I gained my footing and began pulling away from the driver but he had a death grip on me. I was no where near strong enough to fight back and reluctantly began walking on my own. He stood at the bottom step blocking my path to re-enter. I turned around throwing daggers with my eyes but it didn't seem to phase him. Before he stepped back, Vanessa was standing directly behind him, "I'm getting off too!" she squared her shoulders and said.
"You're not allowed! Go sit back down" he bellowed
"If she has to go, I'm going too!!" Vanessa shot back
I just stood there with my mouth open, amazed at my normally docile friend. I wanted to tell her to go back and sit down, to not get in trouble because of me but my mouth wouldn't form the words my brain instructed. The driver moved to the side and let her exit, to everyone's astonishment.
"Anyone ELSE want to play hero?" He grumbled as he resumed his spot behind the wheel. Before anyone was able to answer, with Vanessa and I standing just outside the bus, he slammed the door shut in our face and the bus rumbled on.
There was a silence... an eery silence between Vanessa and I as we still stood there in the same spot where we were abondoned. Looking to the right, I could see the other passengers staring at us through the windows as the bus follwed the rounding curve. They all had a look of disbelief.
I finally turned to look at Vanessa, half ashamed half relieved she was there. I knew if she got in trouble for anything her Father was going to punish her severly. He was just a very strict man like that. A resigned sigh escaped both of us as we looked to each other for hope.
"Might as well start walking" I said, though it still seemed as if Vanessa was still not listening.
"Yea.. I guess. Where are we, anyway?"
We both took a few minutes to finally look at our surroundings as I started to chuckle.
"What's so funny?? I don't find it humerous to have to walk all the way home"
"Vanessa!! Don't you realize where we are!?" I couldn't help but to start laughing uncontrolably. Vanessa looked at me like I was on drugs.
"Oh my GOD Vanessa! Wake up!!" I snapped my fingers near her nose, "We're only on the street behind my house!! Hell, this walk is even closer to my house than the actual BUS stop is!! If we could climb the fence in my backyard, we'll be there within seconds!!" I was still laughing, trying hard to catch my breath.
It was like someone turned Vanessa's brain back on and she started to look around, finally realizing where we were.
"Oh now THAT'S better!! I thought we were closer to school!" she let a little giggle.
"Umm.. I don't think I want to attempt the fence, we'll just walk around, O.K.?"
"Sure"
We arrived at my house faster than we would have if we had actually MADE it to the bus stop. I offered her to come inside, but she said her Father was waiting for her. Your Father's ALWAYS waiting for you I thought to myself, but told her it was fine and we parted ways.
I was surprised to see my brothers car in the drive, but shrugged it off and went inside. He was sitting on the couch, stuffing his face with cheese sandwhiches and milk. How the hell does he stay SOOO thin eating all that crap? He can eat 1/2 a loaf of bread and a 1/2 gallon a milk in 1 sitting.. and yet he's tall and slender. Umph..
"Hey J" He said, without taking his eyes off the T.V.
"What are you doing home? Thought you had work?" I dropped my bag by the door and joined him on the couch, stealing a slice of cheese.
"Well..."
"Don't tell me you got fired!!??"
"No, nothing like that.. I've finally made up my mind. I'm joining the Army. I went and met with the recruiter today after school. Work gave me the day off to do that."
"You WHAT?!? I didn't even know you were thinking about it! Does Mom and Dad know?"
"Yea, they know, well.. they know I had been thinking about it. It's kind of a tradition in our family, you know that. All the men in our family have been in the service, even if it was for only a little bit."
"Oh. Well, yea.. but that was a different time. There were wars going on, they HAD to go. You don't HAVE to go. When are you leaving? What about school?" I had so many questions for my brother.
"Well, I want to, even IF there isn't a war. Which may come anyway.. I overheard the recruiter on the phone, talking about Desert Storm or something, I don't know. Anyway, I'll be leaving in 2 weeks. I have enough credits to graduate right now. All the classes I'm taking right now are just fillers or AP classes since I already finished the required classes. School said that they would let me go now, with my diploma, if I showed them proof I was leaving for the Army."
I didn't know what to say. I didn't want him to leave. Even though at the time, there was no war, I was afraid he'd get injured or die. I didn't want to lose my brother. Yes, we may fight, like all siblings do, but really.. we were pretty close. Suprising too, since we were 5 years apart. I was going to miss him more than I would ever know.
