Ok.. so I know I've been seriously slacking on posts for this blog. All I can say is I'm sorry. I really don't have any excuse other than I just didn't feel like posting. I can't blame school for all of it, as I have had some breaks and could have written then. When I do have down time, I think "Ok.. I WILL post tomorrow", but tomorrow never comes.
I'm sorry! :(
This post.. as you can already see.. isn't going to be a continuation from the regular posts on here. It's just me venting and bullshitting about whats been going on with me lately. Sorry if I bore you. :)
So, we got new puppies back in April. They were 9 wks old.. yes.. I said they. We 'THOUGHT' it would be a good idea to get 2. At the time it sounded like a good idea anyway. They'd always have someone to play with, they'd never be lonely.. blah blah blah. WELL! Let me just tell you.. I feel like I have two 2 yr old twin children. I sometimes feel like they're ganging up on me and it's very overwhelming! Some times they are great.. other times I want to strangle them both! lol We finally decided to call in some professionals to help with some training since they are now 9 mo. old and some things are just getting out of hand. Tonight was the 1st visit... 4 hrs of training.. and it has already made a HUGE improvement! I highly recommend the company. It's called Bark Busters and they are currently in 8 countries. Yes.. COUNTRIES! Not states. They started in Australia and have since expanded and so far I can't say enough good about them! I can't wait til we have perfectly behaved dogs who walk great on a leash and don't try to rip my arm off!!! lol
Have any of you ever known someone who, as soon as you just think of them, you instantly get angry? Your heart starts to pound like crazy and you seriously get a surge of adreniline and have to fight the urge to wrap your hands around their neck and squeeze until their eyes pop out? Yea.. I have that. And she's called my sis-in-law.. or rather how I like to refer to her as my bitch-in-law. Just the thought of her and I instantly start to shake, my heart starts beating fast, my neck tenses up and my breathing changes. I wish I didn't hate her. I really wanted to have a sister-in-law whom I adored. Who would be like a 'real' sister to me. Someone to go shopping with, someone who was a friend, someone I could talk to, who I could relate to. But unfortunately I don't. I have a selfish, self-absorbed, narcisitic, bitch sister-in-law who thinks she's better than me and my family. Who makes up lies about me to my brother and he actually BELIEVES HER!! They have been married for.... 13 yrs I think?? And for the longest time I just bit my lip, turned the other cheek, let it all roll off my back b/c I was asked (by my parents) to just let it go and to keep peace in the family. Actually, at 1 point my mom told me to stop being such a bitch about things and that I was taking everything the wrong way. Well.. eventually they FINALLY saw her for what she really is, thankfully. So now I don't look like the bad guy to them.. just my brother now, and I hate that. Don't get me wrong. I can be a HUUGGEEE bitch! I have no problem getting in someone's face and telling them off. I fight dirty and will hit below the belt when pushed to my limit. BUT! I've NEVER done that to her. I've never confronted her about the things she has said or done to me. I have only made it clear to both my parents and my brother that I want nothing to do with her anymore. I don't want to see her, talk to her or deal with her in any way. I know I've bitched about her (them) in the past.. but it still really bugs me that I can't see my brother or neices b/c of her. B/c ever since I said that I didn't want anything to do with her, she has refused to let my brother or my neices have anything to do with us. Us as in.. my parents aren't allowed to see their own son and grandkids. A part of me feels bad b/c I feel like it's my fault. But the other part of me is like.. WHAT BITCH!? Just b/c I don't like you doesn't mean you should take it out on my parents! I've told all of them that if they want to come over with the kids, I will go hang out somewhere else, it's really not that big of a deal to me. Bitch-in-law still won't let my parents see any of them. Sadly, I really don't miss my neices at all. When my oldest neice was younger (the last time we saw her she was about 6 or 7.. she's 11 now) she was a brat and I really couldn't stand to be around her anyway. My youngest neice was only a baby so I really never got to know her.
My mom says I need to learn to forgive people more. But.. how do you forgive someone who believes they didn't do anything wrong and they keep doing the same things over and over or more? More insults, more jabs, more rude comments about me AND my family.. more everything?!? Why should my feelings not matter? Why should I have to subject myself to the verbal abuse just to keep peace?? How is that fair to me? And why is that selfish of ME to feel that way just b/c I don't want to be around someone to cuts me or my family down? Ughh.. she just makes my blood boil and even more so when my family tells me I should learn to be more accepting, understanding and forgiving of people!! Why can't people just be freakin' nice and if they don't have anything nice to say.. just don't fucking say anything!!!
Anyhoo!! I'm getting myself all worked up again so I need to change topics.
Have I mentioned I hate school? I hate the degree I'm getting, I hate the classes and I hate the professors. I got into a yelling match with my Tues. night professor b/c well.. he's an ass lol. We have a report due in a few weeks and the syllabus says it has to be 6-8 pages. Every week though, this dick keeps upping the pages. Most recently, he upped it to 20 pages! 20 FUCKING PAGES!! WHAT THE FUCK!! THIS ISN'T A DAMN THESIS YOU ASS! It's just a damn report! AND it's due in 3 weeks. I'm afraid to go to class next week.. will it be upped to 30 pages then?? What pisses me off even more is.. the rest of the time, he says the syllabus came from the University and he can't change anything when we bitch about all the homework and stuff we have to do. BUT! He can't change it NOW?!?! B/c HE wants to? What the fuck ever. He can bite me.
Next topic!
