are' by Gavin Degraw. If you have never heard it, check it out on youtube. Try to get the 1 with lyrics on screen so you can read the words. It's a really beautiful song.
Again.. I'm torn. A part of me never in a million years thought I'd get serious with him. There's 1 big problem. He's black. I don't care.. obviously.. but my family will. OHHH it would be like World War 3 if I told them I was going to marry a black guy. Not only would my parents and brother freak, but my grandparents would too. Freak is an understatement but you get the picture. I know.. I know.. it's my life but would I.. AM I willing to lose pretty much my whole family for him? No. Sad, but true.
I just don't know what to do. I know what he wants. He doesn't just want friends with benefits. He doesn't want to just date. He wants to eventually get married and settle down. With ME.
It was him that showed me that a man doesn't have to be huge to satisfy. It was him that showed me that gentle sex can be good too. It was with him that I learned to like snuggling.
Ugh.. I just don't know what to do.
I agreed to have lunch with him this Wednesday. It's been forever since we've actually seen each other and hung out. I can't even remember when the last time was that when we were near each other that we weren't there just to have sex.. maybe it was back when I first met him? Idk. Will we run out of things to talk about being in person? Will it be awkward? I just don't know.. but I guess we'll find out. I hope he doesn't try to get all handsy with me.. cus I'd hate to have to knock him out in the middle of a restaurant lol
So.. what do yall think? Should I tell him we should only stay friends with benefits? Should we just be friends only? Should I see where it goes with him and cross the other bridges when they come? Opinions please!