I needed to gather my thoughts, so I left the livingroom to lay down in my bed. Pepper didn't need to go out, and I wasn't hungry for a snack. I rested my head on my pillow with the intent to just relax but at some point I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up a few hours later to my Dad asking if I was going to eat dinner with them. I got up and followed him into the dinningroom. There was tension in the air, my mother was busy fussing over the pots on the stove, my brother with his slumped shoulders was sitting at the bar and my father wasn't making eye contact with anyone. I knew he had already told him about his plans but not another word was spoken in my presence.
After dinner we all went our seperate ways in the house, no one speaking to the other. I didn't even bother with my homework, but instead decided to go back to sleep.
Early the next morning I heard the phone ring and wondered who could be calling at that time.
"J! The phone's for you!" My Mother shouted from the other side of the house.
I went to the kitchen to answer it, figuring I'd kill 2 birds with 1 stone. Eat breakfast and see who it was.
"Hey, sorry to call so early" Vanessa's voice sounded in my ear
"No problem, what's up?"
"I won't be in school today"
"WHAT!? WHY!" I tried to keep my voice down. So many thoughts were running threw my head. The kitchen began to swirl and there was an aching in my stomach. I thought I was going to throw up.
Before I could hear Vanessa's answer, my mom breezed in, grabbed her coffee, gave me a kiss and said she was leaving. The house was empty now, everyone else had already left.
"Sorry, my mom was talking to me. What did you say? Why aren't you going?"
"I forgot I had a dentist and a Dr's appointment today. By the time I get down with both of those, it'll be almost time for school to be out... so I won't be going"
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This can't be happening! I can't face the driver all by myself today! We finished our conversation and as I hung up the phone, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. Skip school? Call my mom and tell her I was sick and didn't want to go? Lie? Oh God.. what was I going to do, because I SURELY couldn't go all alone.
I decided to call my mom and tell her I was sick. I just had to give her time to get to work.
Why is it Mom's ALWAYS know when you're lieing?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Hung over and fed up
I awoke the next morning in more pain than I had when I went to bed. My head was throbbing for various reasons and my body felt like it had been run over by a dumptruck. I didn't want to go to school but I knew if I asked to stay home my parents would be worried and insist on taking me to a doctor. The last thing I wanted to was to go see a Doctor because in my young mind, I thought they would surely know I had gotten drunk the night before and all hell would break loose in my house.
I slowly edged myself out of bed and made a beeline for the shower hoping the hot water would releave some of my aches. When I emerged I didn't feel any different and again wished I could stay home. I was in no mood to put up with anyone, ESPECIALLY O'Neil. I felt like I was moving in slow motion as I got dressed, tried to shove some toast in my mouth and walk to Vanessa's. When her father answered the door, he said something in spanish then snickered. I could only imagine it was along the lines of "Damn girl, you look like shit", but I didn't reply. Vanessa walked out a few minutes later and by the look on her face, I assumed she thought the same thing.
"What the hell happened to you??" She asked
"I kinda, sorta, got drunk last night with Angie then fell in the tub and whacked my head"
"What the hell made you drink??"
"I don't know.. but I don't want to talk about it. My head is STILL pounding and I feel like I'm gonna be sick"
"Yea, you look like you're gonna be sick"
With that, we ended the conversation and made our way to the bus stop chatting about upcoming tests and homework assignments. As the bus pulled to a stop, I took a deep breath and boarded. I knew O'Neil wasn't going to be there yet, but that still didn't make me any less tense. I found my seat, sat down, leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes. The sunlight was making my headache even worse and I dreamed of being back in bed.
Before I knew it, we were pulling up to O'Neil's stop. I kept my eyes closed hoping he would ignore me... and it worked for a short time. The closer we got to school, the more he tried touching me but I didn't move. I tried to act like I was asleep hoping he would get bored and stop. He got as far as sliding his hand up the pant leg of my shorts, however wasn't able to touch anything important. The bus came to a stop at school and we all began to leave. I waited a few more minutes, giving O'Neil and his friends time to exit before I grabbed my own belongings and left. Vanessa met me outside and we continued on our way.
The day seemed to drag and with every hour my head throbbed harder. By the end of the day I seriously thought my head was going to explode. I shut my locker and slowly made my way to the bus, still dreaming of being in bed thinking it was only a little longer and I could be laying down. I climbed the steps to the bus puzzled as why the driver was starring at me but I just shrugged it off and kept walking. My mood hadn't improved throughout the day, infact, it had gotten worse.
Finding the same seat I had that morning, sat down with my eyes closed and my head against the window. The bus was starting to spin and I fought to keep my lunch down. I heard O'Neil as he stomped up the bus steps and wished he would fall and break his neck. He and the bus driver exchanged words, a chuckle, then O'Neil made his way to me. I closed my eyes again prepared to ignore him and act like I was sleeping like I had that morning.