A few weeks ago my lower back started to ach a little bit. I blew it off figuring I slept funny or something. But it just kept getting worse and worse. I have always had back problems since I was a kid. I was diagnosed with scoliosis in 7th grade. Had the school not been doing tests for it, it would have never been found. It wasn't very noticable unless you were really looking for it and even then, as long as I had my shirt on and I wasn't trying to bend at the waist, you wouldn't see it. Then about 10-11 years ago I hurt my back. I won't go into details about that on this blog.. that's more for my 'other' blog (past lovers) lol. Anyway, as always I kept blowing it off. I'm not 1 that complains about aches and pains, nor do I usually take any pills for pain. I try to just deal with it. I hate taking pills and will usually try everything else 1st. Well, this pain was in my lower back and kept getting worse and worse. One night I was at my friends house and we had been sitting out by her pool smoking (yes.. pot.. it was a long time ago.. don't judge lol). Well I went to stand up and fell right to the floor in major pain. My left leg wouldn't work and at first I thought I had a damn stroke. (weed will make you think funking things.. again.. don't judge me lol).
Anyway, after we figured out that I did NOT have a stroke, she drug me to the car and took me to the ER. Many x-rays and MRI's later I was sent on my way with some pain killers and told to follow up with a specialist as they couldn't see anything wrong. I made an appointment with my old scoliosis Dr. for a few days later, grabbed my x-rays and was on my way. At the Dr's appointment I was informed that I had pinched my sciatic nerve (don't ask lol) and that was all. The Physician Assist. that I saw (since my Dr. was on vacation) mentioned in a way that sounded more like he was saying it's windy out, that it had nothing to do with my Spina Bifida. Umm wait a damn minute.. WHAT?! Who the hell has Spina Bifida? Not me.. couldn't be me. The only thing I knew about Spina Bifida was that it affected the spine (duh) and the only people I had EVER seen with it were wheelchair bound, handicapped and pretty much parapalegic. That wasn't me at all. I was too dazed to ask any questions and went on my way. I researched it when I got home and apparently there are 3 levels of it. I had the least severe. Basically my sacrum (the back side of your hip bone that covers your spine) never fused together before I was born. My sacrum looks like a puzzle piece and my spine in my lower back down to my tailbone is exposed. Only covered by skin pretty much. To say that I'm pretty damn lucky that I have never had an accident that hit me there and haven't been paralyzed b/c of it is an understatement. Who knew I had so many back issues? lol
Anyway.. so back to my current back issues. After over 2 wks of dealing with the pain, I tried to get out of bed 1 day and couldn't. My mom brought me a 'pain pill' she had, and swore it would help. I took it b/c that's how bad it was hurting. I drifted off to sleep in about 10 min. and had the weirdest dreams of my life. (flying cartoon dragons outside my window, making stakes to kill zombies out of popscicle sticks..) Yea.. I'm a lightweight when it comes to pills and apparently it made me hallucinate! About 5 hrs later I woke up and still felt like shit. Every time I tried moving either of my legs a severe white hot pain shot up my legs to my back that took my breath away. I asked my mom to call her chiropractor and set up an appt. ASAP. Luckily he's a good friend of my mom's and he could see me in 30 min. With help from her, I got up, got dressed and wabbled like an old women to the car. As soon as we walked in, he was ready for me and asked me to sit on a chair so he could eval me before doing anything. He touched the small of my back with 1 finger (no lie) and I shot up like the chair had burned my ass. (Who know I could move so fast?? I sure didn't lol). WELL! After a few more minutes of his horrible probing fingers, he hooked me up to some machine that looked like it came from outter space. Seriously people.. I thought I had left Earth and landed on some foreign planet and apes were going to jump out of the closet to inspect me. Was I hallucinating again? Uhh.. No. The machine really was that freaky.
So.. he read the results.. blah blah blah.. and informed me that the disk between my L5 and sacrum had slipped and is swollen to the size of a large grapefruit. Lovely. Just freakin' lovely. No wonder my shit hurts so bad! He said he was going to try to aleave some of the swelling before he put me on the tinge unit. I should of asked HOW he was going to do that BEFORE he tried doing it. Stupid me. He laid me down on those famous chiropractor beds, told me to relax and started to just rub my back. It was heaven! I was getting so relaxed I thought I was going to drift off to sleep. Then WHAM!! This motherfucker presses on the small of my back with all of his weight. My eyes shot open, I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out, and I saw stars. I tried to roll off the little bed thingy but his body was pinning me down. When I was finally able to speak, "Sweet mother of god! WHAT THE FUCK! Get the hell off me asshole" was the 1st thing that flew out of my mouth. Of course, as soon as I said it I felt bad about it. He didn't intentionally hurt me.. but Christ all mighty it hurt like a son of a bitch! He went back to rubbing my back again, apologizing for hurting me.. yadda yadda yadda. It didn't matter... it still fucking hurt. He had to do it a few more times but at least I was prepared for it. When he was done he helped me up and put me on the tinge unit with an ice pack. That was lovely. Little electrical currents were shocking my muscles and the ice was freezing it. I had no pain. I left walking more like a human should and less like a caveman and I was happy. I didn't have any more pain the rest of the night. The next day though? It was all back again.
I've been back to him a few times since. The swelling still hasn't gone down so I still have a grapefruit sized disk just chillin' back there. Next week I'm on the decompression machine (basically it stretches your spine to realign it and help the disk to move back into place). It looks even more sci-fi than the 1st machine did. I asked him if it would make me taller.. he said no so now I'm bummed. But.. if it will help this fruit stand I have in my back go away, I'm willing to give it a try even if it means I'll still be 5'2" when I'm done.
Ok.. I'm done rambling now I guess. This post is longer than Heidi Fleiss' client list.