The bus lurched forward and we were finally on our ride home. It didn't take long for O'Neil to pick up where he left off the day before. His disgusting hands roaming by body, assulting me with his fingers. I don't know what pissed me off more.. that he thought he could (still) get away with it or that it was O.K. to touch someone who obviously was (acting) asleep. Whatever it was, it sent me over the edge. The pain in my head and body temporarily left and I was consumed with anger. Wild, scary anger. I saw only red.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME YOU FUCKING PIECE OF DOG SHIT!! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU FUCKING ARE?!! YOU WORTHLESS ASSHOLE!! I HATE YOU!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!! I WISH YOU WOULD FUCKING DIE!!" I stood up and screamed as my hands violently waved in the air. I knew I had made contact at least 3 times because the wail O'Neil let out made the entire bus quiet. They all turned and looked at me. I looked at O'Neil, but I could feel 100 pairs of eyes burning into me. I didn't care, I had had enough.
"IF YOU TOUCH ME 1 MORE FUCKING TIME I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!" I ranted and continued swinging until I felt the bus come to a hard stop. I looked around and new we weren't at my bus stop, but couldn't figure out WHY we had stopped. The bus driver was already stomping down the walkway with a red face. He was pissed.
"Get off my bus! Get off right now!" he screamed at me while all the other riders looked in amazement
'What??" I turned toward him
"You heard me! Get off! RIGHT NOW! I won't tolerate that on my bus!"
"You won't tolerate THAT but you'll tolerate what he does to me??" I yelled back
He grabbed me by the back of my shirt and began to drag me. "But we're not even close to the bus stop!"
He said nothing as he continued to pull me towards the doors. I had no idea what I was going to do.
I slowly edged myself out of bed and made a beeline for the shower hoping the hot water would releave some of my aches. When I emerged I didn't feel any different and again wished I could stay home. I was in no mood to put up with anyone, ESPECIALLY O'Neil. I felt like I was moving in slow motion as I got dressed, tried to shove some toast in my mouth and walk to Vanessa's. When her father answered the door, he said something in spanish then snickered. I could only imagine it was along the lines of "Damn girl, you look like shit", but I didn't reply. Vanessa walked out a few minutes later and by the look on her face, I assumed she thought the same thing.
"What the hell happened to you??" She asked
"I kinda, sorta, got drunk last night with Angie then fell in the tub and whacked my head"
"What the hell made you drink??"
"I don't know.. but I don't want to talk about it. My head is STILL pounding and I feel like I'm gonna be sick"
"Yea, you look like you're gonna be sick"
With that, we ended the conversation and made our way to the bus stop chatting about upcoming tests and homework assignments. As the bus pulled to a stop, I took a deep breath and boarded. I knew O'Neil wasn't going to be there yet, but that still didn't make me any less tense. I found my seat, sat down, leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes. The sunlight was making my headache even worse and I dreamed of being back in bed.
Before I knew it, we were pulling up to O'Neil's stop. I kept my eyes closed hoping he would ignore me... and it worked for a short time. The closer we got to school, the more he tried touching me but I didn't move. I tried to act like I was asleep hoping he would get bored and stop. He got as far as sliding his hand up the pant leg of my shorts, however wasn't able to touch anything important. The bus came to a stop at school and we all began to leave. I waited a few more minutes, giving O'Neil and his friends time to exit before I grabbed my own belongings and left. Vanessa met me outside and we continued on our way.
The day seemed to drag and with every hour my head throbbed harder. By the end of the day I seriously thought my head was going to explode. I shut my locker and slowly made my way to the bus, still dreaming of being in bed thinking it was only a little longer and I could be laying down. I climbed the steps to the bus puzzled as why the driver was starring at me but I just shrugged it off and kept walking. My mood hadn't improved throughout the day, infact, it had gotten worse.
Finding the same seat I had that morning, sat down with my eyes closed and my head against the window. The bus was starting to spin and I fought to keep my lunch down. I heard O'Neil as he stomped up the bus steps and wished he would fall and break his neck. He and the bus driver exchanged words, a chuckle, then O'Neil made his way to me. I closed my eyes again prepared to ignore him and act like I was sleeping like I had that morning.
The bus lurched forward and we were finally on our ride home. It didn't take long for O'Neil to pick up where he left off the day before. His disgusting hands roaming by body, assulting me with his fingers. I don't know what pissed me off more.. that he thought he could (still) get away with it or that it was O.K. to touch someone who obviously was (acting) asleep. Whatever it was, it sent me over the edge. The pain in my head and body temporarily left and I was consumed with anger. Wild, scary anger. I saw only red.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME YOU FUCKING PIECE OF DOG SHIT!! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU FUCKING ARE?!! YOU WORTHLESS ASSHOLE!! I HATE YOU!! I FUCKING HATE YOU!! I WISH YOU WOULD FUCKING DIE!!" I stood up and screamed as my hands violently waved in the air. I knew I had made contact at least 3 times because the wail O'Neil let out made the entire bus quiet. They all turned and looked at me. I looked at O'Neil, but I could feel 100 pairs of eyes burning into me. I didn't care, I had had enough.
"IF YOU TOUCH ME 1 MORE FUCKING TIME I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!" I ranted and continued swinging until I felt the bus come to a hard stop. I looked around and new we weren't at my bus stop, but couldn't figure out WHY we had stopped. The bus driver was already stomping down the walkway with a red face. He was pissed.
"Get off my bus! Get off right now!" he screamed at me while all the other riders looked in amazement
'What??" I turned toward him
"You heard me! Get off! RIGHT NOW! I won't tolerate that on my bus!"
"You won't tolerate THAT but you'll tolerate what he does to me??" I yelled back
He grabbed me by the back of my shirt and began to drag me. "But we're not even close to the bus stop!"
He said nothing as he continued to pull me towards the doors. I had no idea what I was going to do.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Confused
I looked at the clock and though it seemed like I had been out for hours, it really was only about 30 minutes since I had gotten home. Just as I was trying to sit up my bedroom door opened with my brother and Angie standing there. They looked worried and scared.
"How'd I get here?" I asked both of them
"He carried you" Angie replied pointing at my brother
"Yea, I heard you fall and rushed in. By the time I got there Angie had turned off the water and we threw the towell around you and brought you in here."
"Am I bleeding?"
Angie came and sat next to me on my bed, "No, but it's a pretty good size bump"
I looked up at my brother who was still in the doorway, "What are we gonna tell Mom and Dad? You think I'm sobber enough that they won't notice?"
My head was still pounding and before he answered I asked Angie to get me an icepack. I knew he was still mad at her and I wanted to talk to him alone.
"Yea, you seem pretty sobber. What the hell were you thinkin', J? You could have seriously gotten hurt or sick! That's not like you at all.. what's going on?"
I sighed, I didn't want to tell him WHY I was drinking, or at least not the real reason why. "I don't know.. it just seemed like a good idea at the time. I was in a funk and Angie offered me some. I wanted to try it. I didn't think I'd get this drunk."
"ANY type of drunk is bad when you're 13, J! You know that! And I don't buy your excuse, but I'm not going to push you. Tell me when you're ready"
"Thanks, so.. what are we gonna tell Mom and Dad, anyway? We can't tell them the truth. Umm.. can you grab me a shirt or something?"
"I'll just tell them Steve stopped by and he had been drinking and got sick. You tell them you hit your head at Angies or something.. don't worry, we'll figure it out."
"O.k. and please, don't be mad at Angie. I could have said no"
With that he grabbed a t-shirt from my closet, tossed it to me and made his way out the door just as Angie was walking in. She sat back down on my bed and handed me the icepack. "Don't worry about him... I told him it wasn't your fault and that I could have said no. He'll get over it"
I asked Angie to give me a few minutes so that I could get dressed and that I'd meet her out in the livingroom shortly.
"Just holler if you need any help or feel dizzy again"
I thanked her as she walked out and shut the door behind her. I sat there for a few minutes trying to get my story straight. The three of us had to have the same story for it to be believable and I knew just what would work.
I emerged from the hall and slowly walked to the livingroom. My head was pounding and I was a little dizzy but this dizziness felt different compared to the drunken dizziness I had before. My eyes even hurt. I reached up and felt for the lump on the side of my head and winced. It definately was big and definately sore. I got another icepack and joined them to watch some T.V.
We all sat in silence until Angie announced she had to head home. It was close to 7 and my parents would be there soon. We needed to get our story straight just incase. I explained my theory and so did my brother. We decided on telling my parents that my brother was sent home early from work because it was a slow night and his friend Steve (who was much older) had stopped by and gotten sick. I was at Angie's and she went to show me the new puppies 1 of ther other dogs had had, however, the mama dog got angry we were touching her puppies and came at us. I who had a fear of dogs went to run back in the house, but tripped and smacked my head on the cement. We said goodbye to Angie and plopped back on the couch.
I wasn't hungry but my brother, the human trashcan, was starving. Before either of us had moved from the couch we heard a car pull into the driveway, Mom was home. She's so much harder to lie to, she can see right through it. Guess it's a Mom's intuition, I don't know. Dad pulled up on his motorcycle right behind her and my brother and I exchanged worried glances. While I was passed out my brother had cleaned up the pukey trashcan and the bathroom, so at least the evidence wasn't out in the open.
"Hey.. sorry we're home so late. Did you guys eat yet?" My mom asked as she closed the garage door.
"No, but I'm starving!" answered the bottomless pit, my brother.
"No, but I'm not really hungry. I ate something when I was at Angie's. Can you take a look at my head? I hit it hard today."
"What did you do?" My Dad asked walking towards the kitchen.
I got up and followed him, with my Mom right behind me. "Angie was showing me the new puppies and apparently the momma dog didn't like it and started chasing us. I went to run back in the house but tripped and whacked my head on the concrete."
My Dad laughed and shook his head, "You're just like your Mother. She trips over her own feet"
My mom playfully slapped him on the arm and tried to look hurt, but ended up laughing. "He's right, you know. I trip over air! Now let me look at your head"
I leaned over for her to see the knot. "Does it hurt?" she asked as she touched it and I flinched, "Ohh, I guess it does. It's a big bump, are you feeling sick? Dizzy? How's your vision?"
"I was dizzy right after it happened but I'm fine now. Just tired."
"I don't think you have a concusion, but let me know if it changes. I don't feel like cooking... who wants pizza delivered?"
We all agreed and ordered the pizza. No one mentioned anything else for the rest of the night and I went to bed relieved. Relieved with a pounding headache. I just hoped it would be gone by the morning.
"How'd I get here?" I asked both of them
"He carried you" Angie replied pointing at my brother
"Yea, I heard you fall and rushed in. By the time I got there Angie had turned off the water and we threw the towell around you and brought you in here."
"Am I bleeding?"
Angie came and sat next to me on my bed, "No, but it's a pretty good size bump"
I looked up at my brother who was still in the doorway, "What are we gonna tell Mom and Dad? You think I'm sobber enough that they won't notice?"
My head was still pounding and before he answered I asked Angie to get me an icepack. I knew he was still mad at her and I wanted to talk to him alone.
"Yea, you seem pretty sobber. What the hell were you thinkin', J? You could have seriously gotten hurt or sick! That's not like you at all.. what's going on?"
I sighed, I didn't want to tell him WHY I was drinking, or at least not the real reason why. "I don't know.. it just seemed like a good idea at the time. I was in a funk and Angie offered me some. I wanted to try it. I didn't think I'd get this drunk."
"ANY type of drunk is bad when you're 13, J! You know that! And I don't buy your excuse, but I'm not going to push you. Tell me when you're ready"
"Thanks, so.. what are we gonna tell Mom and Dad, anyway? We can't tell them the truth. Umm.. can you grab me a shirt or something?"
"I'll just tell them Steve stopped by and he had been drinking and got sick. You tell them you hit your head at Angies or something.. don't worry, we'll figure it out."
"O.k. and please, don't be mad at Angie. I could have said no"
With that he grabbed a t-shirt from my closet, tossed it to me and made his way out the door just as Angie was walking in. She sat back down on my bed and handed me the icepack. "Don't worry about him... I told him it wasn't your fault and that I could have said no. He'll get over it"
I asked Angie to give me a few minutes so that I could get dressed and that I'd meet her out in the livingroom shortly.
"Just holler if you need any help or feel dizzy again"
I thanked her as she walked out and shut the door behind her. I sat there for a few minutes trying to get my story straight. The three of us had to have the same story for it to be believable and I knew just what would work.
I emerged from the hall and slowly walked to the livingroom. My head was pounding and I was a little dizzy but this dizziness felt different compared to the drunken dizziness I had before. My eyes even hurt. I reached up and felt for the lump on the side of my head and winced. It definately was big and definately sore. I got another icepack and joined them to watch some T.V.
We all sat in silence until Angie announced she had to head home. It was close to 7 and my parents would be there soon. We needed to get our story straight just incase. I explained my theory and so did my brother. We decided on telling my parents that my brother was sent home early from work because it was a slow night and his friend Steve (who was much older) had stopped by and gotten sick. I was at Angie's and she went to show me the new puppies 1 of ther other dogs had had, however, the mama dog got angry we were touching her puppies and came at us. I who had a fear of dogs went to run back in the house, but tripped and smacked my head on the cement. We said goodbye to Angie and plopped back on the couch.
I wasn't hungry but my brother, the human trashcan, was starving. Before either of us had moved from the couch we heard a car pull into the driveway, Mom was home. She's so much harder to lie to, she can see right through it. Guess it's a Mom's intuition, I don't know. Dad pulled up on his motorcycle right behind her and my brother and I exchanged worried glances. While I was passed out my brother had cleaned up the pukey trashcan and the bathroom, so at least the evidence wasn't out in the open.
"Hey.. sorry we're home so late. Did you guys eat yet?" My mom asked as she closed the garage door.
"No, but I'm starving!" answered the bottomless pit, my brother.
"No, but I'm not really hungry. I ate something when I was at Angie's. Can you take a look at my head? I hit it hard today."
"What did you do?" My Dad asked walking towards the kitchen.
I got up and followed him, with my Mom right behind me. "Angie was showing me the new puppies and apparently the momma dog didn't like it and started chasing us. I went to run back in the house but tripped and whacked my head on the concrete."
My Dad laughed and shook his head, "You're just like your Mother. She trips over her own feet"
My mom playfully slapped him on the arm and tried to look hurt, but ended up laughing. "He's right, you know. I trip over air! Now let me look at your head"
I leaned over for her to see the knot. "Does it hurt?" she asked as she touched it and I flinched, "Ohh, I guess it does. It's a big bump, are you feeling sick? Dizzy? How's your vision?"
"I was dizzy right after it happened but I'm fine now. Just tired."
"I don't think you have a concusion, but let me know if it changes. I don't feel like cooking... who wants pizza delivered?"
We all agreed and ordered the pizza. No one mentioned anything else for the rest of the night and I went to bed relieved. Relieved with a pounding headache. I just hoped it would be gone by the morning.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Here's To Forgetting
When I finally made it off the bus, Vanessa was waiting for me. She apparently saw what happened, at least the slap and the hair pull anyway.
"Don't say anything! I don't want to talk about it!!" I said to her as I walked past.
She caught up with me and we walked in silence to her house. When we arrived at her drive way she stopped and grabbed me by the arm. "J, he can't keep doing this! It's not right!"
"I said I didn't want to talk about it!" I yelled, "Actually, I'm just gonna go home. I'll see you later" I mumbled and walked off.
I walked the two blocks with my head down, kicking a pebble I had found. I didn't want to be around anyone. I wanted to be left alone. I hoped my brother wasn't off work today, I wanted the house to myself. As I rounded the last street, I was happy to see that his car wasn't in the driveway. After doing my regular afternoon routine (letting the dog out to go to the bathroom, grabbing a snack, etc) I retreated into my room.
It wasn't more than 20 minutes later when I heard the doorbell ring. I rolled my eyes, sighed, and went to see who it was. My friend Angie, who lived a few houses down and was closer to my brother's age, who also went to his school, was there. I sighed again. I didn't want to deal with her. She was always so happy and chipper and that WASN'T the mood I was in. She had her dog Q-Tip with her so she didn't ask to come in, but instead asked if I could stand outside and chat. I grabbed the house phone (this was before cellphones of course) and walked outside.
"What's wrong, girlie?" She asked, noticing my foul mood.
"Nothing, I don't want to talk about it"
She shrugged and continued to talk about the latest guy she had a crush on. Noticing that I wasn't replying as much she finally stopped babbling on and sat down next to me in the grass.
"Since you don't want to TALK about it.. do you want to do something so at least you'll forget about it for awhile?"
"Umm.. what did you have in mind?"
"Just come over to my house and we'll find something to do"
I agreed, called my mom at work and told her I'd be at Angies and we left. Both of her sisters were home (Andie who is younger and April who is older) so was her step-dad so we decided to hang out in her bedroom. She left to get us a drink and came back with 2 plastic cups. I thought it was juice of some sort so I grabbed mine and took a long drink.
"YUCK! What the hell is that??"
"Ohhhh" she laughed, "It's cranberry juice and vodka"
"umm.. I don't think I should be drinking this" I remarked, taking a better look at the drink.
"Well, you said you wanted to forget about whatever has you in a funk. So I figured this would be a good way. It really doesn't taste that bad once you get used to it"
I took a sip from the cup and felt it burn down my throat. After a few more sips, I don't know if I finally DID get used to it, or my throat was so raw I couldn't taste anything anymore. I finished my cup and she refilled it once more. I drank that cup more quickly as we sat on her bed and listened to the radio and chatted about our Christmas.
The next time I looked at the clock it was 5:30 and I knew my parents would be home any minute. I jumped off the bed to quickly throw my shoes on, but instead fell head first onto the floor. It hurt, but all I could do was laugh. By the time I stopped laughing, I had forgotten what I was laughing at. Why was I acting like this? What's so damn funny? And why does my head hurt??
Oh shit!! I was drunk! I was 13 and so drunk I couldn't even stand up!! How the HELL was I gonna walk home? Oh my God! My parents are going to FRREEEAAKK!!
Angie was gracious enough to offer to walk me home. That was a good thing, since I needed to lean on her to walk. After walking into 3 trees, we made it to my driveway.
"Can you make it the rest of the way yourself?" She asked
"Umm.. let me try. Oh look!! They're not home yet! YAY!"
I took 2 steps without her and ended up on the ground. She helped me up and we made it inside my house with little problems. The light on the answering machine was blinking, so I pushed the button and listened.
"Hey, it's Mom. I'm gonna have to work late tonight, so is your Dad. I hope to leave about 6:30. If you get hungry eat without us. Call me when you get home. Love you, bye."
I sighed a relief that I wasn't going to be busted right away. Angie took one look at me and realized I shouldn't be left alone. She grabbed the phone and called my brother at work. I could hear him yell on the other end, but he promised to be home in 15 minutes.
By the time she hung up, I apparently looked green because she went to get me a trash can. Before 15 minutes were up, I heard my brother's car pull into the drive and a minute later the front door opened.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!!" He screamed at me
I could barely open my eyes at this point and turning my head was completely out of the question.
"She's drunk" Angie whispered
"I KNOW she's drunk! Why the fuck IS she drunk!? She's only 13 years old!! Who the fuck got her drunk!?"
"I did" Angie whispered even more quiet
If I thought my brother would ever hit a women, it would have been then. He was livid.
"What's that smell? Did she puke or something?"
"Yea.. like 3 times since I called you"
"OH shit! That's not just regular drunk puking. I think she has alcohol poisoning! You're a fucking idiot Angie! What the fuck is wrong with you? Getting my 13 year old sister drunk! AT WHAT POINT DID THAT SEEM LIKE A GOOD FUCKING IDEA!!"
"I'm O.K. I just want to sleep. Stop yelling. Stop pacing, you're making me dizzy" I mumbled into the couch
"I'm not pacing, J. I'm standing still!! Does anything hurt? Are you gonna puke again? I think I should call Mom."
"No!" I tried to yell and sit up, neither worked. "No, you can't call Mom OR Dad. They'll kill me!" I had slumped back onto the couch face first
"We need to get you sobbered up some before they get home, which could be any minute."
"Oh, your Mom called and said her and your Dad are working late and probably won't be home before 7" Angie chimmed in
"Fine. But you still need to sobber up. I'll get you some bread and milk. Angie, take her into the bathroom and make her shower. She reeks of puke"
With my brother's help, they walked me into the bathroom. My brother went to get me something to eat while Angie helped me undress and get in. When Angie thought I could steady myself, she let go of my arm. Instantly, I teetered, slipped and landed on the shower floor. That was the last thing I remembered. I woke up in my bed, covered in a towell and had no idea what time it was, how I had gotten there, or why my head hurt.. AGAIN.
"Don't say anything! I don't want to talk about it!!" I said to her as I walked past.
She caught up with me and we walked in silence to her house. When we arrived at her drive way she stopped and grabbed me by the arm. "J, he can't keep doing this! It's not right!"
"I said I didn't want to talk about it!" I yelled, "Actually, I'm just gonna go home. I'll see you later" I mumbled and walked off.
I walked the two blocks with my head down, kicking a pebble I had found. I didn't want to be around anyone. I wanted to be left alone. I hoped my brother wasn't off work today, I wanted the house to myself. As I rounded the last street, I was happy to see that his car wasn't in the driveway. After doing my regular afternoon routine (letting the dog out to go to the bathroom, grabbing a snack, etc) I retreated into my room.
It wasn't more than 20 minutes later when I heard the doorbell ring. I rolled my eyes, sighed, and went to see who it was. My friend Angie, who lived a few houses down and was closer to my brother's age, who also went to his school, was there. I sighed again. I didn't want to deal with her. She was always so happy and chipper and that WASN'T the mood I was in. She had her dog Q-Tip with her so she didn't ask to come in, but instead asked if I could stand outside and chat. I grabbed the house phone (this was before cellphones of course) and walked outside.
"What's wrong, girlie?" She asked, noticing my foul mood.
"Nothing, I don't want to talk about it"
She shrugged and continued to talk about the latest guy she had a crush on. Noticing that I wasn't replying as much she finally stopped babbling on and sat down next to me in the grass.
"Since you don't want to TALK about it.. do you want to do something so at least you'll forget about it for awhile?"
"Umm.. what did you have in mind?"
"Just come over to my house and we'll find something to do"
I agreed, called my mom at work and told her I'd be at Angies and we left. Both of her sisters were home (Andie who is younger and April who is older) so was her step-dad so we decided to hang out in her bedroom. She left to get us a drink and came back with 2 plastic cups. I thought it was juice of some sort so I grabbed mine and took a long drink.
"YUCK! What the hell is that??"
"Ohhhh" she laughed, "It's cranberry juice and vodka"
"umm.. I don't think I should be drinking this" I remarked, taking a better look at the drink.
"Well, you said you wanted to forget about whatever has you in a funk. So I figured this would be a good way. It really doesn't taste that bad once you get used to it"
I took a sip from the cup and felt it burn down my throat. After a few more sips, I don't know if I finally DID get used to it, or my throat was so raw I couldn't taste anything anymore. I finished my cup and she refilled it once more. I drank that cup more quickly as we sat on her bed and listened to the radio and chatted about our Christmas.
The next time I looked at the clock it was 5:30 and I knew my parents would be home any minute. I jumped off the bed to quickly throw my shoes on, but instead fell head first onto the floor. It hurt, but all I could do was laugh. By the time I stopped laughing, I had forgotten what I was laughing at. Why was I acting like this? What's so damn funny? And why does my head hurt??
Oh shit!! I was drunk! I was 13 and so drunk I couldn't even stand up!! How the HELL was I gonna walk home? Oh my God! My parents are going to FRREEEAAKK!!
Angie was gracious enough to offer to walk me home. That was a good thing, since I needed to lean on her to walk. After walking into 3 trees, we made it to my driveway.
"Can you make it the rest of the way yourself?" She asked
"Umm.. let me try. Oh look!! They're not home yet! YAY!"
I took 2 steps without her and ended up on the ground. She helped me up and we made it inside my house with little problems. The light on the answering machine was blinking, so I pushed the button and listened.
"Hey, it's Mom. I'm gonna have to work late tonight, so is your Dad. I hope to leave about 6:30. If you get hungry eat without us. Call me when you get home. Love you, bye."
I sighed a relief that I wasn't going to be busted right away. Angie took one look at me and realized I shouldn't be left alone. She grabbed the phone and called my brother at work. I could hear him yell on the other end, but he promised to be home in 15 minutes.
By the time she hung up, I apparently looked green because she went to get me a trash can. Before 15 minutes were up, I heard my brother's car pull into the drive and a minute later the front door opened.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!!" He screamed at me
I could barely open my eyes at this point and turning my head was completely out of the question.
"She's drunk" Angie whispered
"I KNOW she's drunk! Why the fuck IS she drunk!? She's only 13 years old!! Who the fuck got her drunk!?"
"I did" Angie whispered even more quiet
If I thought my brother would ever hit a women, it would have been then. He was livid.
"What's that smell? Did she puke or something?"
"Yea.. like 3 times since I called you"
"OH shit! That's not just regular drunk puking. I think she has alcohol poisoning! You're a fucking idiot Angie! What the fuck is wrong with you? Getting my 13 year old sister drunk! AT WHAT POINT DID THAT SEEM LIKE A GOOD FUCKING IDEA!!"
"I'm O.K. I just want to sleep. Stop yelling. Stop pacing, you're making me dizzy" I mumbled into the couch
"I'm not pacing, J. I'm standing still!! Does anything hurt? Are you gonna puke again? I think I should call Mom."
"No!" I tried to yell and sit up, neither worked. "No, you can't call Mom OR Dad. They'll kill me!" I had slumped back onto the couch face first
"We need to get you sobbered up some before they get home, which could be any minute."
"Oh, your Mom called and said her and your Dad are working late and probably won't be home before 7" Angie chimmed in
"Fine. But you still need to sobber up. I'll get you some bread and milk. Angie, take her into the bathroom and make her shower. She reeks of puke"
With my brother's help, they walked me into the bathroom. My brother went to get me something to eat while Angie helped me undress and get in. When Angie thought I could steady myself, she let go of my arm. Instantly, I teetered, slipped and landed on the shower floor. That was the last thing I remembered. I woke up in my bed, covered in a towell and had no idea what time it was, how I had gotten there, or why my head hurt.. AGAIN.
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